Why is it that parents have to be jerks about everything

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Due to deepening depression about family problems, I recently decided to move out to protect myself from falling to suicidal levels. Thankfully, I had a very wonderful friend with Aspergers whose mother is allowing me to stay with her family for a time. Her mother is an advocate for people with Aspergers and she is helping me find resources in the community so I can attain independent living.

Here's how it happened. I have been waking up every morning talking to myself about my family problems. Life has become much more difficult since my teenage sister had a baby that she not making much of an effort to take care of. She is getting most of the family's resources as far as purchasing decisions are made.

This last Saturday morning, I almost ended up almost strangling the family dog (as I was taking him out to pee and poop) when he started yanking on the chain. I lifted him up off the ground and he gave me this most terrifying look. I cannot believe I am capable of such cruelty. I have found myself making comments about killing lately. When I finally got outside, I walked around the corner and broke down, literally bawling. I decided to call up my friend and have her mother help me out. She said she was going to have me picked up the next day.

I went to my local anime club, and one of my other friends wanted me to come over to watch some anime with him. I ended up staying the night at this friends house, The next day we drove back and I had him drop me off at my Aspie friends house. My dad called the next morning and talked with me for a while, and I informed him I was moving out. He got somewhat upset and told me that "he wanted to be a part of this decision" and that he was getting ready to call the police and hospitals. Now I am an adult and over the age of majority and he has no rights of legal guardianship over me, so I don't understand why he got so paranoid about my situation.

Now this morning, I had to meet my sister as I was going to my classes at college and he decided to give her a ride. After a few pleasantries, he told me that he was mad at my friend's family for "being secret" and mad at me for "being secret." Apparently he dredged up memories of my mother and him divorcing to justify his statement.

I am not sure where to go in my relationship with him.

GREAT FOR YOU! For moving out! YA!! !! !! !! ! I'm planning to move out soon aswell. We'll see how it goes. You are right as an adult YOU can move out and dad has no custody of you. I'd do what others have suggested to me 1,000 times over! Keep with the move out plan and live with this Aspie friend for awhile as you get higher in college (not sure what degree you are at) perhaps a dorm and a job and perhaps later on your own apartment. That's my idea/goal. Get my AA while living with someone then Bachelor's/dorm/a job where I can get an apartment OR stay in the dorms and get my Masters/PhD not sure what I want to do but that's my basic plan.

Good for you, for taking a step, in the right direction.

it's amazing that you took that brave step. it is a harsh world out there - you don't need to deal with dysfunction at home too. i hope you are getting assistance for the anger that surfaced? you mentioned your friend's mom referring you to services...

I suppose this is out of date by more than a few months, but I want to give a rather quick update.

I am still currently living with my family, and life everyday is still a torment. My little sister has become incrementally more responsible, but my dad watches the baby everyday for most of the day. My little sister drops the baby on him in the mornings before I go to school. She heads back to bed and wakes at 9-10. I know my dad does not like it, but he never complains about the fact of her dropping her baby on him because of her temper. I try to take care of him in the evenings when I get home, but it has gotten harder for me this spring semester, when I am taking several very difficult (I have already been assigned several large research papers to complete before 3 May).

The baby has learned how to crawl in the last week or so, and is getting into everything now, including dog food, diapers, pulling on electrical cords. My patience is being tried now more than it was last September to October, when he was mostly just stationary. When you try to change his diaper, he starts fussing heavily and tries to turn over into a crawling position. He is not falling asleep as early as when he was younger. My dad often watches him until he falls asleep at around 12-12:30. My dad and I tried feeding him earlier, but that hasn't really seemed to change his bed time at all (It had the worse effect of waking him up earlier than before).

I stayed with my friend for another day or so while they sought help for me, but found none. They tried to get people that might intervene (Agency on Ageing was one, but I think that backfired when my little sister (the one with the baby) had a heated conversation with them, or at least I assume). As for the moving out part, I had a long conversation with my dad about getting on SSI. So, I applied to Social Security within a week of returning home to my family. I have been denied by SSI twice, I am now pending hearing before an administrative law judge. The DDS claims that my disability is not severe enough, and that I can still perform physical tasks. Within the next few months, I am probably going to drop my claim with Social Security.

To make up for my loss, I am going to do that which has never been done. I mean, getting a job. At least a part-time one with a local bookstore over the summer, and then I get a work-study job in August and move out at that time.

Most people are denied twice and are forced to hire an attorney to go to hearing. I don't believe for a moment this isn't intentional. Most people who go to hearing are approved. Fight the good fight. If you still want to work, by all means work but get that SSI approved so you will always have that to fall back on if you need it!

Babies grow and they get into stuff. I know this baby is not yours and shouldn't be your responsibility and seems like a plague on society because it was spawned from your sister who seems to have entitlement issues; but, please remember that this is your nephew. He'll always be your nephew and he didn't choose to be in this position any more than you did. They do get more difficult, more mobile, and more curious. They're developing physical and mental skills.

What happens between your dad and your sister really shouldn't be your responsibility. You're taking on a lot of the stress and worry of the household to see the train wrecks before they happen - and that's natural - but it's not your place. You need to focus on your future. Please help out with your nephew because he's your nephew but let go when it comes to your sister (and how much she gets) and your dad. You wouldn't believe how many people shoulder responsibilities and stress of the household like you do. It really becomes exhausting. If you can let it go, I think you'll start to feel better and not be so drained.

Again, don't worry about SSI. See it through and don't give up!

Wow. I don't know how you put up with that!

And wefunction, I applied twice for SSI and got denied at the hearing. Now, I am reapplying. I've been trying to get it for around 3 years now, but they say that, like TabrisAngel, that I can still work.

I hope things get better for you. You are so lucky to have friends that understand you and who are willing to take you in. I don't know what I would do without my friends.

The idiocy of those bureaucrats never ceases to amaze me. Physical task jobs are even usually more intensive on social skills than non-physical labor jobs.

I hope it works out for you. You've done a very courageous thing by trying and still trying to make it on your own and taking care of things imposed upon you.