Very major college problems...

Post Reply New Topic

I'm relatively new here. I've been around for awhile, just reading. I'm trying to start posting now! So, hello!

Anyway, on to the topic at hand...
I've been attending college off and on since 2006. I'm going to school for illustration -- I've wanted to be an illustrator my entire life, even before I knew the name for it. (I would just say that I wanted to draw forever, even when I was grown up.)

I've been diagnosed with different mood and anxiety disorders throughout the years. I went through a lot, like most everyone here. This year I've finally discovered that I'm AS -- I have no official diagnosis yet, but several good opinions and one off-the-record professional opinion.
I have a really hard time with executive functioning, and I'm extremely hypersensitive.

So, college. I started blindly, with no pre-planning and no help. I never received college counseling in high school. My parents never talked to me about college, except making sure I knew that I had to go to college after high school. There were no college savings, and after high school in 2004, I wasn't yet 18 and had to move with my family from Texas to California. I had no idea what schools were in that area. Basically, I was 100% unprepared and honestly... I barely had an idea of what college actually was.

I found the college I thought I wanted to go to (Academy of Art University in San Francisco). It took me an entire year, with no help and actually... a lot of getting yelled at for being stupid, to figure out how to apply, enroll, and get financial aid. FINANCIAL AID. This school is $20k a year. That meant nothing to me -- all I could see was that I wanted an illustration degree, and I wanted it from this school.

I can't even go into the problems I've had since I started school. I thought I had bipolar disorder at this point. I had trouble keeping up with assignments that I WANTED TO COMPLETE. I couldn't keep up with registering in time for the next semester while still attending classes and preparing financial aid for the next semester. I had no co-signer after awhile and got loans with huge interest rates. I eventually have had to drop from a bachelor's degree to an associate's while attending part-time, because I can't get enough financial aid for a bachelor's and can't get enough financial aid to take full-time classes. Now that I know I'm AS it's come as a relief mostly, but I don't know what this means for me because I realise all the problems I've had are going to continue. I don't think this because I'm pessimistic, just being realistic. I'm not suddenly going to be able to organize my thoughts more easily and make sense of the financial and school system I've put myself into.

I am now at a point where I'm not even sure I can finish my degree, both financially and mentally. Mostly financially, but it is the money and the complete lack of sense it makes to me that is causing most of my mental stress. Sometimes I can understand what I've gotten myself into, but mostly I just see this big, empty black space where my original goal used to be.

I don't know what to do. Once I stop attending, or graduate, all of those loans I took out will be in repayment. I've just moved back in with my parents (while still attending once a week in the city, and one class online). I moved back because I'm unable to work anymore. I kept having repeated shutdowns at work (even though I liked the job and it wasn't too stressful compared to many jobs). I don't know how I would ever pay back these loans. I can't even work enough to minimally support myself. I've tried to multiple times over the last five years.

I really want this degree, but a complete lack of guidance and foresight have made everything into this huge, expensive mess that I feel is going to ruin the rest of my life and I'll never have a way to pay it back. I keep having nightmares that I'll work in a job I hate for the rest of my life, having meltdowns and panic attacks every day, just so I can pay the bills for the loans for a degree I wanted so badly and will never get to use because I couldn't even complete it. This wouldn't just be a simple failure for me that I could come back out of easily. It would literally be the failure of my dream since I was three years old, and a loan trap I don't think I'd be able to get out of.

I'm not sure what I'm even looking for by posting it here. I don't know if I just wanted to say it, or want advice, or... or something. I have no one to tell that will listen and actually hear me, though.

I guess... ...has anyone else gotten stuck in a terrible financial situation related to school? How to other people get to school in the first place, anyway? I'm sure a lot of people know a lot more than me about all of this. Thanks for reading.

I have a huge loan too. I'm very "stressed out" all the time. Maybe just stay part time until you have a solid successful routine then ease into full time.

Hello. You have pretty much written my life at the moment/ the last few years.

It seems like there was a huge amount of pressure from your parents to go to college. This is not a bad thing as it shows they want the best but this sort of thing can put a HUGE strain on people. I myself had a simular pressure.

I have been studying science at college but, sadly today, have had to drop out. I cannot live the way that the/a course needs me to be and it has put a huge strain on me. I was also thinking that after 5 years of studies I would have a huge, interest gaining loan, to repay and I would be forced into work that I might not be able to keep.

I started college last year but with zero planning or help I had to stop the course as it was not possible to do. This year I started again but there were many mess ups and it took some people 3 months to send a letter saying I had AS but it was already too late as I had been overwhelmed and stressed out by doubting lecturers.

The first year was a financial mess but the second was alright but it was just the pressure and the classroom environment that has stopped me and the uncertain future.

I think once you get a diagnosis things will be clearer and easier. How are you parents reacting to your problems?

Hi, sounds like you're in a though situation.

You say your financial problems don't make sense to you and that it stresses you. Have you thought of maybe having someone take a look at it for you. And preferable guide you for a couple of years. There are some people who just have a hard time with financial matters, like a sort of dyscalculia. Perhaps if you got a counselor or just someone you trust to do it for you. It seems you have to do some though decisions anyway at this point, but it sounds like you need someone to sort this out with you.

MrCarbohydrate: There was a lot of pressure for the idea of college and to be successful... a lot of people get this pressure, but once you've started college and have trouble no matter how hard you try, the pressure becomes more because of all the expectations. :\

I'm sorry you had to drop out of college. I had a semester that sounds a little like what you're describing. I ended up dropping the classes early and taking a semester off. It put my loans in deferment for 6 months, so I could take the time off. But because of it, I can't take a break again because I will receive bills for my loans if I take a break again. Did you take out loans for the first year that you attended? If you don't mind my asking what state are those loans in right now??

I think a diagnosis will be really helpful, yes. Not only for me, but for people around me so I can explain things I have problems with a lot more clearly and in less words. My parents are supportive in many ways, but they fall short where I really need help. I'm very lucky because I'll always have somewhere to live and something to eat as long as my parents are around. They've made it clear that I'm always, always welcome back home, even at ninety or a hundred years old (if they're still around). They've easily accepted my explanation that I am AS, but I don't think they actually understand what it is and don't want to listen or read. Just today, my mom was telling me that her friend can help me get a job as a flight attendant. I guess I can only rely on them for so much, lol.


Yasmine: That's a really good idea, thanks so much for the suggestion... I always get so stressed and overwhelmed that I just do the first thing that comes to mind (which is often to give up). It's so simple and I hadn't even considered it! Although I don't think they have AS support, my school might have someone who would be willing to help me plan my school-related finances. They'd probably even be able to help figure out how far I can really get in school and get financial aid for. I'm bad at asking for help, but if I force myself to step forward for at least this desperate situation, I know my school can be very helpful. I'm going to work on this right now, actually. Thank you.

That's great! Happy I could help. Let us know if it works out!

Getting a degree and working as an illustrator are not the same thing even thought they certainly can be related. So, here is what you have here ...

A dream to work as an illustrator has been hijacked by a great-sounding promise that a degree can be affordable and can guarantee success.

Seek advice as has been suggested, but be very cautious there! Anyone connected to "the system" is most likely going to just try to keep you moving along into even more of the mess you already have: Mere promise and great debt.

Anecdote: My older daughter did just as you have done with student loans in order to get a BA, and she eventually ended up with a very nice salary at the AMA in Chicago ... and now all these several years later, she is still dealing with those student loans and bill collectors while raising three children (and with yet another one now on the way) while working as a helper in the field of midwifery and doing some related freelance work in her original field of journalism.

My personal advice: Get completely out of that system even though it already owns you. Find freelance work and tell the bill collectors to stand in line and that you will get back to them if you are ever able.

Thanks a lot for the advice.

Although I was upset during my original post and might have been a little dramatic in my "wants", I do realise the difference between a degree and having a skill. Your pointing it out brought it back into perspective for me, so thanks. I guess I am getting upset because if I finish where I'm at, I have not learned what I wanted to learn. If I continue with the classes that I know I would take in a BFA (bachelor of fine art) degree, I will finally be in the classes that teach what I really want to learn. Although the school system itself makes no sense to me, what the classes themselves offer does... there are some AMAZING, wonderful, friendly and extremely talented teachers at this school that I have had for foundations. They teach many of the advanced classes for a BFA and -- well -- where I'm at, it's like running a marathon and when you can finally see the finish line on the horizon, you're forced to quit.

The finish line for me isn't really the degree. It's what I know I will learn while earning the degree. I've learned so much already at this school that I'd say it's worth the debt if I can just finish learning.


Yeah, I'm going to do my best to be careful seeking help. I've already contacted someone I'm pretty sure I can trust and that I've been able to count on in the past. He's always been professional and efficient, and never pushed me into anything (he's actually talked me out of doing a few things that SAVED me from paying money to the school, and were good decisions all around). So I'm going to try to work with him, a la Yasmine's advice. :]

Even though the loans are still there, I think it's really good that your daughter finds time for what she originally studied. If you can't do what you love, then what do you do?!

I think yours is good advice, and I might start considering... not that exactly, but a similar idea-- maybe I can see what aid I can get to continue taking classes, but only take classes I want, and stop worrying about fulfilling the guidelines of a degree. After all, it's art, and my portfolio will get be a job, not a piece of paper saying I'm an artist! C:

Thank you guys so much, it has really been helping me to get your good advice and discuss this. I can think about it more clearly this way.

If your loans are not private loans (eg. if they are through a bank and not a private lender like Sallie Mae) you will probably continue to qualify for Financial Hardship deferments. This is what I am doing with my Citibank owned loan at the moment and I have a deferment for a year. Contact your lender and ask them about it.

If you have private loans (like Sallie Mae, which I also have on top of my gov't subsidized loans), you can always call them and tell them you literally cannot afford to pay your loans at the rate they are requesting. If you continue to insist that you have no income and are unable to pay the amount they are demanding from you, they will often be happy to accept any amount you can pay them. I've gotten my amount reduced from $175 a month to $60 a month and it's been a huge stress relief.

The more you keep in contact with your lender, the better. Do not let these loans go to collections without contacting your lenders. You can also contact a debt management agency and they may be able to consolidate your loans and give you a reduced payment.

Good luck, I hope this helps. Pretty much everyone I know has been going through some BS with private lenders who make enormous profits from loaning to people who are not sure what they are getting themselves into.

If you can, schedule an appointment with someone from the financial aid office. Hopefully they'll be able to map out a plan and help you continue your studies. If you're a CA resident, you should look into the Cal Grants and Pell Grants (federal aid) if you qualify for them (more info here: www.fafsa.ed.gov) .