Help with University, please?

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Background: I went to a different Uni last year, four hours from my home town. I'd read all the philosophy up to and including final year, so I was bored. The people at the Uni were all a lot richer than me and only wanted to discuss money. The disability support was more or less nonexistent. I left within a month.

I decided to pick a more vocational course and try again, because I hate to feel like I've failed. I have a habit of blaming myself for everything and presuming that, if I find something hard, I'm just not trying hard enough and/or being melodramatic. My boyfriend has to point out that I do have a disability and deserve more support than I think I do, but I struggle to believe this and presume I'm being needy. Does anyone identify with this?

So, I picked Diagnostic Radiography, as I love anything technical and have photography as a hobby. Plus, I enjoy helping people. One of the main things that makes me happy is being able to solve other peoples' problems or comfort them; I'm only miserable when I'm stuck with my OWN problems, which I can never solve. Therefore, I always wanted to work in a hospital.

I have been living in Halls of Residence since Saturday. All my flatmates are wonderful and very friendly; they keep asking me to go out and I get along with all of them. I even went to a pub quiz last night with one of the guys in my flat and we joined up with some people from a different Hall. My boyfriend lives 30 seconds' walk away from me, in a different flat. I have a mentor, who I am due to meet tomorrow morning, and great disability support (my disability officer came to see me at my first lecture this morning - just an induction thing - and check I got there OK).

However, I'm still apparently f*****g hard to please, and I'm really angry at myself. Surely the above should be all I need? It's way more than NTs get.

Problems from today:

1. I had a two and a half hour gap between my final lecture and my tutorial session. We'd been talking in a tour group, and none of the people on my tour were in my tutor group, so I had to spend all that time totally alone. I didn't know anyone and the Uni was FULL of people. I couldn't find anywhere quiet or a familiar face to chat to in order to distract myself from the sensory overload. So, I hid in a bathroom for the duration (crying a bit), before taking the initiative to look for my boyfriend's Computer Science timetable in the CS department and meet him outside his lecture (he was pleased to see me, we talked for about half an hour, and he also asked to meet up with me after his next appointment, but I was worried I was being "clingy").

2. I tried to contact my disability officer, mentor and tutors during the above time period, but no one was in their office. I nearly ran back to my Halls, but I knew if I began to do that I'd cease to turn up at all in the not-so-distant future, as happened at school.

3. My boyfriend has gone out with his flatmates tonight. He wants me to go clubbing with my own flatmates, but I really don't feel comfortable going, because they're basically strangers. I don't want to get left on my own and not know how to get back (you have to catch a shuttle bus back to my campus from the club, but I don't know what time it runs, and don't want to wait at the stop on my own, at night, dressed for a club).

4. The above point has made me upset, because I really and truly want my boyfriend to go out on his own. He's never been to a club that wasn't a rock/metal/alt one, so he should - of course - be allowed to experience that. However, I still wish he could be staying in with me tonight, and that makes me feel guilty. I know that, logically, I want him to be out with his friends. He wrote me a note to read before bed and was very nice to me.

5. I worry that my boyfriend will soon wonder why he stays with a really pathetic form of aspie when there's some beautiful, normal girls on campus. Especially if I keep being miserable. However, logically, I know that he's told me he loves me BECAUSE I'm different to other girls, so it would be ridiculous if he left me for one of them. I think that is the female part of my brain being silly.

6. I met so many people today, and over the past few, that I'm on the verge of a meltdown. I keep wishing everything would shut up and I could stop feeling, hearing, smelling, seeing anything at all for a while to try to take it all in. I've never met so many students, tutors, admin staff, etc. in such a short period - and they all introduced themselves. I have an endless montage of "hi I'm XYZ" playing through my head. It's making me seriously sick of people.

The bottom line is, I want to be happy for my own sake and for my boyfriend's. I want to relax. I know I am capable of drinking and going out partying, but I usually do it with people I know VERY well and am comfortable with. I want to know how to adapt this to this new situation.

I'd basically like any advice about how to cope. My boyfriend - before he went out - told me to write down the problems I've had, like the two and a half hour gap, and tell my disability officer so she can help. The library has little study rooms that are soundproofed and only big enough for one person, so I'd like the option of going in those if I have a long break by myself, but no one's told me how to use them. Also, a girl in my flat does radiography and wants to be swapped into my tutor group so we can go to tutorials together, but I'm not even sure if that's possible.

Argh. Reassurance or advice, I don't mind. I'm just so very confused, angry and scared about absolutely everything, and I don't even truly know why.

As cliche as it may come across, a series of hobbies is a must.

For example... if you can find a regular "work out partner" you can easily be in a social environment without needing to do much more than the obvious actions. Whether you're clumsy or not, I've found certain things don't require balance....running, lifting weights. I even had another Asperger's friend who joined a Yoga club...her initial attempts were horrendous, but her persistence paid off. At that point, a level of anonymity is beneficial.

I similarly had a hard time in the dorms. The issue is there are simply SOOO MANY STIMULI. Now unfortunately, I initially coped through recreational drugs, I would not suggest that. Find yourself a quiet place somewhere with few passerbyers that's still safe....and read, or knit, or basket-weave,do something!

My point is...you'll likely never be a socialite. So what? Monogamy is the majority of the worlds future. Finding hobbies and people to share those hobbies with is what matters.

Some of the most stressful periods in anyone's life are changes in occupation, changes in residence and changes in family.

You are facing a new academic program, at a new institution. You are living in a new environment, with new people. And to cap it all, you are having concerns with your relationship.

Your stress and anxiety is perfectly understandable. Everyone, whether NT or on the spectrum, would be having issues in your place--the only difference is the gravity of the issues, and the coping mechanisms required.

I suggest trying to build some better structure into your week. Make sure you dedicate some time to being alone and being able to process the changes that are going on. Build some time in for you and your boyfriend to have together--it might be much less stressful when he is away with his friends if you know that you have time set aside with him coming up later on.

There are some things that you can do for yourself. It's perfectly appropriate for you to ask a librarian how you can arrange to use the private study rooms. If you aren't comfortable speaking with a librarian, it's very likely that the library has a general information e-mail address where you could send a written inquiry.

By the same token, don't take everything on yourself. If your roommate wants to swap tutorials, perhaps she can look into that possibility for both of you.

The first few weeks in a new place are overwhelming. Give yourself permission to be a little bit overwhelmed, and pick a few smaller pieces to work on, rather than trying to fix everything at once.