A friend being a flake

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I recently threw a Halloween Party and I had invited one guy who I now consider a casual friend. He told me that he could not make it due to having mass that night but he could come visit earlier during the day. However, I never heard from him all week until the night before my gathering when he called me and wished me a happy belated birthday and a Happy Halloween. He was at another friend's party and when he had told me this and also mentioned once again that he could not come over because he was busy all day and that he was doing a bunch of things with his family and then having mass. I then confirmed with him about hanging out with me during the afternoon and he replied by saying, "Did I say that? I didn't mark it in my calendar, I must have forgot. I can't because I am busy." I also really feel that he has been saying things that he doesn't mean and then letting me down. Finally, I feel like he has been disconnected from me friendwise.

Does it sound like he is uninterested in hanging out?

It depends on the person and how well you know them. I have one long-term friend who I know to expect to not make meetings or be horribly late if she does make them because I know she is always over-scheduling herself. It is not that she isn't friendly towards me, its just a personality trait she has. However, for most NTs its a sign they don't want to be around you enough to make you a priority, meaning you aren't a friend but an associate that they have if they don't have something else to do.

Anyone who is a very close friend has been AS or spectrum because they know that I don't always keep up communications the same way but that it doesn't mean I'm ignoring them like all the NT friends I've had assume.

If he's AS then I'd think its just a new obsession for the time being. I have that fault if I make new friends I tend to ignore everyone else for a while until the newness of the new people dies down for me. It may seem like a lot of work to see you (one person) when this group appears to be giving tons of new "friends" all at the same time, whether or not they are really good friends.

I can't say for sure, but that might be part of the issue.

Well, your options are to write off this person and go find your own friends then or just wait around hoping that they end up figuring out that you are worth their time. I highly recommend the first since there is no telling when or if this person will get a clue about the situation.

Don't take it personally, he's on the spectrum.

In your position I would firstly ask him if we are ok. Then I would ask him if he's ok. If it's yes to both...drop it and do other things. When he seeks you out again at least you'll know it's genuine and not under duress.

I like to come and go from friendships without pressure.

My closest friends understand this and don't expect me to behave in any other way except in a "me" kind of way. I don't put typical "friend" pressure on them either.

The rest are just friends in passing and I prefer it that way.

He is on the spectrum but he is trying to play the role of an NT and therefore talks down to me all the time and it's just disgusting.

If your friend is an Aspie, then you should be able to bluntly discuss this issue with him and tell him that his NT-style flakiness is pissing you off. Tell him that if he doesn't wanna hang around you, then he should just forthright tell you so, so it'll save time.

If he refuses to accommodate to your needs, then I say you should gradually drift apart from him. You don't need to be treated like crap by other people, whether they're Aspie or NT.