HELP - Coping with meltdowns as an adult?

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Not sure if this is the right forum for this.

I've had meltdowns all my life, but lately they have been happening quite frequently. At least, I think they are meltdowns. Anyway, they don't usually last very long, but basically what happens is I cry hysterically and have almost overwhelming impulses to break or throw things, to scream and/or to injure myself, and sometimes I hit my head on the wall or floor and I don't even feel like it's really in my control. I don't want to behave this way and I know it's not good, but I feel like I lose control of my mind and my body. It seems like the control that I do have is just enough to choose one form of destruction over another. Not very helpful.

I am often unaware of my own emotions until they reach extreme levels, which makes it even more difficult to prevent getting to this state. I won't even know how bad I am feeling until some little thing causes me to lose it completely.

I'm living by myself and with extremely high stress levels and trying to do too much at once. Unfortunately there isn't really much I can do to remove the sources of stress in my life at this time, short of dropping out of college, which I really do not want to do (it's my last year). There is no one around to help me manage this when I get into this state.

Help! How can I deal with this in a way that is not destructive?

[Clarification/further description in a later post]

Last edited by PangeLingua on 14 Oct 2010, 5:38 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Hang in there. College is rough. I'm on my last semester.

Things get somewhat better as you get older, especially if you spend at least some of the time learning coping skills.

For me, I really had to go out of my way to structure my life so as to have less responsibilities, and focus only on the ones that mean the most to me. Sometimes that means getting really creative and learning how to set ruthless priorities and boundaries.

I never had a problem with emotional control, I'm usually cold as a fish. But I do have a problem with stress and panic, if I can't see the end, if I don't know the path to get from A to B, I get lost and start chasing my own tail, faster and faster. I can't tolerate that.

I figured out early on that I must have a partner. It was very hard to find one who understood and would put up with me, but without having this "grounding" I spent too much time thinking about myself.

Less responsibility is good too, although hard in college. A lighter class load might help, and don't be a "joiner". Keep it simple, keep it simple, that's my mantra.

Also find your zen spot. I have a few, they are different for everybody. I like practice sobriety tests like counting fingers, it's a nice, repetitive activity you can do in class. In college, I would frequently find time to go for a walk in the woods, climb a tree, and read a book or watch the ants climbing the bark. Long aimless walks or drives are also calming for me.

I feel as if I am doing everything I can to prevent them. It is not possible for me to take fewer classes. I try to take time to de-stress but it's not possible for me to take as much time as I need to. I take walks. I've been having insomnia and nothing I've tried has helped with that. And as I said, I am not good at monitoring my own emotions - it's like my own emotions are often invisible to me until I am completely falling apart.

It doesn't seem possible to prevent ever getting to this state, once I am there is there anything I can do or do I just have to resign myself to the madness?

Emotions can be tricky: I am normally totally cold calculating and logical, but my house bears scars of times when I was overcome suddenly and lashed out. These outbursts came without warning and have always had inanimate objects as targets( I put my fist through a door, threw a flashlight with enough velocity that it became lodged in a cinder block wall, I hurled a gas can through our utility room door) most of the time, I am without emotion, extremely patient and calm. In many cases, my failure to react emotionally and instead follow logic has saved lives including my son, several of my friends and myself (in each case, I experienced the emotions after the event was over and suppressed them)

Some of those are very good stories, but I am working on not getting long winded to people who aren't interested...

This is not something that I would describe as an autistic meltdown because you describe overwhelming urges and, essentially, uncontrollable rage. Meltdown is a defense against sensory overload.

I would suggest excessive stress, anxiety, possibly depression. I assume this is a recent change in your behaviour, and probably something that is readily treated.

I think you should see your doctor and explain your behaviour and feelings, and expect at least the possibility of a psych consultation.

Excessive stress is definitely a factor, but stress and sensory overload seem to feed each other. The more stressed out I become, the more sensitive I am to sensory stimuli, and finally all the sensory stimulus is unbearable, my brain doesn't seem to be working anymore, I can't talk properly, then some seemingly small thing will occur and suddenly I lose control of my emotions and to some degree my actions also. I thought stress and anxiety could be factors in a meltdown, maybe I'm wrong.

But I can be unaware of the escalation in stress/overload until it's too late. Or sometimes I am aware, but not able to get out of the situation that is causing it.

No, it's not a recent change, it's been happening since I was a child (since I was a baby, really), only more frequently lately. Like when I was young, it would happen often if there was a family gathering for a holiday (I'd get tired and overwhelmed quickly) or if something unexpected happened.

So no one can help ...

Last edited by PangeLingua on 14 Oct 2010, 6:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I will say this, sometimes there is a greater stress/emotional component, and sometimes there is a greater sensory component. In the latter case, I feel like I am crawling out of my skin and I just want to physically get away from everything including my own body. In the former case, I have the same sense of wanting to get away, but instead of wanting to get away from my body and whatever it is that is causing the sensory issues, I want to get away from my emotions which are overwhelming. However, there is usually an element of both, and my outward actions tend to be the same in any case.

If someone could at least tell me that they have had this experience and I'm not completely insane, that would be nice.

I can vouch for having the wanting to jump out of my skin feeling. I once had a meltdown at work, just walked out. when I got home I gathered the family together, told them they had 20 minutes to gather their most prized posessions and put them in the car, if they didn't fit they didn't go.. looked on the map for the state with the lowest population per square mile in the lower 48 states (Wyoming) and packed everyone up and drove to Wyoming.. (the trip was quite an adventure and my family thought I had totally lost my mind) It's a long story, and it wasn't the last time I attempted to flee humanity.. but that's a story for another post..

They don't have to be sensory at all. What you describe sound like meltdowns to me. It can also be from things like being put in a situation that your brain can't handle and you don't know how to get out of... Something changing from what you were expecting... Just people stressing you out and being difficult in general, even, if it builds up enough. Often it's a combination of sensory and other stuff. There are a lot of ways that an autistic person can get overloaded, not just when it comes to sensory issues.

I am sorry, I missed that out in my post. I relate to your experience and I think that I have had very similar episodes.

I have AS and I occasionally have what I would call meltdown, usually in an environment with a lot of sensory stimulation and sometimes with emotional stimulation.

I have also suffered from depression / anxiety and had extremely unpleasant and destructive emotional episodes. If you are experiencing something like this, then there certainly are people who can help - some therapies, relaxation, anger management, meditation and sometimes medication.

And you are right, the two feed off each other in a reinforcing cycle.

OK, thank you for your responses and letting me know that I'm not alone.

What I'm gathering from all this is that I need professional help... actually I knew that already. The trouble is, there aren't a lot of options in the town where I am now. Hmm.

But, yeah, you're definitely not alone. Really severe meltdowns are rare for me, but I just recently got fired for kicking something and making a dent in it while having a meltdown at work... And that wasn't even a particularly bad meltdown compared to what happened after i was fired.. and initially it was over a manager making me do stuff i wasn't expecting or mentally prepared to do that day. Sometimes i deal with changes fine, but sometimes i have something set in my mind about how the day is going to go and people forcing me to do something else just makes me snap( i was also on pain meds and my back was hurting.. and some kid was screaming at one point..). People putting me into situations i can't handle have put me into meltdowns at work quite a few times.. And then that and stuff going on around me just builds up and i explode(sometimes it's just a short outburst and i shut down for a little bit.. and sometimes it's a full blown meltdown, with a bunch of outbursts and i act completely crazy). I have no idea how to control them, though. Sometimes i have been able to go off by myself and calm down, but sometimes i can't do that.

Dude, you are so totally not alone. I've been having meltdowns big time since I hit puberty, mostly brought upon by stress or outside poking by people like my abusive parents. I used to be much more violent and self abusive; it took years to stop hitting people (like I did when I was a child) and then it took years to stop hitting walls, then more years to stop yelling, etc. I was kind of a screwed up basket o' cookies, if ya know what I mean. Still feel screwed up inside but most of the time I hide it better now. But I still find myself hiding balled up in a corner from time to time or freaking out on my boyfriend.

I don't have a lot of concrete help to give you. I still have these overloads or emotional spirals where I get stuck and it escalates like crazy. My best personal therapy these days is to smoke pot and cry and write it all out. I decided to try pot medicinally about 5 years ago when I was 30. It helps me a lot, but I metabolize it kind of weird so I wouldn't recommend it for everyone. And I find it works best as a supplement, in *small* doses throughout the day so it keeps me on an even keel without getting me messed up. That's probably my best preventative towards the meltdowns (and the insomnia & the generalized anxiety & depression). If I don't have pot I have to eat 5 times a day or I get jittery and bitchy and tired and just overall on edge. By dinnertime I'm ready to kill and/or fall over. So with me I've got some kind of weird linkage to my blood sugar that strangely enough the pot seems to help regulate. Anti-depressants can help some, too, but I don't take those anymore so it's kind of hard to remember how much.

Speaking of both school and therapy, though - you really should investigate your school's health and/or counseling services. My school allows 6 counseling visits per semester plus access to a full shrink, for free. It's included in the student fees. And they might have other stuff available, or at least referrals. Never hurts to check.

Same for me - and I am dealing with chronic pain right now as well, which I am sure significantly lowers my meltdown threshold. I'm sorry that you got fired.

Thanks. Yeah, hopefully the surgery will correct everything... The pain meds make me get irritated more easily than usual. While at work it seemed to magnify every little annoyance. I might not have even had a meltdown over that situation, or at least not as bad, had i not been on those. I actually hadn't had any significant meltdowns at work for awhile.. it had been months.. and then suddenly that week i had them over two different situations, a few days apart. My mom called the EEOC and, according to them, we could sue if we wanted to.. Because i warned that manager that i was getting upset and could have a meltdown. I don't think i'm up for that, though. They still haven't even fixed the stupid dent i made, so it obviously doesn't matter than much to them whether it's dented or not.. If they hadn't fired me, and the manager involved stopped making me go to toys, i would have gotten a hammer and un-dented it as soon as i calmed down. Bleh..