How to help a female teenager on the ASD?

Post Reply New Topic

I was reading for a bit after my daughter was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. She is currently 17, and through all her life she has encountered lots of trouble at school with bullies, understanding classes, looking people at the eye, socializing with others, and she is usually found locked up in her room, searching on her laptop for her current interest. She loves wolf since she was little, and currently, her room is full of pictures and posters of them. So, I was wondering, what can we do to help her?

I need some advice on how to help her with bullies and socializing. We've already gone 3 times to her school to talk about this, and she has changed schools three times. The problem just starts all over again, and the school authorities won't do a thing. (We don't live in the US, and there's VERY little information on autism, in Mexico). Also, some insight on why she spends so much time in her room, please. Another thing is that I was wondering, how can I explain her that hugging me, or her mother for too long is not correct. She usually likes to hug us for more than 5 minutes. Another thing that I have noticed is that she loves her dog, she hugs it, sleeps with it, kisses it, etc. Is this normal? And, I need lots of advice on how to help her understand the classes she doesn't "gets". She has a fairly good average, but she has trouble with Technology over wheels, Regional Scenarios and Spanish.

Thanks!

help her with what?

I would buy her more wolf pictures and give them to her when she cleans her room, or does her house chores. What a wonderful girl you have, she is finding a way to channel her confusion over having to keep up with all the facial expressions and body language of socializing with others. Do you know that not everyone can see the language of the eyes of of the face? Some people (I am one) do not understand how a person stands or moves when they talk to you can be telling you things, too?
So much is missed by not being able to read this language, and it is quite common in people on the autistic spectrum.
I know that sometimes when more than two people are talking at the same time it sounds to me like the radio is between stations and I can mostly hear static. . . or BOTH stations booming over the top of each other!!

So being 'social' is not a reward to itself like it is for someone that reads that sort of body language without thinking about it. It can be pleasant when you know everyone and they know you! but meeting new people all at the same time can be scary! Arms wiggling and legs jiggling and faces making faces and noise noise noise! I am only half joking here, but sometimes it can be quite trying.

Well, anyway. . .

So, she is not 'hiding' in her room so much as she is coping. The fact is, no one likes others to know their weaknesses, but going through life with a certain physical 'look' and behavior , it’s impossible to always avoid making a fool of yourself or looking indignant or undignified.

That doesn't happen with Wolves, though. With wolves each puppy knows the hierarchy and where his/her place is in the group. Facial expressions and body language is short and sweet and no one is confused about their place or what an appropriate length of time it is to hug someone. If a puppy wolf, or an teen wolf does something considered inappropriate in the group they are told in no uncertain terms to stop it. So if you have a conversation have her tell you about how the momma wolf teaches the pup how to be in the social group, how wolf pup learns how the group functions. You can then make parallels to how you could do something like that when she does something she did that was OK when she was a girl, but now that she is a young lady there is a different way of conducting herself in the world. Believe me, I hugged a lot when I was her age and really drove people away. I needed contact and would have done well doing some sort of synchronized swimming to work the hormones out of my system and channel my blossoming sexual energies.

Willingly being social is not its own reward for people on the spectrum, but we can learn how to as a service to others to let ourselves be identified to the group. Wolves are highly social animals, and their ranks and place and behaviour are well documented. Do a quick search on Wikipedia about wolf rankings and perhaps you can approach her in her cross cultural study as how it is likened to how social animals like us humans group together and how the social order is maintained. Perhaps it will help her over the long run 'tune in' that static -ey radio because the social graces will be a signal she can follow when being expected to be social in a group of (noisy) people.

Merle

She spends so much time in her room on the internet looking up her interests because that's likely what she prefers to do.

If she shows an intense interest in something, you should help foster that interest because she could very easily become a world expert in that field.

As for bullies, you know recently here there has been a big thing in the news about bullies and children who committed suicide because they were bullied so much. Maybe you could start raising awareness of the issue in Mexico.

As for your daughter though, you might just want to home school her to avoid the bullies, or call a meeting with the school the bully's parents, and the bullies.

Tell her a hug should be no more than a few seconds.

Concerning her dog, hugging it, kissing it and having it sleep in her bed is fine, as long as she isn't doing anything sexual with it of course!

Looking at the other posts for this screen name (which I sometimes do to see if there is more information I can use to understand the question being asked, and issues involved), I am confused. Are the other posts made by your daughter? Are multiple people sharing this account?

That asked, most of what you mentioned is normal for a teen with AS.

You can insist a hug be ended when you are no longer comfortable engaging in it. If you wish to offer her a weighted blanket or sensory tool to help fulfill the need for deep pressure, that might be worthwhile.

Bullying is complex, and we have another parent here with much more experience and solid information on that than I have, so I'll leave that question to her. Hopefully she will see it.

My teenager spends all her free time in her room reading and researching and writing stories on the computer. That's what she likes and what makes her feel good. As long as she isn't neglecting her schoolwork, I don't see it as problematic and I wouldn't intervene.

I don't think this is completely unusual for NT kids either.

Is homeschooling legal in Mexico?

Can she learn martial arts, maybe? Not necessarily just to fight. Of course, that's part of it, too.

If wolves are a special interest, think about the fact that they're related to dogs. Presumably, she's spending a lot of time with the dog because it's part of (toward the edges of) her special interest. Also, animals are easier to figure out than people.

I can't tell you for certain how she feels, but I feel this way:
People hurt. Being in the same room with people hurts.
People talk too loud, and that hurts.
I'm self-conscious.
Being alone means I can be in tune with my environment and not have anyone passing judgment on what I do.
This world really feels like it was set up without me in mind. Like I'm a guest in someone else's house wherever I go, even in my own house. I wish I had a place of my own, but even my room feels like it's not mine and I'm not welcome; presumably, though, your daughter is lucky and feels safe/welcome in her room, if nowhere else. Wouldn't you seek out a place where you were welcome rather than a place you weren't?

She sounds like fun.