I Must Be Honest---A Confession From Glider18

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I have been a member of the WrongPlanet since November of 2008. As you know, I adhere to the philosophy of positive thinking with autism. I adhere to the gifts that autism can give us.

I must admit something to all of you, and it isn't easy doing so. But I have had problems in my career you should know. Why? Because I believe that my stating of positives all the time could actually make members feel bad---like my life is all great and yours is not. Well, many of you remember me posting some pretty low times.

Ok---there have been several posts about Aspies and jobs and how we cope if we can get a job. As many of you know, I am a school teacher of 23 years this school year. How have I done it?

My confession---sheer luck.

I was hired immediately after graduating from Ohio University in 1988. The man who hired me to teach sophomore and senior general level English was the principal of the school---and he was my cousin. Had I not had a relative in the school, I doubt I would have gotten the job. And the county superintendent knew my father personally. I had plenty of inside connections. So I was hired. My first year of teaching was a living HELL. Students made fun of me. Students threw spit wads at me. They called me names. I was filling out around 25 detentions a week or more. My life was threatened. I received a phone call from whom I guess was a student who said he knew where I lived and he was coming to my house to kill me. I called the Sheriff. The next morning students had placed banners along the road into the school with my name and phone number plastered on them.

I got my Master's degree within just a few years of teaching. At our school at that time (and I didn't know this) when you got your Master's degree the school had to either give you a continuing contract or non-renew your contract. A different principal (my cousin retired) recommended I not be renewed. I was considered ineffective as a teacher. LUCK fell my way. The recommendation for my non-renewal came just after the Board of Education's deadline---so by default, the school had to give me a continuing contract.

At this time, the administration started giving me the worst classes---the major discipline problems the other English teacher didn't want. My room was a zoo. At one point in my career, a video camera had to be placed in it for my protection. My room didn't even open to the hallway, it opened into another room that then led to the hallway. Students continued to find me vulnerable, and the HELL continued.

In 2007, after 19 years of a teaching hell (I just stuck it out---what else could I do? I had a continuing contract, so they pretty much had to keep me unless I screwed up major) a job opened up in the school---the gifted program. The administration called me in to see if I was interested in it. They were pleased that I would quit teaching English since my evaluations were low. And I was pleased to take the gifted students because they were the bright students---and not discipline problems.

I am now in my 4th year of teaching the gifted, and it is PARADISE. But I got there by luck. Had it not been for a cousin hiring me to teach in the first place, and a missed deadline, I don't think I could have held a job.

And another confession---had my wife (we met on a blind date) not fallen in love with me for my eccentric ways, I seriously believe I would still be living with my parents.

So, from the time I began teaching in 1988 up until 2007, I dreaded nearly every day I had to get up to go to school to teach. There were times I felt like driving off into the sunset to get lost forever. But I loved my family too much to do that.

I just want all of you to know that I have had very rough times in my life amid the fun times. I have been bullied, made fun of, and belittled. I have been the butt of jokes that I didn't understand.

My greatest moment of life in discovering myself came with my diagnosis of Asperger's in November of 2008. My life made sense now. No longer did I think of myself as a freak of human nature---I was among a group of people, the autistic, and I found happiness with them. I embrace all that autism gives me, even its challenges. It is me, and I have now found happiness with my life.

I just wanted all of you to know this. There is a lot more I could tell you, but I think you understand. Thank you for listening.

You sound like you've been to hell and back, and while stating of positives can be very self-affirming, it can hide a lot of pain - I'm only in the job I'm in by luck, and I'm glad of it ;o) Hope you're well and happy ^_^

Thank you DogDaySunrise for responding. There's nothing wrong with getting a job by luck, and it's interesting to see you got your job by luck too. Since I haven't seen you around before (I took a leave from WrongPlanet from last February until a few days ago) welcome to the WrongPlanet.

Your story is not so far from mine. Got my first job as a gift from one of my professors who thought I had potential - he had been in line for the job and didn't wanted. Got my second job because the interviewer never stopped to listen to my all too honest answers - she expected agreement, could not hear the oppsite.

Had my share of Hell and hard times - but my wife and I came together in a very serendipitous way.

Quit my job, thinking we could live on my retirement. Ooops - bad math skills. Then up comes my brotherinlaw and suddenly we have support.

So yes - a LOT of bad stuff happened, and there was one point I almost killed myself and another point I could have been killed. But the good stuff is there to be grabbed at the critical moment.

So, say I - things going bad, hold on and keep your eyes open for the way out. Things going good, enjoy it - and keep watching for better.

Wow!! ! Guess what? You are not the only one with a story like this. I can relate personally to a great deal of what you said. BUT ...

The past is just that - the past. No, we cannot forget it, or change it, but what is done is done. What matters now is the future. It sounds like you have really landed in the place where you were meant to be. Teaching is one of the most important jobs I know of and I know that sometimes it seems as if it's a waste of time, but here is a bit of wisdom that I got from one of my high school teachers. It was a school that clearly ranked in the lower 50%. One day I asked him why he continued to teach there. He said that if just one student each year remembered just one thing that he taught, and found it useful someday, that he would consider himself to be a success. He was my HS biology teacher and I am now 65 and yet I still remember that conversation. I owe him a debt of gratitude. He was a success.

We all carry crosses and have burdens. You should not have to explain yourself for your optimism. It's very kind that you shared your story. I hope others will benefit from it and realize that no one has a smooth ride on this wagon.

You're a very strong person. I've really enjoyed your story.

Thank you for those kind comments. It sounds like we can all relate to this. I have had a few students from those hellish days say that I helped them. So as AspieWolf commented, to just touch just one makes it worth it. And that helps to look at it that way.

I can relate as well in some ways. Maybe haven't had as much experience as you simply because I am only 19. But at the same time I have had these moments and even though I don't know you very much I greatly appreciate you writing this. I really admire your story and your confession. You're a very brave person.

I hope my career turns around like yours did one day.

I have a confession to make as well. I didn't read your entire post, but here's why:

All I had to see was, "23 years teaching," "sheer luck," and "got my job because the person that got me in was a relative..."

I think you're being much harder on yourself than you deserve.

Much of success that comes in life comes from who you know, but that isn't necessarily "luck."

Knowing someone by happenstance, through family connections, who can get you a job that gets you started, but it doesn't account for 23 years in the same profession my friend. The ability to form, nurture and keep relationships does. And that is no easy task for an Aspie!

Okay, now I've looked at a bit more of your post.

When you were offered the job with the gifted program, do you really believe that was luck? I don't. I am absolutely positive you were offered the job for more than a few good reasons I'm not even aware of, but those you spoke of just before telling us about that (that 19 years of hell), are enough to convince me you EARNED that offer!

'Nuf said!

I don't think you have anything to confess at all. You earned you're lot in life. It had very little to do with luck.

what a great story.

thank you for posting that.

Thank you for sharing your story. It is possible to go through hell and come out on the other side.

MrXxx is right--there's nothing wrong with having had a little "luck" to help you get started. YOU are the one who maintained your career from that point onward.

I hope I can be as fortunate--I'm hoping to teach undergrad classes at the university from which I just graduated, and I have several people--my former advisor and professors I GA'd for previously--going to bat for me. Without that, I wouldn't have a chance either.

We all need a little help sometimes. That's not getting an "unfair advantage"--like MrXxx said, that's the way most people get started.

I applaud you for how far you've come.

I can believe that teaching English can be hell. One of the things I really disliked about the college level English classes was the way the other students would lord it over me about how much better their critical thinking skills were, especially the male students. The difficulties with communication and reasoning about things that are unknown can make one's critical thinking skills seem worse than they really are. I started out with strong, narrow and repetitive interests, and math that the others couldn't grasp, and that didn't help either.

But in your case the English students weren't even working at that level. They were just monkeys. What was the point?

Your confession was interesting to read.

You mention, "I adhere to the philosophy of positive thinking with autism. I adhere to the gifts that autism can give us".
I have only been reading the newer posts so far as I am fairly new, posts how you describe here I would find those interesting and encouraging too, rather than it making me feel bad.

I didn't fit in mainstream school, but at an alternative and later at night school I came across two teachers, who had a big impact upon me, I would say life changing. That is I understand the positive impact a teacher can have upon a students life.
I see from your later response that you had an impact on some students during those hell years, overcoming the negative, this is something you should be very proud about as they may well have had a very different outlook or life if they had not been lucky enough to have had the impact upon them that you provided

You teaching the gifted class, this was not a coincidence it is a recognition of your ability
to teach, thinking back to the hell years knowing your impact and now knowing others recognise your ability to teach even under difficult circumstances, which not so many teachers can do, this should bring an overall positive for the experience, without taking away from the horrid times they were.
In addition you wrote about, getting the initial job via family members, it may well be the family members had far greater insight into you and your potential than you gave them credit for and they chose you as they knew you to be a good choice for the students.

I don't think you should worry about other people finding your positivity depressing. If you tried to focus on more negative things, just to relate to them better, you'd only bring them down even more and encourage them to dwell on all the reasons why they should crawl into a hole and die.

I also think your story is great to hear, rather than being something you should call a confession. You were lucky to get that english teaching job, but your perseverence through all those years of hell is what ended up getting you your dream job eventually. You had no way of knowing the paradise was waiting down the line, and you had all the reasons in the world to just quit and give it up, it would even have made more logical sense to do so, but you didn't, and because of that, you are where you are now.

Many people with ASDs could learn a thing or two from that. Even with a head full of logic and reason and rationality, with the mind showing a person a crystal clear high-definition vision explaining why they should certainly not even consider trying to try, there are always unforseen things that a person just can't know. Irrational and senseless perseverence can often bring results that a person literally could not have imagined, and your story is a good example of that.

When people focus on negative thoughts which they are so sure are accurate, and in doing so restrict their willingness to continue, it's about as stupid as laying down to die in a burning building just because you don't know where the exit is. Who cares if you don't know where it is? If you're going to die anyway you might as well keep running through the smoke and flames trying to find it, instead of convincing yourself you're so smart that you can see the future and giving up like a barbecued idiot.