My repetitive thought: "I wanna go home."

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DonDud
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18 Aug 2010, 8:36 am

I've had repetitive thoughts earlier in life, but by far the most enduring has been, "I wanna go home." This developed sometime in middle school or high school, for obvious reasons.

The funny thing is, this phrase got so burned into my mind back then, that it continues, and doesn't even necessarily mean what it seems like it means. It's triggered anytime I'm bored, or uncomfortable. For example, I can be bored at home, and "I wanna go home" will drift through my mind. I can be in a situation that frustrates me, and I'll think, "I wanna go home," which more or less means I just want out of there, or I wish for the situation to become stabilized.

It's more like a mantra. I'm not sure if it calms my mind any, and it's not particularly irritating or invasive... just kinda odd.



Callista
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18 Aug 2010, 8:41 am

Not odd at all. That'll run through my head, too, when I'm outside my home and stressed out. Home is a place where I can control things, where I can drop all the difficult things I've had to learn to get around in the NT world. Most likely, "I wanna go home" has turned into more of a symbol of, "I want to get out of this chaos; I want to relax; I want to be in a place where nobody's watching me and nobody expects me to put on even one more second of this difficult charade." And that's perfectly natural. There's not really a concept for that in the NT language, so you've made up your own.


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CockneyRebel
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18 Aug 2010, 8:55 am

That was my mantra in High School. I hated it there. I was beyond my years, while my peers had yet, to mature. I knew that I would be at home studdying, drawing/sketching and listening to oldies soon enough, so I just took the garbage.


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leejosepho
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18 Aug 2010, 9:03 am

Callista wrote:
Most likely, "I wanna go home" has turned into more of a symbol of, "I want to get out of this chaos; I want to relax; I want to be in a place where nobody's watching me and nobody expects me to put on even one more second of this difficult charade."


Yes, or, and without having any kind of death wish, "I just want all the nonsense to end."


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RaquiGirl
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18 Aug 2010, 9:08 am

I've been saying that since I was a kid and everytime I go through a particularly stressful situation I will pace back and forth or sit and rock in my apartment and say it over and over and over again. I thought that was weird and sad and something I didn't want to ever tell anyone. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in that.


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Erisad
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18 Aug 2010, 10:08 am

Same. I say "I wanna go home" but what I mean is "I wanna go back to university." That is my true home. My friends understand me more than my family does, which is why I'm scared to graduate. I feel that I'll be miserable if I'm stuck with my family forever. D:



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18 Aug 2010, 10:25 am

Yes, I have "I want to go home" pop into my head alot. It seems to be when I'm feeling down. It will even pop into my head when I am at home, which is daft because I am home. I don't say that so much anymore, but my new thing is to think "I'm unhappy" but that pops into my head even when I'm happy. It's like a comfort phrase.



Molecular_Biologist
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18 Aug 2010, 11:28 am

"I hate this job."

That is what pops in to my mind whenever something is frustrating me whether I'm actually at work or doing chores at home.



SteamPowerDev
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18 Aug 2010, 11:42 am

I do the exact same thing, ever since I was a child. I still do it. I'm only recently realizing that I do have Asperger's and it's nice to know that so many of my oddities is just my Asperger's brain doing it's thing. Before I use to get mad that I would say or think "I want to go home" Either I was already home, or my home wasn't a fun and safe place. I guess what I meant was "I want to go to my safe place."

These forums have helped me to understand myself so much more.



FredOak3
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18 Aug 2010, 12:09 pm

Yep that one and "I just want some peace and quiet"



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18 Aug 2010, 1:25 pm

I hope I will be returning to the source after my next death.


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Mutt
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18 Aug 2010, 2:16 pm

I usually think that. Except that I'm not sure where "home" is. I sometimes feel at ease when I'm locked up in my room, or when I'm going into my mind, and I imagine things, which makes me feel at "home". Strange thing is that I still don't know how to name that "home", and I just want to go home in a physical way, not just in a mental way. I want to be there, to touch things, etc.



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18 Aug 2010, 2:25 pm

When I was very young, I started to quietly say "I want to go home." I do not do it much now, but I used to say it anytime I was annoyed, angry, scared, sad, or bored, regardless of whether I was home or not. Now I tend to say "Wait." or "stop." if I feel overwhelmed.
I made efforts to stop doing it because I thought it made me seem insane, but I used to repeat many things when I was upset or bored, and they rarely made sense in the situation. I do not normally think in words, and when I am deep in thought or highly bothered my spoken words make little sense, if I speak at all.


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18 Aug 2010, 2:57 pm

Molecular_Biologist wrote:
"I hate this job."

That is what pops in to my mind whenever something is frustrating me whether I'm actually at work or doing chores at home.


I say that all the time even though I have been laid off since October 09. My parents and brother are sick of hearing me say it all the time. I am going to show them this to prove it is not me doing it to aggravate them like they are accusing me of evertime I do it.


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DonDud
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18 Aug 2010, 3:45 pm

:lol: Wow I can't believe so many people not only have similar thoughts, but pretty much the exact same thought, also in situations that don't necessarily reflect its literal meaning.



Michhsta
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18 Aug 2010, 5:26 pm

I have often said that too. I would be at home as a child and feel desperately homesick, for which home, I never knew. I remember being in primary school and wanting to go home, so I did. At the age of about 8 years old, I walked out of school and went home. When I got home my mum freaked out and apparently all she could get out of me for a reason was "I just had enough and wanted to go home". That is all I could say.

The principle showed up at my house and the nuns were all worried because it was so out of character for me to break the rules. Something really bad must have happened for me to break the rules of school.

I still say today, that I want to go home. I am not sure where that is. But my most common mantra is "jimmy cracked corn and I don't care." The more stressed I feel the louder I sing it. Strangely, I used to sing it to my boss at my old job. he must have thought I was batty. The staff could hear me singing it all the way down the lab. 8)

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