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jojobean
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13 Oct 2010, 7:17 pm

After much internal debate, I have come to the conclusion that I am probably not going to get married...in some ways this makes me sad, but I am just too indpendant and dont do well with changes in my homelife. But the more I think about it, why do people feel the need to meet someone they have not known their entire life and within a year choose to spend the rest of their life with that person. What compels people to want to do this to themselves? You never really know anyone completely and to invite an anouther person to live with you and totally having to adjust your life and your routines to someone else, and each person comes with their own emotional baggage which further complicates the living situation. Why do people feel the need to do this to ourselves. On the subject of sex...it is just something that is just too overwhelming and does not feel good to me anyway.
So even if I do get married, sex will be an issue unless I can arrange a celibate marriage.
Does any one else feel this way, or am I just weird???


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jamesongerbil
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13 Oct 2010, 7:29 pm

marriage is good from the viewpoint of finances. taxes, financial aid, and whatnot. truly.



pezar
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13 Oct 2010, 7:42 pm

The point of marriage is to keep a man and a woman together long enough to raise enough offspring to perpetuate the species. Once upon a time, when people only lived 60 years and families had 10 kids, it was necessary for marriage to be a lifelong thing. Back then, if a girl got prego the town hunted down the guy and "advised" him to marry her. That's how most marriages started in the old days. And the two once horny young lovers learned to tolerate each other. And they had lots of kids, because most kids died before age 5. That meant that they had to stay together until death, because they only lived to be 60.

So, here we are in 2010. People live to be 100. Unless your kid is disabled, it's a good bet he/she will be on his/her own after his/her early 20s. That means the couple is still in their 40s and horny when the kids are out of the house, since they've only got 2 or 3. So a lifelong marriage really isn't needed anymore. And with welfare, men aren't really needed at all, except to donate sperm.

Most women see the archaic structures of child support, which was once meant to enforce by law the idea that a man had a fatherly duty to his kids, as a lottery they can't lose. Seduce a guy and get the judge to give you 50% of his income for the next 18 years. Do this with 4 or 5 guys. Buy a Cadillac. It's a lose-lose for the guy. It seems that society needs to be restructured, or you get more cases like the guy in Reno who drove out into the desert to kill himself because his ex got most of his income. They found him 8 months later.



Shadwell
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13 Oct 2010, 7:50 pm

Very, very beautiful in some ways such as your not lonely and it keeps you in check, but very difficult in some ways. Biologically people are undeniably non-monogamous, so fidelity is very difficult.



CanadianRose
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13 Oct 2010, 7:54 pm

pezar wrote:
The point of marriage is to keep a man and a woman together long enough to raise enough offspring to perpetuate the species. Once upon a time, when people only lived 60 years and families had 10 kids, it was necessary for marriage to be a lifelong thing. Back then, if a girl got prego the town hunted down the guy and "advised" him to marry her. That's how most marriages started in the old days. And the two once horny young lovers learned to tolerate each other. And they had lots of kids, because most kids died before age 5. That meant that they had to stay together until death, because they only lived to be 60.

So, here we are in 2010. People live to be 100. Unless your kid is disabled, it's a good bet he/she will be on his/her own after his/her early 20s. That means the couple is still in their 40s and horny when the kids are out of the house, since they've only got 2 or 3. So a lifelong marriage really isn't needed anymore. And with welfare, men aren't really needed at all, except to donate sperm.

Most women see the archaic structures of child support, which was once meant to enforce by law the idea that a man had a fatherly duty to his kids, as a lottery they can't lose. Seduce a guy and get the judge to give you 50% of his income for the next 18 years. Do this with 4 or 5 guys. Buy a Cadillac. It's a lose-lose for the guy. It seems that society needs to be restructured, or you get more cases like the guy in Reno who drove out into the desert to kill himself because his ex got most of his income. They found him 8 months later.


I'm sensing some cynicism.

As for the misogynist comment about all a woman has to do is "seduce a guy and get a judge to give you 50% of his income for the next 18 years. Do this is 4 or 5 guys. Buy a Cadillac...."

Here's a thought for a guy having sex outside a long term relationship or marriage - WEAR A CONDOM OR GET A VASECTOMY IF NO CHILDREN ARE DESIRED! Pretty simple.

BTW - most family law would not give a "one night stand" mother "50%" of the income - it would be set amount per child. Take a look at the case of Blue Edwards (retired basketball player). He actually sought custody of the child. When he didn't get custody - he ceased paying support. Hardly the "lottery" pezar seems to think it is....



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13 Oct 2010, 8:49 pm

So - right. Do not even THINK about marriage. Until you meat the person who makes marriage seem like sense. Then you might see a point in it. Best advice there is.



League_Girl
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14 Oct 2010, 12:05 am

I wanted to meet someone because I want to have kids and I need a man and I sure don't want to be a single parent. I'm hoping we stay together for life.

About marriage, I used to not see the point in it either until my husband told me you get a tax break. So I did it for that.
Plus there are other benefits you get with it, when you're married, if your partner ends up in the hospital and they allow family members only to visit, you can visit him. Plus if he dies, you get to decide what to do with their stuff and their money.


But I would not marry some random person :wink: Make sure they are the kind of person you want and want to be with forever.



League_Girl
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14 Oct 2010, 12:10 am

pezar wrote:
The point of marriage is to keep a man and a woman together long enough to raise enough offspring to perpetuate the species. Once upon a time, when people only lived 60 years and families had 10 kids, it was necessary for marriage to be a lifelong thing. Back then, if a girl got prego the town hunted down the guy and "advised" him to marry her. That's how most marriages started in the old days. And the two once horny young lovers learned to tolerate each other. And they had lots of kids, because most kids died before age 5. That meant that they had to stay together until death, because they only lived to be 60.

So, here we are in 2010. People live to be 100. Unless your kid is disabled, it's a good bet he/she will be on his/her own after his/her early 20s. That means the couple is still in their 40s and horny when the kids are out of the house, since they've only got 2 or 3. So a lifelong marriage really isn't needed anymore. And with welfare, men aren't really needed at all, except to donate sperm.

Most women see the archaic structures of child support, which was once meant to enforce by law the idea that a man had a fatherly duty to his kids, as a lottery they can't lose. Seduce a guy and get the judge to give you 50% of his income for the next 18 years. Do this with 4 or 5 guys. Buy a Cadillac. It's a lose-lose for the guy. It seems that society needs to be restructured, or you get more cases like the guy in Reno who drove out into the desert to kill himself because his ex got most of his income. They found him 8 months later.


To this day, some people still marry just because the woman is pregnant or she had a baby so they both think they should marry because of their baby.

Men can get full custody over their kids too and the mother has to pay child support. I wonder what if they both had joint custody? Is there still child support involved? Do they both pay it?



jojobean
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14 Oct 2010, 11:17 am

thank you for all your replies. I can see from your point of views why you chose marriage.

Philologos...you are probably right...I have buisness getting married until I find someone that makes marriage make sence. I kinda identify with the Mae West quote, "Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to be in an institution."

League Girl... Marriage seems to have its social and finacial benifits. I have a friend of mine who has been in a long term relationship but does not want to marry cuz her kids are grown and she does not want the government in her relationship ( I dont get this part really)
So were you concitering a LTR but your husband perswaded you to marry him?

Pezar...The brief history of why people marry is interesting and informative. I do think, however, that birth control is both a male and female responcibility. I feel bad for the guy that shot himself because of the result of his sexual misadventures, but a condom could prevent that problem.

Canadian Rose... great point!! !

Shadwell...How does Marriage keep you in check???

Jamesongerbil...how does marriage help with finacial aid??? I heard it was the opposite...at least some families where the combined income put the couple into a higher income bracket


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Asp-Z
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14 Oct 2010, 11:21 am

The point of marriage? Lower taxes, of course! :lol:

But seriously? There is no point. Cohabitation is the same thing but without an expensive party and a legal contract - because, of course, at the heart of all healthy relationships, there is a legal contract :roll:



t0
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15 Oct 2010, 12:49 am

Asp-Z wrote:
But seriously? There is no point. Cohabitation is the same thing but without an expensive party and a legal contract - because, of course, at the heart of all healthy relationships, there is a legal contract :roll:


If you meet and marry the right person, you'll understand that there is a point. It's not something that can be explained to a person that hasn't experienced it. It's kind of like geometry. Some people get it and some people never do.



League_Girl
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16 Oct 2010, 1:56 pm

jojobean wrote:
thank you for all your replies. I can see from your point of views why you chose marriage.

Philologos...you are probably right...I have buisness getting married until I find someone that makes marriage make sence. I kinda identify with the Mae West quote, "Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to be in an institution."

League Girl... Marriage seems to have its social and finacial benifits. I have a friend of mine who has been in a long term relationship but does not want to marry cuz her kids are grown and she does not want the government in her relationship ( I dont get this part really)
So were you concitering a LTR but your husband perswaded you to marry him?

Pezar...The brief history of why people marry is interesting and informative. I do think, however, that birth control is both a male and female responcibility. I feel bad for the guy that shot himself because of the result of his sexual misadventures, but a condom could prevent that problem.

Canadian Rose... great point!! !

Shadwell...How does Marriage keep you in check???

Jamesongerbil...how does marriage help with finacial aid??? I heard it was the opposite...at least some families where the combined income put the couple into a higher income bracket



I assume LTR means Long term relationship. I was looking more for a permanent relationship. But they don't always last and people can be married over 15 years and divorce or be married for over 25 years and divorce. I know someone online whose parents got divorced after being married that long and what broke up their marriage, his mother wanted to move out west and her husband didn't so they divorced. She had always wanted to live out west so she decided to finally move out there. Yep anything can happen that would break up a long term marriage.

My husband talked me into marriage by telling me about tax break. On facebook I said that was why I married him and one of my old school mates asked me if that is why I am pregnant too so I can get more tax break :lol: Then she said she was kidding when I told her that was not why and I always wanted kids. I didn't even know you get tax breaks when you have kids until she told me. But I would think it be a dumb reason to have kids for because they cost money to raise so you be basically be spending money for tax break and I bet you be spending more on your kids than what you get back in taxes so what be the point? Have them just because you want to have them and you want to be a parent and enjoy having kids and raising them, not for the money. Same as for marriage. Don't marry just some random guy for the money, marry him because you love him and enjoy being with him and you like what kind of fella he is.



Asp-Z
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16 Oct 2010, 1:57 pm

t0 wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
But seriously? There is no point. Cohabitation is the same thing but without an expensive party and a legal contract - because, of course, at the heart of all healthy relationships, there is a legal contract :roll:


If you meet and marry the right person, you'll understand that there is a point. It's not something that can be explained to a person that hasn't experienced it. It's kind of like geometry. Some people get it and some people never do.


You're assuming I haven't been in love before. You're assuming wrong.



jojobean
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16 Oct 2010, 3:05 pm

I dont think ever ever really loved someone enough to marry them. I look at the divorce rates and the number of couples that I have seen that are married unhappily ever after, and I seen so much misery that has come from two people who thought they were in love only to find out that they cant stand each other 10 years later. How do I know that my prince charming does not turn into a sociopathic toad?? After watching what my mother went through in trying to get away from my father (he sent stalkers after her and he tried to kill her numerous times), I am scared witless about comitting to anyone. It seems to me that marraige is like playing russian roulete with my life. I have seen very few couples in my life that were truly happy together after 15+ years. Somehow I was wondering if marriage or lifetime monogomy is natural. I am probably going to be single the rest of my life because of my trust issues. Sometimes this bothers me and other times it feels liberating. I have been in some long term relationships, but most of them have been rather dysfunctional. I worry about following my mother's footsteps in choosing a mate. Somehow lonliness seems to be less misery than living with constant emotional upheaval.


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Seanmw
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16 Oct 2010, 5:06 pm

some of the practical reasons

1.) Lower taxes
2.) Legitimate children
3.) Twice as much family support if you count the new in-laws; particularly if they like you.


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16 Oct 2010, 6:53 pm

Legal benefits and stability for your children if you have any.