I don't want my friend to visit me

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I just started college several hours from home, and I'm enjoying it. It's hard for me to get to know people/make friends, but I'm doing fairly well here. I have a friend from back home and she has visited twice on the weekends. I was excited to see her at first, but now she's mostly coming because of the party opportunities here. (I go to the parties as well, people just don't cling to me like they do to her.) She's getting to know people better than I do, and it really bothers me. She's got invitations to things that I don't have and I'm the one that goes here. Also she has a rep for sleeping around (at home that is), and I don't want to be associated with that here (and she's already got her eye on some guys).

It's probably not productive to be upset that she knows more people than I do/they like her more than me, but I would feel a lot better if she wasn't here. If I simply told her I don't want her here I'm afraid she would just tell people at my school I was jealous and wouldn't let her come I'd appreciate any advice on what to do.

There's not a lot you can do apart from put up with it, or tell her.
I can't see any other options...

astaut - Maybe I can help? That's an awkward situation and I know you'd not want to hurt your friend's feelings. But, more than anything else, academics are your priority. I entirely understand about her 'reputation' becoming problematic for you, even jeopardizing your own place at your University.

Maybe you could tell her that you need to devote your time to your studies and that you cannot meet up with her on weekends, etc. Then, maybe she'll find others to hang around with - she could inadvertently lead you down the wrong path, if you know what I mean. Good you are aware.

Then, you can go out - by yourself &/or with friends of your choice (not her). I might try to avoid places where she might be, at least for a while. You could try leisure activities and places that are more to your liking or new things with others. Studies are first.

If you do happen to see her, just be polite but distant. Maybe say something like that you've been occupied with homework/research, etc. and have not had much time to be out. Or something to that effect.

I imagine you'll find your own friends and University soon enough and that will be better.

I second labpet; tell her you have assignments you need to finish.

Thanks, both of you.

I'm not sure if I clarified...my college is several hours away from where she lives, so she has been driving way out of her way because she enjoys it so much here. So I won't run into her or anything. It's a matter of explaining that I don't want her to come stay with me over the weekend(s). If my roommate didn't want her here that would be the end of it (she can't stay without my roommate's consent), but my roomie doesn't seem to care.

Yeah...and unfortunately there's no un-awkward way to deal with that. If it's easier (?) maybe write her a note/email; that you need to 'move forward' (or related), entering a new lifestyle stage at University, and that you need to devote your time to studies. astaut, I am really sorry since no matter what, it's a tricky situation, as you've described already. Sigh. But, at times, "friends" do diverge. When you wrote "it really bothers me" it's time to move forward. Essentially, when at University, there will be sacrifices and this is one. You'll make new, and better, friends. Just not right to have a long-distance visitor at your University under those circumstances. You do not owe her anything (not meaning this to sound harsh - just that you are removed from her lifestyle).

You know, if this is really hard or you are especially worried, maybe you could ask a counsellor/residence advisor or a (long-distance) family member to speak to her and explain.

For encouragement, do not let this get you down. You are doing the right thing and good luck to you with your school - you'll do really well, I know!

If she's a friend, you don't wat to cut her off entirely.
But then again you dont want her to be the 'life' of your life.

So don't cut her off completely.
But cut her out a bit - disrupt the 'every weekend' predictability,.
Tell her that yrou're worried about her gas expenditure, that your studies are increasing. Cut her invites down to the first two weekends of each month - because "you still wanna hang out with her but the end of the month is always academically busier! Can't handle playing around so much!"

If she isn't there for every party that happens, she won'tt be remembered as much, andd will eventually be forgotten a bit.

And those boys she's got her eye on will be picked up by girls who live there instead.

Just to put in a dissenting opinion: Almost nobody at college is there just to study, unless perhaps they are in some high-powered specialized track. Most people who say that they are only trying to focus on their studies are saying it disingenuously - as you would be - in order to avoid some kind of social difficulty.

I've been in your position, or something similar. If I were you I would talk the issue over with your friend. Tell her that you feel like she's outpacing you socially at your own school and you're not sure how she does it. It shouldn't be confrontational - just tell her the truth that it's getting you down on yourself, and maybe ask her for some advice.

If she comes and she's introducing herself to people, make sure she introduces you to them also.

Also, I wouldn't worry too much about her reputation for "sleeping around" - it depends what kind of place you're at, but this shouldn't bother most people.

Again, thanks. I didn't think of doing that. We do have a counselor on campus so I can always speak to them if I need to.

And thank you too, OddFiction...I think you're right, I should at least try to not cut her out completely.

What you just said was good advice and should work, but it hasn't with her in the past She's terribly insecure, so if I open up to her about that sort of thing she uses it to put me down when she's feeling bad about herself. The reason I worried about the sleeping around bit is because I go to a really small college, less than 2000 people, so rumors spread like wildfire. She cheats on guys, so at home I was sometimes seen as 'guilty by association.'

Oh. That is a problem, yeah. You seem to treating the situation delicately, which is good. I think I would still bring it up with her very gently. And if she must come visit then try to enjoy it as much as possible.

Yes, and in this instance you'll need to take the initiative and tell her you cannot. Anyhow, good luck astaut and you'll make friends at your University.

I also agree that you should tell her that you have your assignments and studies to keep up with.