Asking someone out...hmmm, how?

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AW
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31 Oct 2010, 11:32 pm

People seem to be able to ask other people out so easily, even aspeis, so why can't I?
I've been at a new school the past two years (it's an awesome school), and ever since my first day I've liked this one guy, he's really smart and good looking, but an introvert like me.
How do I get chatting?
I don't want to initially sound like I'm trying to chat him up , or anything, cause it might turn him against me :(
And it might seem that way as I only talk to a couple of guys as it is, so talking to someone new will look suss...
please, some valid suggestions! :D



Gruntre
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01 Nov 2010, 1:06 am

Just start saying hi or hello to him, preferably by name. Almost pretend that you already know him, make him feel at ease. Include him in things, almost as if by accident (like you forgot you didn't know him). I'm Aspie and I'm one of those tall, pretty & enigmatic boys that were always unapproachable and i promise, it works. Doing the 'hot date' thing is too intimidating. It's bizarre but women think they need to use chat up lines or show aggression/hostility as a way of getting a boys attention. I promise all it does is make us feel a little more abused or mistreated. Trust me!



Aspieallien
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01 Nov 2010, 4:06 am

Gruntre wrote:
Just start saying hi or hello to him, preferably by name. Almost pretend that you already know him, make him feel at ease. Include him in things, almost as if by accident (like you forgot you didn't know him). I'm Aspie and I'm one of those tall, pretty & enigmatic boys that were always unapproachable and i promise, it works. Doing the 'hot date' thing is too intimidating. It's bizarre but women think they need to use chat up lines or show aggression/hostility as a way of getting a boys attention. I promise all it does is make us feel a little more abused or mistreated. Trust me!


Hi there AW,
I agree with Gruntre , I think this is the best addvice you could get. Just say hi and see how he responds, then you will get a fair idea if he likes you or not by his response. Keep that up for a while, but don't rush into asking him out yet, build up to that. then in the mean time try to find out if you have any commen interests you both enjoy, this could give you an idea what to do when you go out. If he is an introvert chances are he has some realy cool interests. He may even be on the spectrum too.

Best of luck


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RobC
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01 Nov 2010, 9:04 am

Frankly since im not at all successful in generating interest, meeting and connecting with people my words maybe should be taken with a grain of salt, but why cant people ever be direct? Is there not a way to ask someone you like due to qualities being appealing to you directly but non aggressively, or can only indirect, sly, subtle approaches work. In high school someone said "hi" to me multiple times in the school year and i never understood why since we werent friends she was in her own circle of friends and apart from a couple of classes never interacted at all, if interest was what was behind her hi's then frankly id be pissed cause i wouldnt be able to read that as interest..

Sorry if i slightly derailed this topic with a rant i thought id ask the question...



AW
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01 Nov 2010, 8:34 pm

Thanks so much Aspieallien ( hehe for the well wishes too) and Grunte, and also thanks RobC for a different approach.



Quote:
Frankly since im not at all successful in generating interest, meeting and connecting with people my words maybe should be taken with a grain of salt, but why cant people ever be direct? Is there not a way to ask someone you like due to qualities being appealing to you directly but non aggressively, or can only indirect, sly, subtle approaches work.


Thanks for the input, I wish there was a way it would just work like this, but my interpretation of society outside the spectrum is that doing so you make you seem slightly strange, and not really a future partner... :? Grr, why can't we just be taken as we are ?

So I think, with much thanks to Grunte and Aspieallien that saying a "Hi Adam" ( as is his name) maybe when I pass him heading to the other campus, which I fortunately do, will be a good start!
Thanks for the suggestions, I did honestly have no idea how to go about it!
And from my observations he appears to be the unapproachable sort, but if you know him, he is really lovely. Worth a try..sigh :)
And I appear unapproachable too, I know, but I think I much more out there when you know me...



RobC
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02 Nov 2010, 12:27 am

AW my post was more kinda meant as a whinge than a helpful tip so i wouldnt take my words too much to heart you are right it seems people do prefer the indirect subtle ways of interaction in this case, that doesnt help us in the slightest does it :( Though by unapproachable do you mean that he wouldnt be able to handle well direct approaches without wanting to back away or something else? As a side note, if you being "out there" means handling to me a logical way of interaction rather than these indirect dances NT's like to do ill take out there any day, just saying...



AW
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10 Nov 2010, 8:32 pm

haha ok thank you RobC :lol:
Yes whinges are good, and in some ways helpful :roll: By unapproachable I ment he isn't the sort to ask your name first, and in a group conversation sits back and listens like me, it's hard for me to make the first move!