Social Anxiety/Phobia, or another part of Asperger's?
Another symptom that I especially noticed for me. I want friends, but I can't communicate well enough - it's something I do get better at, but no matter how much I seem to get better, the level of uncomfortability in a social situation never gets better. In a conversation, whether I have good eye contact or not, I always feel really, really tense - hyper-aware of every movement, uncomfortable in my own skin, and every part of me besides my mouth is slightly paralyzed, where I move awkwardly. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, I become so passive and avoidant that I'll even lie if it prevents an argument or draws attention to myself. If more people looking at me, it's downright unbearable. Even if it's a "go around the circle and tell us your name" kind of thing, it's still scary. Don't even get me started on standing up for myself/beliefs in front of a crowd. My heart might just stop.
(Thankfully I've gotten better at lying; Possibly, the reason I don't have meltdowns is because I do such a good job at avoiding those kinds of situations. To me, they're agonizing. These worst-case scenarios don't happen, so I'm lucky and do "decent" but still, uncomfortable.)
It's been like this for a while, and it ticks me off more than anything else, because I want to be social. But because of this stupid hindrance, I can't seem to be. I'm not limiting myself on purpose, I'm trying to overcome this, and it's not getting any better. I can get better and better at talking, and keeping eye contact, and hiding anxiety, but deep down, I feel like avoiding the scene altogether. Others can start conversations with me and I do "okay" - not good or bad, but I can't naturally start one.
I just got back from a cook out and gathering (~5 hours total, lengthy) for incoming college freshman, for those getting involved with this one program. (Called "Young Life" if anyone's heard of it) Everyone else could naturally converse with each other. When asked for my name/previous school/etc..., I mean, I'd appear pretty NT. But going beyond that point, everyone going into further detail, I became pretty much a wallflower. Many of the others probably left with a few more friends - I left almost empty handed, as usual.
Is this a normal part of Asperger's, or is it something stemming from a social anxiety disorder, or another complication caused by Asperger's and Depression/etc... mixing?
And is there any hope for this? >_>
Last edited by Dnuos on 09 Sep 2010, 11:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
CockneyRebel
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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
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I had a lot of social anxiety in my younger years, in high school. I was always afraid that I was going to say the wrong thing, or that my peers wouldn't think that I was intelligent enough, for them. I've always had my face buried in my work, as a means of dealing with the anxiety, to keep myself from saying anything to my regular classmates.
_________________
The Family Enigma
I can definitely relate and have gone though--and continue to--the exact same things. When I'm in a meeting/group and put on the spot, I sometimes freeze, but at a minimum I'll feel extremely self-conscious and paranoid that I'm being looked at and scrutinized by everyone. In reality (I keep trying to tell myself this, and intellectually I understand it, but in the heat of the moment, it's hard to internalize) people really don't care about you; they're totally self-absorbed. We just ascribe too much importance to our selves and that's where the problem of social anxiety begins.
Have you officially been diagnosed Asperger's? If not and you don't have an extremely strong basis to believe you have it, you may very well just have social anxiety. It can be truly crippling--in my experience, as well as that of many others--and might either exist with our without Asperger's. But until you've gotten rid of, or ameliorated significantly, the social anxiety, you won't know. I think that's what you ought to do first. See a therapist/psychiatrist and if so inclined, take meds (or keep some Xanax with you just in case), practice breathing techniques before and during stressful social situations, and utilize other strategies to mitigate your anxiety.
If you think about it, Asperger's doesn't cause us any problems. It's only the anxiety and depression that we sometimes face as a result that do. If we can eliminate those symptoms, we really have nothing to be unhappy about, since we just are.
Have you officially been diagnosed Asperger's? If not and you don't have an extremely strong basis to believe you have it, you may very well just have social anxiety. It can be truly crippling--in my experience, as well as that of many others--and might either exist with our without Asperger's. But until you've gotten rid of, or ameliorated significantly, the social anxiety, you won't know. I think that's what you ought to do first. See a therapist/psychiatrist and if so inclined, take meds (or keep some Xanax with you just in case), practice breathing techniques before and during stressful social situations, and utilize other strategies to mitigate your anxiety.
If you think about it, Asperger's doesn't cause us any problems. It's only the anxiety and depression that we sometimes face as a result that do. If we can eliminate those symptoms, we really have nothing to be unhappy about, since we just are.
I've considered social anxiety disorder long before I knew about Asperger's - something I'll raise to my therapist, now though. I think I'll consider the idea of meds... but carefully, meds are annoying.
I heard somewhere on these boards that social anxiety disorder is possibly the most common co-morbidity with Asperger's...
I've thought of that (ending paragraph), it seems like in itself, simply having AS doesn't really seem that problematic. It's just when having AS, and trying to blend in with NT's... that causes that anxiety and depression.
Have you officially been diagnosed Asperger's? If not and you don't have an extremely strong basis to believe you have it, you may very well just have social anxiety. It can be truly crippling--in my experience, as well as that of many others--and might either exist with our without Asperger's. But until you've gotten rid of, or ameliorated significantly, the social anxiety, you won't know. I think that's what you ought to do first. See a therapist/psychiatrist and if so inclined, take meds (or keep some Xanax with you just in case), practice breathing techniques before and during stressful social situations, and utilize other strategies to mitigate your anxiety.
If you think about it, Asperger's doesn't cause us any problems. It's only the anxiety and depression that we sometimes face as a result that do. If we can eliminate those symptoms, we really have nothing to be unhappy about, since we just are.
I've considered social anxiety disorder long before I knew about Asperger's - something I'll raise to my therapist, now though. I think I'll consider the idea of meds... but carefully, meds are annoying.
I heard somewhere on these boards that social anxiety disorder is possibly the most common co-morbidity with Asperger's...
I've thought of that (ending paragraph), it seems like in itself, simply having AS doesn't really seem that problematic. It's just when having AS, and trying to blend in with NT's... that causes that anxiety and depression.
I'm glad I made some sense. I was "diagnosed" with social phobia a couple of days ago although, to say the least, it was nothing revelatory. I had been told I had it a few years ago. None of my 5 or 6 therapists/psychiatrists has ever mentioned anything about Asperger's, and my current psychiatrist says that maybe I exhibit some AS "traits," but that I don't seem to have the disorder. Sigh. It's been a frustrating journey... I just want to know what's wrong with me!

Anyway, I digress--I can definitely believe that SAD is the most common co-morbidity with Asperger's... as it's a direct result of the feeling of not fitting in/being awkward. But I do genuinely believe that there is a place where we can all learn to truly accept ourselves, faults and all, and not judge or beat ourselves up over things we have absolutely no control of. And, as I'm sure anyone here can attest to, we definitely have no control over our various disabilities! Did we ask to have them? Absolutely not.
,

Anyway, I digress--I can definitely believe that SAD is the most common co-morbidity with Asperger's... as it's a direct result of the feeling of not fitting in/being awkward. But I do genuinely believe that there is a place where we can all learn to truly accept ourselves, faults and all, and not judge or beat ourselves up over things we have absolutely no control of. And, as I'm sure anyone here can attest to, we definitely have no control over our various disabilities! Did we ask to have them? Absolutely not.
,
There's a lot of threads asking, why would you want to be with NT's?, and Accept the fact that you're you, and won't be able to keep up. I wish that everyone, including myself, could accept myself for who I am. AS or not, I still would have issues accepting myself. It seems like only in a perfect world, that kind of acceptance would happen. If I had the possibility to re-live my life, without having AS/ADHD (just without those two, I can keep the depression, at least then I can still relate to others), I would still take that opportunity in a heartbeat.
But apparently I can't relate to Aspies in that area. Why do I want to fit in? While I'm here, I want to feel like I'm part of the human race. I guess I'm an outsider among outsiders, but I really do want friends and to communicate. Having no one else in real life to talk to, I can't live like this. I can't settle for where I'm at now, I want to be able to make friends, and... I'm repeating myself again...
Sorry for sounding so whiny... >_>
I don't know how to chit-chat or know how to communicate my thoughts effectively to others.
It seems that I get sensory overload or something when I am around people and my thoughts go blank.
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