College and relationships

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I am a 26-year-old college student majoring in geology. I am also single. This creates a conflict.

I currently live in Houston, Texas. But because of my career choice, I am applying to schools in places where I can get better experience (basically any southern or western state). I have already been accepted to the University of Hawaii.

Here's where the part about being single comes in: because of my experience with Claudia (my first girlfriend, who was NT and very abusive), I have virtually limited my dating life to other Aspies.

Should I plan my career around my quest to find an aspie girlfriend, or should I plan my dating life around my career ambitions?

Tim

You meet one so-called NT who is abusive, so therefore all people you consider are NTs are abusive?

Enigmatic, I don't think that's all he was saying. Indeed, it appears to me that he agrees that such a view is incorrect, and that he is questioning the wisdom of limiting his criteria to aspie females. I agree with your views wholeheartedly, and have often been accused of being an "NT-wannabe" for hating the biased views that are so often evident. Just try not to be militant about it, and save it for the truly biased.
Tim_tex, while many people would suggest that in all likelihood, you will find an aspie partner to be better suited for you, I would urge you not to limit it only to aspie females. You must remember that NT's are no less individuals than Aspies are, and you may well find someone who is not an aspie, who is right for you. It is my opinion that to partner with another autistic, would probably compound any problems that already exist. But to each their own.

Sorry if it seemed that I was attacking you, as it wasn't my intention. I only wanted to pose the question so that you could mull it over and hopefully come to realise the folly in thinking that all non-AS people are capable of abuse whereas AS people are not.

I agree with what Danlo says, and I should also add that you're doing a disservice to yourself if you avoid going after anyone other than Aspies. You're limiting yourself to a very small proportion of the population. Plus, there's a lot you can learn from the people you perceive to be NTs. And those lessons can help you in many aspects of your life, such as in your job and relationships.

As to whether you should focus on your love life or your career, I'd say do what you want. You shouldn't be asking anyone here what your own needs are. I daresay the latter is by far the easiest option, but the former could be far more rewarding. But then again, it depends on what you need and your capacity to fulfill those needs.

However, since there are no single Aspie women in Houston, I will have to move if I ever want to meet anyone.

Tim

Should I plan my career around my quest to find an aspie girlfriend, or should I plan my dating life around my career ambitions?

Tim[/quote]

i think, personally it is about balance, if you meet a really special girl who you have strong feelings for and she feels the same, then make it clear to her you career is very important.
in my opininon your career comes first , but in your spare time you could date.
you could have two seperate goals in life, where you do them at different times.
set a time where you completely focused on work and your spare time to go out and socialise with aspies.
good luck, hope you find the girl of your dreams! while doing really well with your career!!

hollietheflower x

It's said that 1 in 100 people are Aspies. And that the male to female ratio is 4:1. So for every 500 people you meet, there'll be 1 person who'll fit the criteria you've set for your future partner. That doesn't take into account other criteria, of course.

Basically, what I was saying was:

If I meet a girl with AS and she is interested in me, should I plan my education and career around where she lives, regardless of whether or not I really want to live there,

Or should I just go to school where I want to go, and expect an aspie woman to move there, if there are not already such women.

Tim

That depends on your definition of "aspie."

I've found that there are many girls who would never in a thousand years identify themselves as "aspies" or be diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome but still exhibit "aspie tendancies." I highly suspect that this is where the whole skewered male-female ratio comes in. Generally speaking, the female brain is more wired around social networking, while the male brain is more pragmatically oriented. This could theoretically provide some cover for girls who inherit Asperger's genes, but aren't very high up on the autistic spectrum... kind of like a back-up parachute or something. Those are the sorts of girls I am interested in. They are ALL OVER academia (which can be a veritable heaven for A.S. individuals) and usually ripe for the taking. They will appreciate you for who you are and (usually) won't be lame, abusive, and domineering. Look for girls like that; throw off the terminology of "Aspie" vs. "NT" and try to find some kind of balance between the two.

My advice to you is to go where you need to go to achieve the highest degree of perfection in what you do. There is a TON of great geology going on in Hawai'i and a nice tropical climate... so you'd be pretty nuts not to go there (I presume you're talking about grad school?). Just be on the lookout for these "quasi-aspie" girls. Trust me; you'll find them. I mean... if someone was fully NT, would they really want to study rocks for a living?

planning your life/career around a girlfriend you don't even have yet? Not to mention the fact that you are looking for a GF with AS? sorry but this is how it sounds to me...