My Mom Won't Believe Me...

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Hi. I'm new here. Like just-registered-five-seconds-ago new.

I just turned 17, but I spent years looking up social and mental disorders in attempt to classify all my oddities, and a couple of months ago, purely by chance, I saw Aspergers Syndrome. I am completely convinced that I do have this, but when I brought it up to my mother, she didn't take me seriously at all. I was so disheartened by her reaction that I didn't even bother talking to my father about it.

See, my mother is against 'labeling', and she seems to think all doctors want to do nowadays is lable people. She goes on about how when she was young, people didn't even have an term for "Aspergers Syndrome"- ( and she says that the way she might say "unicorn", or "tooth fairy" or something simialry silly for a grown person to believe in.) I tried to explain to her the symptoms, and how many of them I had, how easily I could run down a list of AS traits and point out that trait in myself.

Her response was to tell me that she has some of those, did I think she has AS too, then? Quite frankly, I do think she has some form of mild social disorder, but I didn't point that out to her.

She seems to make it a joke now. It bothers me a great deal, because I am completely serious and she acts as if I told her I am from Krypton. ( which is an analogy she used to describe my differences from other people, before I brought up the whole AS subject. )

Recently, when I was making a comment about the possibiliy of my having Discalculia ( Math-based learning disability, as all my other grades are A's, yet I can barely passing math/any math-related class), she made a comment along the lines of "So you've move on from that "Aspergers Syndrome" now." Like it was a joke about some passing fancy. Like "So you've moved past that guy you had a crush on?"

I intend to see a professional about getting an actual diagnosis once I turn 18 ( If I can work up the courage to actually initate contact with another person, that is ). But in the meantime, how do I try and get my mother to understand that I am serious and she needs to be too?

Welcome to Wrong Planet!
My mother reacted in a similar way when I told her about AS. I think she only gave in because I explained how much it bothered me to be how I was without an explanation, and my mathematics tutor had told her five years before I discovered AS that she thought I might have it. I also think I made my mother feel guilty for not getting me assessed earlier.

Is there anyone else in your family you could talk to about it, or a school counsellor? Maybe you should try talking to your dad, unless he is worse than your mother for things like this. You could try explaining how much these problems impact on your life, and you would at least like some sort of support, which a diagnosis could enable you to receive. Though if your mother doesn't believe you actually have a problem, this may not work. She needs to understand how much this means to you. Would she understand that you have a problem if someone else spoke to her about it?
Good luck.

You should continue to try to educate your mother. She'll come around eventually.

And Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP!

I was in a similar situation with my mom about a year and half ago, when I first learned about Asperger's. My mom's always been a big proponent of accepting differences - which is a good thing, of course. Her patience and support have been invaluable. But she was maybe a little too accepting of my "different social style", which involved being completely friendless, and my "quirkiness", which included compulsive dishwashing. She believed that I was simply a unique person and that differences shouldn't be pathologized. Eventually she realized that Asperger's or not, I had some real problems with social skills and sensory issues, as well as anxiety and depression. Now she's not only accepted my Asperger's, but she believes she has Asperger's too. Which is probably correct, as I've listened to many, many lectures over the years on the advantages and disadvantages of various types of seams in knitted sweaters.

If you can't convince her that you have Asperger's, or that Asperger's is a real disorder, then you need to emphasize the problems you have. Show her that, regardless of what she believes about AS, you have some real social difficulties that are impacting your life, and some serious problems with math. Eventually she may come to realize that a diagnosis isn't just slapping a label on someone. Some people's brains are wired differently, which can be both beneficial and problematic. It's important to understand why you struggle with the things you struggle with, so that you can accept these things.

Well. My mom won't believe me either. I told her about 2½ months ago, she just laughed it off and did not take it seriously at all. I explained everything to her and she still just kind of mocked me.

"You're too social" Yeah, because :

A) A girl who sits locked up in her room all days without talking to anyone is very sociable!
B) There is noo possibily in the world that Aspies could be social
[/sarcasm]

Then she started crying later that night and blamed me and I just "it's probably nothing" because I can't stand people crying. Since then, I have not mentioned it. And I don't like how she talks about stuff she knows nothing about.

"So what if you always sit in front of the computer? Lots of teenagers do. Does that make all of them Aspies?"

She does believe my brother is an Aspie. "Well in that case, he's got more than you" "He acts weird, you don't."
It's like she doesn't understand at all. Boys and girls does not always display their symptomes in the same way!

I don't know what to do. It feels like everything I do will make her mad/sad/mock me (once again).

I am having the same problem. I tried to bring it up to my mother a few weeks ago and she blamed her parenting, or lack of, and said that she feels that I would be different had I been raised by a different father, who in my opinion is an aspie himself or has some disorder I have not pin pointed yet. She compared me to my 8yr old male cousin who has AS and said I do not act like him. Of course I dont, hes an 8 yr old boy. So what I should have told her was... mom you are not an NT nor an aspie nor anything else, you act like no one of this world and only share few similarities. Really though, aspies are all individuals.

I dont know how the school system is in America (assuming you live there) but if you're school has a counsellor you could meet with him and tell him that you have trouble being with people. You could suggest Aspergers and he may give you a test found online. If you scored high, he may call your mom and explain to her that e thinks you have it and from there he may arrange a meeting with a therapist or Autism specialist to get you a diagnosis (that's how I got mine [although he suggested Aspergers, not me as I had never heard of it]). Even getting the counsellor to contact your mom would surely get her to take it more seriously and at the same time get you closer to a diagnosis.

Thank you all for your posts. They have been helpful on the whole. And I have indeed taken the "Aspie Quiz".

Your Aspie score: 167 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 27 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

I'm fifteen, and I've been researching a possible reason for my oddities, and I have a simular situation with my mother.
Except, I'm also moderately deaf and she claims that any issue I have must be related to that, but I fit in with the AS criterion and can dispute "If you had been socialised in a signing environment, you wouldn't have those issues," because I did go to such a school and I still had the same issues. Her other arguement is that I'm 'too inteligent' (this explains my various obsessions which have come and gone over the years), and I couldn't work out which point to say next, so she ended the conversation.

She's perfectly happy to whine about my lack of social skills, odd habits, lack of empathy/tact, ect. and yet as soon as I present her with a possible reasoning, she goes on the defensive.

I have the trouble with the phone calls, too. I never know what to say (even when I can hear them), and I now have a phobia of pressing the 'call' button.

or you could use the name the guy who discovered wanted to call people with AS, autistic sociopaths. anyone else see why that name didn't quite make it, explains a lot about all the dead bodies in my basement though jk lmfao

Hi! I'm seventeen too and am going through something similar too. I took the Autism Spectrum Quotient test on Facebook and scored a 35 which puts me in Asperger's range. I looked it up, found that it fit me, and one of my friends also told me that she's suspected I've had Asperger's for a long time. I told my mom that I think I might have Asperger's, and she of course said "don't be so silly, you're perfectly normal," mostly, I think, because as a parent she wants to believe her child is perfect and imperfection might make her feel failed as a parent. However, I can understand where your and my moms are coming from.

For one thing, self-diagnosis isn't very credible. Personal bias can make people see things there that aren't necessarily there and we lose objectivity. Sometimes seeing a list of symptoms and picking out the ones that fit you is similar to reading a horoscope in the newspaper and believing it fits you, logically knowing that one out of twelve people can't be having the exact same trials and triumphs in their day. You might be counting the hits and ignoring the misses. So since you're the only one trying to diagnose yourself I would be hesitant to jump to conclusions (not saying that you aren't hesitant to jump to conclusions, but in case you are, that's what I think). It can't hurt to research it further, though.

And yes, if you're serious about this, do seek a professional evaluation or whatever it is they do.

I doctor told my mom I have it and she still doesn’t fully believe I have it. She thinks I put the idea in his head because I wanted to be like Sheldon Cooper.