Saying Goodbye.

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I loved my former best friend Laurel. My situation on that's already been explained in another topic. The last contact I had with her was a Facebook conversation about the Wii I gave her and said I didn't want it. Granted, this was before I used eBay. I now have a business to look after and need capital. So the last time I talked to her I asked for it back. She didn't sell it although she tried to, but it's just gathering dust, although she won't give it back. I don't care about that now though. But in her last message to me she said "Lol, business. I've been living out of soup cans. I need money to eat. Leave me be."

I have odd feelings about this. On Friday I leave the town I've lived in for almost my entire life for Florida. Today, Monday, I want to say goodbye to Laurel and her father Tom. He calls me Robinson, and that's okay. He's become sort of a fatherly figure to me; even though he is 71. I feel an attachment to him for some reason. And even though my love for Laurel, although certainly not gone and not even diminished, is no object any longer, I want to say goodbye to her, and to him tomorrow. I want to give him a copy of my political autobiography and Laurel, the clay rat I made and painted for her a few months ago, based on her rat Spaz who's now dead.

I don't know if I should stop by her house tomorrow or not. If Tom's there I can give him the book and say goodbye. If Laurel's there I can give her the rat and say goodbye. If neither of them are there, I can leave a note. But I haven't seen Laurel in months.

I feel it would be awkward to go there but I can't leave things the way they are without closure. What do I do?

Oh, mon!

Take it from one who has been there - don't shoot for closure and pretend you did.

I am a classic closure addict, and 99 times out of ten it is 5 parts hassle and no closure.

I KNOW it feels all wronng, but let it close itself.,

That seems wrong.

Forget about getting the Wii back. You gave it to her as a gift, and now it is hers. Is it possible that you may see her again? Were you hoping for other relationship possibilities? I can't see anything good coming out of an awkward encounter between you, her and/or her father. Put time and distance between you and this situation if there's any part of this that makes you feel bad.

Was she mocking your business? I've encountered women who seemed to be mocking the things I wanted to do, and some of them were real jerks about it, too. For these there was no closure because nothing was ever open to start with. How sure are you of where you really stood with her?

The day I gave her the letter telling her I was in love with her, later she asked why I come to her house so much. I'm not sure she ever connected those two things. She also once told me that we're "Not connected at the hip and never were".

HOW CAN I JUST FORGET THIS PERSON? There's only one of me and one of you! There's only one of anything however big or small. From the most obscure person to the smallest insect, every single thing in existence is inherently unique be it the physical atoms used to form it or the personality it takes on. There are other people with her name, but there aren't other hers! Nor you! Nor me!

Giving her the Wii, and especially the letter, may have been too much, and these poisoned the relationship. The quickest way to get rid of someone you don't want to see, is to upset the relationship balance in the direction of the other person possibly feeling obligated to you, and you may have done just that.

When you're friends with a girl for a long time, the possibility of anything sexual becomes almost nil because you've got too much invested in the platonic direction and changing the direction will almost certainly succeed in only ruining the friendship even if she were to agree to it. Also, I've noticed there's a time limit for starting something with someone in a group of people I've just met. After a long period of disinterest, all the new people are moved out of consideration. If approached by one of these, my thoughts might be "Well why is she showing interest just now after all these years?". You've probably passed the time limit too, in addition to the friendship factor.

Also, asking a girl out that you've been friends with for a long time is considered "an as*hole move" by cultural standards, because her possible consideration for your feelings as a friend could a complicating factor, and thus she may not feel totally free to say "no". The same might be said of asking out waitresses, bartenders, etc. who may already receive too much unwanted attention and whose job role requires them to be friendly with you.

Just say goodbye, hope to see her again, sorry about the thing with the Wii.

I don't even care about the Wii. I don't want to be creepy. I thought she, having Asperger's too, and the first one who suggested to me that I might have it, wouldn't find me creepy. I know it's not healthy to be obsessed with someone. Not to mention it can be scary for the object of one's affection.

People who are "Obsessed" are generally known to be dependent; have low self-confidence; rely on their object of affection for stimulation and acceptance; adapt their lives around their object of affection; and more dangerously, can be unpredictable and threatening if temperamental.

I know very much how being obsessed could scare someone who's the subject of the obsession. I know psychology. I'm not oblivious to the viewpoint of another. In fact I think I dissect other people's minds very well. Although the analysis I just did was of my own mind; minus the unpredictable and threatening part.

I just don't understand though how you can "Move on". How do you do it? I don't like vacations. There's no reason for them. Not pragmatic and a waste of money. And I know someone would be afraid if they knew they got more attention than they wanted. But you must admit, what I say of uniqueness is true. There is only one. This is an unalterable. How do you reconcile the fact that there is only one, and that that one, you cannot be appreciated by?

But if you're not going to see her again, then what pragmatic purpose does it serve to say anything? Is there some magic divider that says, all of a sudden, you must never see her? There's no reason to announce anything unless you're moving away or something. Maybe give it some time and see whether she wants to see you. If not, then what would you say to her anyway?

I can understand this being your first infatuation. After you've had a few more of these, you'll gain some much needed perspective. Don't let it get in the way of your studies and your work.