any tips on how to get a girlfriend?

Post Reply New Topic

Ok , all those websites that are about how to be an alpha male, how to get girls ,etc. assume you have PERFECT social skills.

I know there is no magic way to get a girl, but i want to know what has worked for any of you guys who have had girlfriends here and have aspergers.

being an aspergers person: the idea of flirting perplexes me. so how do i get a girl.

I'm a girl with AS.
I think that you shouldn't be going out of your way to try to find a girlfriend. Let it occur naturally.
For instance, don't go on websites promising you that they'll find you a girlfriend (depending on your age... if you're posting in the Adolescent forum, I assume you're a pre-teenager/teenager). Don't meet girls online. Instead, wait until you feel like you are sure you like a girl after you get to know in person until you ask her out. Most girls (good girls, that is ) don't want to feel rushed into a relationship.

Being your 14 you have a huge advantage.

Girls your age think shy = cute. That's not always going to be the case so exploit it while you can.

They like shy, and romantic, but confident enough to talk to them. They also don't expect you to have the best social skills in the world.

Just pick some heart throb of the week guy they all drool over and try to emulate him somewhat. I mean don't break out into singing Justin Bieber songs but just use it as a style guide.

Last edited by Chronos on 13 Oct 2010, 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Are you friends with any girls? If not then I'd suggest going out and making friends who are girls without worrying about relationships. At any rate it should improve your social skills and confidence around girls, so when you do meet one you click with it'll be a lot easier.
(as an aspie girl I found that making guy friends first also led me to meet their friends, eventually and without really looking I happened to end up with awesome boyfriend - I might just be lucky, but I wouldn't have met him in the first place without making friends with those people)

Girls like the right kind of confidence which can be difficult for neurodivergent people, but certainly not impossible. Girls can be difficult to impress. My advice is to just roll with any punches that get thrown your way. Eventually something will work out. I also heard that while girls tend to be generally attracted to some men they don't figure out if they want to date them until they've talked to them. Guys may pick out the girls they want to date before they've even talked to them.

The hardest part is getting the confidence to go up and talk to a girl, once you do that and start to become comfortable with it, everything should be pretty easy in terms of socialising. That's what I find, anyway.

When it comes to actually asking a girl out, well that's a hard thing for even NTs to do. But again, it's all about getting the confidence, and remember that if she says no, it isn't the end of the world. I've been rejected a lot more than not, but I've still had relationships and they were ones I enjoyed, with girls who were worth my time and effort - which the ones who reject you aren't.

I'm not going to go into "girls like..." lists because that's all nonsense. Different girls like different things in a guy.

An important step that I feel has been neglected in the replies is an open, perhaps masculine, body language. Some examples:

1. The closer your hands are to each other the more insecure you look.

2. Do not keep your arms in front of your torso unless you are using them for something, since that makes you look insecure, perhaps even rejecting depending on how exactly you keep your arms.

3. Walk confidently by moving your arms slowly back and forth in rhythm with your walking speed.

And so on. Approaching people is hard when you have an insecure and rejecting body language. It makes them confused.

be yourself. duh. lol and if that dont work, act confident with your body language and speech. make them laugh girls love funny confident guys. figure out what shes interested in and let her kno what u have in common, in casual conversation. listen when girls talk to u. u dont even have to say much but if they kno u are listening it helps a lot. tell her shes beautiful, and make her feel like she is. dont overdo it. but honestly being yourself is the best advice i can give cuz the right girl out there for u will want u, not the u whos taken advice of how to get a girlfriend...

wont get u nowhere.

wut ur basically saying is:

... 'dont meet girls.'





wuts confidence.

an how do u act like this.

i'd like to know.

Look at my post for examples.

talk softly and be a laypastor

this may or may not be a joke

start being more outgoing until your social skills til the point where you can handle being an socially active member of a group of plus 10(i know it sounds hard but over the course of 6 months i went from being the silent guy in the corner to the most charismatic member to basically every part i go to), be comfortable in your own skin you would not believe how many people aren't and be confident cool calm relaxed and friendly but don't say bad stuff or get eccentric, smile a lot and look her in the eye get to know each other and if she mentions a bf or somethin sorry dude but if not when you feel comfortable enough ask her how she really feels about you and vice versa and if she says no just take it and move on i know it sucks but you'll find some1 someday good luck dude

also as a note most girls like guys who are real cocky all the time and funny not just cocky though that will lose you so many friends and make some enemies to to quick to believe. like i said be cocky and funny never just cocky, which by the way you should be that way more of the time cuz people will get so pissed and jealous cuz its so annoying ut don't over do it a LOT of people hate cocky people