Hope someone is awake and compassionate enough to listen

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Yes, and if you are such a person, hopefully your words of wisdom will get my
insomniac since kindergarten butt to sleep. Basically, I was so angry tonight, I was almost ready to act out (and while I may appear weak, I can at least throw inaminate objects even if I would be on the ground in a manner of seconds after the first chair touches the air). Besides having Asperger's, I also had a drug problem at one point and I've been dragging myself to AA and NA meetings where I get to see everyone connecting in this hippie hippie free-love bs show that someone with only a drug problem and not a disability can indulge in. I have been going for four years and haven't touched any drugs or alcohol in said time period, but haven't been able to build interpersonal relations at the level they seem to do so naturally.

My Asperger's, has been putting me in serious, miserable isolation a lot as of late, and I have been talking about it at NA meetings on a non-stop basis, on the advice of my sponsor, and whether or not it makes people uncomfortable, I could care less. I've been ignored by the vast majority of them, or had it explained to me how comfortable I am in my isolation, that I WANT to be alone. I retorted tonight by explaining that I don't want to be isolated and that I have been following their advice to the letter without any results. One of them had the gauze to tell me that I need to make eye-contact, sit up straight, and not fumble with the big blue book they had given me to read.

While said things are helpful in building relationships, I don't understand why it is beyond the comprehension of mere mortals, that some people have a frustratingly difficult time
performing those so basic of social norms.

I don't wanna scare anyone away from AA or NA either, its the only way I know of to stop drinking or drugging in a sane, and I needed it at one point.

I'm not actually asking for advice, I keep being reassured that things will turn out ok, and its sort of the only hope that I can cling to. I have a job (which most people don't) and a college education, ALL GREAT THINGS. But sitting alone makes me think, and I'm not thinking pleasant thoughts, and I'm sick of it, and I just needed SOMEONE to know.

Also, I have come to grown-up realization that I have to look out for myself first before I worry about anyone else. At the same time, I have serious social ineptitude, but I am teaching some inner-city kids how to play chess in an Americorps program. Its not the best of circumstances, but it makes me feel good.

Do you listen to music? I found that listening to good music makes loneliness easier to handle. That and reading good books. Whenever I feel lonely I think of all the time I have to listen to good music and read good books that I wouldn't have if I had to spend my time being around people. And over time having music and books as distractions can make the bad thoughts easier to drive away.

I feel like you. I'm all over the place. For some reason the smart humans are seeing how fake and mechanical this place is right now. The dumb humans are starting to get really depressed with their routines. Something strange maybe going on in the planet and solar system n not just our minds.