Please- I need some help from you experts!

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Hi,

I know this is a place for adolescents, and at 33 I really don't qualify, but I really, really would like to ask the advice of people who have 'been there done that' relatively recently.!

I live in Australia and have a 5 year old son with Aspergers and am so confused as to what to do about his schooling.

Would you rather be in a mainstream school with 330 students and 3 children with autism (all Aspergers) or a mainstream school with 450 students with an Autism base room and structured lunch time activities (like a 'lunch club') and 35 children with Autism and Aspergers? What has been your experience with schooling- can you think of any pros or cons for each situation? I have asked a lot of parents and teachers this, but they don't really have the experience from the student/ child perspective.

That's the short version- read on if you want to know the whole story that I posted on another forum:

He is currently in a mainstream catholic school where he is doing quite well academically, and he has managed to make a few friends. The school is working with me very well with the limited resources they have- I am very happy with what they have put in place in the classroom, but there is no help/ supervision at lunch time at all other than the usual teachers on yard duty that every school has. He has not had any specific problems in the playground that the teachers know of, but they haven't really observed him closely so it's hard to tell how he's really been playing. He is not aggressive or a risk to other kids (well not so far- he went through a period a few months ago of hitting and biting me and his baby brother though.)

I have to pay for all therapies privately (eg. Saturday social skills club). Right now that is fine with government funding, but that will run out when he turns 7. I will not be able to afford too much then. If he did not have Aspergers I would not be considering moving him.

In the school I am considering moving him to (public), they have an Autistic base room where they offer 2 hours a week of social skills (other than this he would be in a mainstream classroom), plus 3 levels of supervision in the playground- either kids playing on equipment/ oval as usual, but a higher number of integration aides watching them and able to step in and correct behaviour if needed, or supervised structured activities in the playground, or structured, supervised activities in the autism base room. Kids can pretty much choose depending on their needs. High level of special needs children and children with English as a second language. There are currently 35 children on the spectrum in a school of 450.

If he were to move, he would probably repeat prep (he is currently the youngest boy in his class) so a lot of the issues with moving wouldn't be a problem- he wouldn't be the 'new kid in school'. It might also help with being at a similar maturity level- though I know he will never be the same.

With the way he is functioning at the moment, it doesn't look like he needs to move, however I am wondering about the future and what he is going to need in a few years time. I am also wondering about the 2 hours a week in the base room- on one hand it would be good for social skills, but on the other I am a bit worried that will automatically mark him as different and the NT kids might be more reluctant to play with him because of that (That is more a fear of my partners too). But then I am thinking he will be different anyway (eg. now he has a line on his desk to deliniate his space, and is likely to need to sit on a sit and move cushion), so what difference will it make.

Both schools are very close. Similar socio-economic level (though slightly higher at current school.)


If you have read this far I thank you- please help out a confused Mother!! !

I'd rather be home schooled. If that wasn't an option, whichever one was quieter.

They "lunchtime activities" sound like they would be hell. I'd go with the one with smaller class sizes. The teachers would be able to work with him a little better. At a large school he may be deemed normal, and not get any accommodations; possibly even get all special ed. classes, and not be able to get a good education.

(accommodation ex. I am aloud to step into the hallway if I'm having a meltdown.)

Frankly, I'd prefer the second one you mentioned - the one with the autism base room and so on.
However, one caveat: another poster has already mentioned that the lunchtime activities don't sound appealing, and I agree that there are plenty of times when being "forced" into a structured activity can be awful. Is there a proviso that can be put in place for, say, spending lunch in the autism base room but not having to do a planned activity (instead, for instance, reading or working with Lego or basically anything that lets your son be in a "safe" place, but not have to be told what to do for "fun")?

Here's why I prefer the autism base room option:
- the school, having such a large ASD student population, will probably be better/more understanding of accommodations in the mainstream classroom (that is, though the class is larger, things like sensory breaks or fidget habits might be better tolerated)
- again because of the large ASD population, the NT students will be more familiar with it and there might be less of a risk of ostracism (and, that said, with more ASD kids, perhaps they can befriend each other as well - all my life, most of my friends have been either on the spectrum, could have been if they'd received a formal diagnosis, or had very similar behaviours [e.g., OCD, social anxiety])
- I remember what lunchtimes were like when I was in early elementary school; in reception class (like prep or kindergarten), they were supervised eating followed by supervised unstructured play, and that was great, but in grade one and upward (when lunch and recess just dumped everyone onto the playground with maybe one or two teachers supervising the whole elementary school), I was often teased or bullied on the playground (to the point where I would automatically spend my recesses hiding under the big log train on the playground to avoid the mean kids)

I added the lunch caveat because my happiest lunch hours were those when no one bothered me and I spent the entire time on the school steps reading books and writing (either poetry, or about mitochondria, one of my strongest elementary-school obsessions). So supervised lunch hours would avoid the bullying, but unstructured supervised time might be the best middle ground.

Edited to add:

There's no way I could possibly have known it at the time (I was already eight years old by the time Asperger's Syndrome became an official diagnosis), but I could have benefited hugely from a few hours a week of social skills training. I understand worrying about marking your son as different, but when there are 35 "different" students (and those are only the ASD kids - surely there are going to be a few ADHD, SPD, etc. children in a population of 450), that might not be so bad! And it might even lead to friendships among the kids who get this "set-aside" time in the autism room for social skills therapy. Best yet, it gives your son a place to ask questions. "Why did Ashley say this when I did that?" "I want Matthew to be my friend. What should I do?" Oh, my gosh, that would've been handy in retrospect.

In any case, I'd prefer the more autism-oriented school, despite the fact that it is slightly larger.

Thank you all for your replies.

MDM- at this stage I don't want to homeschool, as he loves going to school and thrives on the structure of the classroom. I will keep an open mind though, and if I feel like he is not enjoying school, I would consider homeschooling.

Nodice1996- I get your point on not liking structured lunchtime activities. The students are not forced to do that though, they have the option to just play in the playground if they prefer, and there are more teacher aides watching them. I think they also have the option of just chilling out in the autism base room and doing their own thing. The paediatrician thinks he also probably has ADHD, and he loves running, jumping etc. so I don't think being stick in a room all day would be great for him everyday either. But occasionally would be nice- he absolutely loves board games like monopoly, so if they had something like that I think it would suit him a lot. The system in Australia is quite a bit different from that of the USA I think, he would not be in any 'special ed' classes in either school, we don't really have those in mainstream schools, just things like reading recovery, numeracy help, or these sessions in the autism base room. Nodice, I think that he will get accomodations at either school, at his current school when he is overwhelmed by colours or noise or having a bad day they have taken him to a quiet side room and helped him with his work 1 on 1 until he is calmer, at the school I am considering moving him to when I visited there was a girl having a meltdown and she was outside the class and the autism specialist teacher explained to me that when this particular student had meltdown they often got her (NT) sister out of her class as she helped to calm this student down, so sounds like they are quite flexible and used to dealing with that kind of situation. The potential new school (government) has the smaller class sizes- 20 students for a prep class, his current prep class has 27.

Jeyraden- thankyou so much- your reply really helped me. I am so sorry you had to go through the bullying in the playground to the extent that you had to hide , that is my biggest fear for my son. And thanks for pointing out the fact that having a a school with a high ASD and other special needs population might be a good thing.

I'm pretty sure I have made up my mind to move him (though I go through phases like this and then something makes me think the other way!) You've all confirmed what I was already thinking.

Anyone else have any ideas?

Parent centered therapy is the way to go, simply because only parents have sufficient access to daily life opportunities for growth to make the critical difference. Feel free to PM me here if you want more information on this, because I cannot bring myself to toss out pearls to those who don't want them, and that in my experience includes most parents, whose sense of entitlement seems to make them think that the State should be solely responsible for raising their children.