Should I just stop "making" friends?

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I don't really have any to begin with but it seems the ones I make, I anger one way or the other. They get angry at me and never tell what I did wrong. What am I suppose to do? I try to look at it from their perspective but can't. I know I'm not the best when it comes to empathy or being the first to ask if there's something wrong when I should.

Maybe I should just give up? It only makes me feel worse and I guess it's too late whenever you try to mend it all. Am I the only one here?


EDIT: I may have made everyone feel insecure by using the term
"friend". I meant it's hard for me to talk with people one on one.

I hear you, I only have one real friend that I see often, and one or two others (and my ex wife :/ ).
My "mates" from school can only handle me in small doses and I get excluded from their activities.

I have no real problem talking to people but making friends and dating are something else.

Um yep, I think you'll find your experience very common with Aspie folk. I have no trouble getting girls (yes got lucky in that department ) but i find after a couple of weeks/months they get more and more rude to a point where it's clear I'm being punished for something and I haven't got a clue why. It's not like I'm abusive or hostile- I'm told I'm too sensitive generally- yet when I break it off with them (usually when they're too abusive) they act horrified and next thing I know anyone I know as a result of that relationship (mostly friends of hers) act like complete as*holes, totally vile or no eye contact leave the room stuff.
Friendships are a version of this where I just get laughed at more and more to the point of almost blatant abuse and bullying. This of course is hilarious to everyone, and people are actually quite surprised when I get upset or angry about it.
So I'm as lost as you are. A couple of female friends I've kept- they seem quite different- and I've had a couple of work mates who seem to enjoy the brain and the slightly altered way of thinking. I think it's almost a quiet respect or admiration for having the spine to be different I think. Not sure.
I just tick away, quietly being myself and just remain friendly but distant when the tell tale signs rear there heads (when they start making comments about arrogance I strap on the parachute). I've found over time you'll build a core group of friends who genuinely do care about you and who genuinely accept you. And these are the sort of people who are worth keeping.

I seem to be able to be friends with one person at a time. I'm really trying to get beyond this, but it's very difficult. I was was walking with my boyfriend, the one friend I have right now, yesterday, and had a sudden feeling of hatred toward people in general, something I often experience.

And I said, "I hate people."

He said, "No, you don't, which is true, but I tried to explain to him why I often feel that way.

It feels like I have to pretend to be someone other than I am in order to make myself acceptable to other people. I have to pretend to feel less intensely about things than I do. I have to ignore things that hurt my feelings and offend my sense of fairness. Worst of all, I have to pretend that I be less than I am: I feel hobbled by having to pretend that my mind works the same way that neurotypical people's minds work.

But when I don't do that, when I actually let the full force of my thoughts and emotions come through, I inevitable scare people away. Or they simply don't react at all, and I feel less understood and more alone than I would if I had just left everything unsaid.

But--- I really am getting better at this. I used to lie to myself about the way I felt, pretend to myself that I cared a lot more about social niceties and the boring things neurotypical people talk about than I did. Now I just pretend to them, which still messes me up, but seems to be necessary.

They are not really friends then.

Finding friends is about trial and error. The more people you know the more likely you are able to meet a friend, often a friend is someone you met through someone else. Keep what you have



Yes, that's most of social interactivity. Is it logical? NO. Is it fair? NO. But in that ocean of interactions there is a chance to find different people that you will consider friends. In average you'll make 5 good friends in a lifetime, and they are worth the search.

You're not the only one.
Today when I start to relate to someone, I consider this will happen at some time, this way I'll not be so disappointed.
And doesn't matter how much I ask, they never tell me what I said or did that made them pissed off.

Very well said, and summarizes what I have thought recently about myself.
I feel offended by people stupidity all the time but I can't say one single word about it. It's like someone hurting a pet in front of me, and I have to look at the scene and pretend that it's funny or normal.

I think this is the case with everyone here who tries to be social. My experience says: 1) Don't get attached to most people too much and never in the beginning.
2) Don't mess with those who are high on the social ladder then you mess up with everyone lower than him/her.
3) Don't ask anyone about their sexual life, boyfriend or girlfriend when they are not really close to you and never in a group.
4) Learn local language skills whose link you can see in my signatures.

Have those people as your friend with whom you share professional interest and those who are nice hearted also. These people will become your best friend and they will be very few. Have real friends. Number doesn't matter and try to absorb yourself in your special interest.
Good luck to all aspies.

Same here. I am 24 but only started trying to befriend people a couple of years ago. Before that I kept mostly to myself. I have since left a long trail of enemies behind me - everyone I meet, especially girls who I get close to (it's happened a few times, not sure how) now absolutely hates me, along with all their friends. I am now even hearing rumours coming back to me from other places and hearing how so many people in my town think I'm "really weird".

Not a single human has thus far been willing to explain what I did or do wrong. No one. Some I have asked and they think I am just playing dumb, and get even more angry. My not joining in with the anger seems to make them even angrier, too.



Actually, yes, I think we shouldn't even try to be friendly with humans. It clearly upsets them, and is an absolutely futile pursuit for ourselves. The trouble is that unless you isolate yourself so that no one ever meets you (which is actually pretty easy), people will always try to get to know you, every so often. You have to remember, though, that the initial offence caused by your immediate rejection/disinterest will be much, much less than if you went along with it and then inevitably wounded them later on. In the former case, you will be forgotten quickly, but in the latter case you will be remembered forever as an evil, unpleasant person and your reputation will be ruined.

You know. This is how it works for me now and then. But more in friendship. Not really relationship.



I think that's your problem. At some point I too thought I was pretending. I now call it being a social chameleon.

I think that people should not give up on having friends. I do think that people have to realize that as they get older, the nature of friendships do change. I have always beckoned for the day that I could have a childhood style friendship, but I am coming to realize that that is no longer a possibility.

Most of my friendships are acquaintancships that have formed over the last few years and are based around work, church, volunteer activities and hobbies. They are probably never going to be any more than seeing that person at the venue that you normally interact with them, running into them out and about and the occasional Facebook post. The intimacy of childhood friendships would be ackward and inaapropriate with these people.

While on the subject of childhood friendships, I have had people get nasty with me on a couple of occasions when I have tried to rekindle the spirit of the friendship when I was younger. I have come to realize that the dynamic has changed.

i dont know whats right for you, but i seem to get into fights online with all my friends. haha

i just think it comes with the territory, frankly i hate some of the people. so naturally fighting with them is going to happen.

IRL, i stopped trying to make friends years ago~ people really arent worth my time anymore so i guess now im a loner. Oh well,

sometimes it makes me sad, but what other outcomes could there be? have lots of friends and be happy? that isnt true. people with lots of friends, are still sad Lol.