Can Online Dating Sites Work for An Aspie?

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I tried eHarmony for a while, but all it ever generated were matches way out of my geographic range, and even my online conversations with them never really went anywhere. Sure, it's more logical and less nerve-wracking than just trying to pick up women I happen to meet, but is there any serious chance of it working? Does being an Aspie throw a monkey wrench into their compatibility algorithms?

I wish I knew. I've been on OKCupid and MyYearbook trying to find girls I could click with - most of the women they suggest to me happen to be single mothers (a major turn-off for me, as I'd prefer a girl who hasn't had children yet ) Also on these particular sites, it doesn't help that there's even girls IN THEIR TWENTIES who won't bother with any guy over the age of 25

The way I see it, being an Aspie (especially one with geek interests, such as my love for video games and progressive rock) does cause problems in compatibility with any person of romantic interest, both online and in real life. I've been trying to look for love both online and off, and many girls seem to look at me and automatically write me off as a creep or weirdo.

Tim (aka the Slipperman)

Last edited by Slipperman on 16 Sep 2010, 10:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, I trust OKCupid more than anything because they don't as aggressively market and they study their user statistics and publish the results to help people make their profiles and stuff worthwhile.

A little while ago they even made something where you post your pics and people rate them and it categorizes the votes into age, religion, etc. which can help you get what you're looking for. I for instance found out this way that me wearing my Lamb of God beanie attracts Christians! Like WTF?!?! Last I checked Lamb of God was the most mainstream Death Metal band out there. I now try to avoid wearing that beanie around anyone who doesn't listen to metal because it gives off the wrong idea because apparently a band that made #2 on the charts with their latest album isn't widely known. Thank you OKCupid for helping us out!

well i was old and fat a year ago, now I'm still OLD and THIN - but for the first time in 20 years i'm truly attractive... i mean I had to wait until i was OLD to get hit with the pretty stick??? WTF?? I mean I really turned out STUNNING...but when I open my mouth guys generally run the other direction. i don't know if the hCG had something to do with changing my personality, but i am so more sensitive to everything since i am thin. Oh Yeah, I have NF (neurofibromatosis) along with my ADD...but when I read RudySimone's book on aspergers - well everything started to make sense. Met someone nice on a 420 site, but yeah, I blew that up too, so i've given up on online dating. Ziggy.

Maybe. I'm on OkCupid and it got me a date. Granted, it hasn't happened yet so I can't really give you a full analysis. It helped me with the first part anyway. *shrug* I say there's no harm in opening an account (I made mine on a whim) but you never know. Some people on OkCupid are just looking for friendships so keep an eye open for that. There's nothing wrong with having friends though, they could lead you to someone else who may be interested. Connections are a wonderful thing.

Since others are mentioning the names of sites here,I'll mention one that worked for me...DatingAndMore.I found a gorgous girl there-true,we broke up, but it was a great relationship whilst it lasted and the break-up was ok.

I had a couple of dates off of ok cupid, but they didn't resolve into anything very meaningful. That's not the fault of the dating site. I'm sure dating sites are worth a pop.

I finally broke down and tried a free Online Dating site last week.

So far, for actually getting dates, it has been disastrous: no luck at all.

But, on the bright side, it has been disastrous almost entirely because these people are more screwed up than I ever imagined I was: childish, petty, self-destructive, narrow-minded, inconsiderate, thick-witted, dysfunctional, inarticulate - and that's just the four or five people out of 6 or 7 that I've contacted so far.

So, for getting dates, not much use so far. For making me feel a little better about myself, it's been fantastic.

If your willing to drop a few points on the attractability scale, I'm sure a slightly less better looking person than you. will date you as an aspie.

Finding an equal in terms of attractiveness, may be problematic

I've used a lot of dating sites & they mostly work for guys who are abusive jerks or guys who are rich. Men outnumber women on those sites quite a lot. They were a waste of my time & the ones I payed for like Match were a waste of money as well. I had free 6 months with Match because I didn't find anyone in my 1st 6 & I still never had one single date. eHarmony wouldn't even let me in. Dating sites were a complete f#cking waste for me

Agree with what you report Nick, I live in the uk. Earlier this year i tried all the dating sites to look around and see what they had It was just the most drole experience watching people have identity crisis by email number 2, and people only being able to engage in cell phone chat or a buffet of smiley faces, to excuse their inability to form sentences. Short term memories that they are married, separated, ten yrs older than their photos. Being heavily persued for casual sex when i wasnt interested. Listening to delusional stories about how they own music studios yet couldnt play an mp3, to people who took the title of IT Director, managing their own firms........ from there parents bedrooms. Countless far away photos of the sun glass crew sitting on the hoods of cars or sucking in their chests in the hope it makes them look more desireable. THese guys had often a scatter of children and ex wives all over the place and not into any form of comitment let alone consistency and then having to listen to one narcissistic / psychopath after another broadcasting all about themselves being the best, cleverest, able to holiday on everest blabber.

. Yet not being able to venture further from the sofa eating junk food and somehow having issues with their reading age, mental age and just totally void of interests. All their hobbies seemed to include variations of sexually ret*d comments, fantasies, suggestions games they certainly wouldnt be able to deliver.

A lot of the sites, didnt ban those that clearly had issues, they didnt check , they didnt have any form of screening, some offered some filtering options. If people paid money they couldnt see that many of the freebies on there were not able to retrieve their "hellos" . Greedy prices for the same low grade stock no matter what site i seemed to look at. Eharmony said i was in a minority % they couldnt match probably because i ticked too many reality boxes that would narrow my search for what im actually looking for and wanting to avoid.

End of the day few people were keen to form friendships, conversations, or looking for traditional courting and dating. Most want to run before they could walk, (crawl) and in all earnesty so many red flags sent me running away from all of them, fine if i was 18 and wanting to watch a sitcom but at 40, never being married and having no children and having no problems with keeping a stable character profile up for more than five min, it seems as i i was in the minority. Thank the moon i never paid anyone for that malarky. If someone didnt have the time to write to me, and just shoved a tel number up along with pressure to meet up before you know his apple from his adam it became just monotony to keep filling up block lists. Some trawl in there for several hours a day looking for the ideal photo. Shallow seekers drive me nuts, especially when they expect you to have a model portfolio of large photos, and do the twirl whilst they were not exactly looking like a bag of poker chips themselves, out of condition with postage stamp size photos.

If they made a site for people like us run by people like us it would be slightly better they could vet NTs and everyone might be on the same page. Id rather email my self all evening than ever engage in those sites again. In my 20s i did all the meet ups etc etc I had relationships but there were always issues. So I rang the T shirts out then, and they seem to be comming back with the same stuff on offer. If anyone hears of something more appropriate let me know even if its where you found people to socialise with. Thanks.

A few points here:

Online dating is like playing poker -- unless you're James Bond with a magical supply of limitless chips to play at Casino Royale, the odds are stacked against you from the start, especially on free sites. This is because the dynamics of online dating are essentially like a bar or nightclub set into overdrive.

Here's some ideas to consider, especially as an Aspie:

1) As a man, you are outgunned from the start when it comes to online dating. Men outnumber women on online dating sites by a whole lot -- it's an extremely visual medium to be selecting people to talk to. More to the point, as a man, there is a breathtaking level of stupid guys on these sites: the ones who show pictures of themselves with no shirt on, their car, drunk, et al. These guys tend to also inundate the women with torrents of messages, featuring such notable terms of endearment as "yur hawt" or "i want to f**k you" or some other non-aphorism. They essentially drown out the genuine diamonds, like yourselves, with a veritable sea of s**t. It overwhelms the good women on the site, making them much more cynical about the process. Women, avoid these dudes like the plague. Guys, don't take it personally if women are not responding to you all the time; many are probably distrustful of every man's motives on there after awhile.

2) Women on these sites tend to fall into three categories as a general rule. The marginal majority are basically the female version of the guys described above: extremely bad grammar, trashy pictures that show off their, um, assets, and don't have much to offer. Avoid them at all costs. The second category are the nicer girls whom don't know what they want out of the site, maybe lack confidence in themselves and don't say much in their profiles -- it's important to approach these women with sensitivity and good judgment in mind. In other words, if something feels off or if the conversation feels forced, don't move forward. Finally, there's the brass ring of online sites: the smart, educated, engaging women that, unfortunately, form the small minority of women on these sites (the same applies to men).

3) As an Aspie, you've got one clear advantage on these dating sites: your intellect, writing skills and diversity of interests. Fact is, to make yourself distinct on these sites, you need to sell yourself. To be attractive to people, you need to give them a reason to contact you. Looks are often not enough to entice the right people online, so you need to write about yourself in a free-flowing, confident way. Don't undersell yourself. Be yourself. Be confident in yourself.

You should ask first:

"Can Online Dating Sites Work?"

A lot of people here including me tend to have very few interest that we are obsessive about & some of us don't have good intellect writing skills either. The rest of the post made sense. I find using dating sites that have active forums & blog features works a little better than sending out messages to people. The only dating sites I'm using rite now have forums & those were the only sites I made friends on. That's the rezone I haven't left em yet.




If your a good lair who's abusive, a rich successful guy or a hot woman who shows off her "assets"; yes. Otherwise the odds are completely stacked against you like playing the lottery

I had a relationship with 1 person online for 18 months..

The beginning part was cool cause I didnt want to meet at all.. Then one day she talked me into meeting with her.. I told her that i was screwed up and that i wasn't like most other people.. She said this was fine and that she would like to see what i met.. We talked online for about 4 weeks and we got to know each other. I showed her alot of what she was getting into when we would end up meeting and things went futher than what they were supposed to be..

We spent about 4 months dating and seeing each other then we decided to live with each other, I think this was her idea because i dont remember thinking about it.. Anyway i ended up living with her.. it didnt go to well with her kids they hated me and made me feel uncomfortable and awkward.. Plus I wasnt real used to being away from a familiar area and it was bothering me about that also. Anyway fast forward a yr and we started getting into fights and s**t for no reason. She would scream at me about getting a job while i was working at a place that was only giving me like 10 hrs a week.. I was looking in my free time when i wasnt working into looking for a better job.. Anyway she kept screaming and yelling at me to the point where she ended up throwing me out. I was staying with my brother for about 2 months then she was crying about seeing me again and like an idiot i went back to see her.. She told me to come back and stay with her and things would be different.. Like an idiot I believed her.. For some reason this person made me believe what she said.. Nobody has ever made me do this.. I blindly followed her for some odd reason.. anyway.. a couple months later i ended up getting a tax return and she ended up taking it without my knowledge... This let me to get seriously depressed and s**t and make be feel worthless.. I ended up telling her tf off and she ended up telling me to gtfo.. she threw me out with nowhere to go in march of this yr.. I slept in my car for a while to the point where i contemplated in killing myself.. For some reason I didnt..

Anyway to date this incident with this person completely destroyed my life of what it was before and I am still trying to get back into gear as my life was then.. I doubt that it will ever get like it was but meh, I have to deal with this bs in my life till i feel comfortable again.. Which will probably never be.

Anyway this is 1 situation in the online game.. You have to watch people who tend to be more loving and s**t because I learned that in the end they are after something...

After this incident went down in my life i recalled the whole relationship.. I think there were a few things that she envied in my life that she didnt have and she did her damnedest to make sure my life would be as screwed up if not worse than her life.. Most of the actions she caused led me to have a worse life than she has, but this is only temp and i will get back to where i was soon..

Anyway if this helps someone fine if not meh oh well..

Online dating itself does work. In fact, I posted a thread here, fairly recently, about a study which showed online relationships are more likely to be successful than ones started in real life. I also know people who prove this to be true.

Whether or not it works for Aspies depends on the Aspie. You can't generalise, because these things rely on personality, interests, etc, and they're different for everyone. There are far too many factors to consider, so I cannot give you an accurate answer.