Can you manipuate people?

Post Reply New Topic

I often see us Aspies complain about how NTs manipulate people, but I don't see why more of us don't just learn to do it themselves.

Since we're good at noticing details and analysing things, it should be pretty easy to look at how NTs react to things and work out from that how to manipulate them.

At least, that's what I've been doing anyway. If other people use each other and become successful because of it, why can't we do the same?

I don't see why some of us have problems with it, I've seen people say it isn't nice and stuff, but who cares? NTs do it to each other all the time, they clearly don't care.

Discuss.

Yes, I can manipulate people. I ask somebody to do something, and if they do it, then I've manipulated them.

Oh, you mean subtle manipulation? No.

Manipulation requires a sophisticated understanding of social relationships and other people's motivations, as well as understanding the unspoken hierarchies of social groups, all of them things that I know I'm particularly bad at.

I don't think I would want to be a manipulative person even if I knew how to do it. At least my integrity is one thing I can hold onto.

Yeah, if I want my brother to do something I'll just flatter him like "my lovely little darling brother, can you get me..." or bribe him with my computer, when really it was all a lie mwahahahha. But I don't really manipulate my friends, I don't think, or do I? I don't know.

I have no desire to manipulate people. I wanted to burn the world when I was being f****d over by people, why would i do it to anyone?

If you mean lie and make other people believe someting thats completely stupid: yes!
Just to make some fun for a little moment.
If you mean to play a role for the person I speak to, instead of being myself: yes!
Its so funny
If you mean to hypnotize somebody: no! hehe (I whish but impossible)
If you mean anything that has a mean purpose, or could cause a person to feel uncomfortable: NO!

I think the social intelligence required for this by far exceeds the capability of aspies.
If they could simply look at how people react and use that they wouldn't have all these social issues.

There's the obvious "manipulating" that practically everybody does - such as statements and questions that indirectly hint something else - and then there's subtile manipulating that the manipulated person is unaware of.

The former is something that an Aspie might be able to learn, depending on the impairment, the latter should be pretty impossible for an aspie, unless his obsession is psychology.

Yeah I can be 'manipulative'. I try to pull the levers around me so I get candy rather than tigers. Someone said to me once that I always get what I want. I'm not sure about that, but there's maybe something in it.

Manipulating people ultimately requires charisma and guile... I have neither. Not to mention I hate being manipulated so I don't think I'd want to try and manipulate someone else since I think it contains some evil within its act. Again I couldn't manipulate someone even if I wanted to unless it was someone who was close to me and trusted me... and then why the hell would I want to do that to them? I don't care if other people do mean things... it doesn't mean that I want to

@dreamwalker: I think you underestimate aspies. You dont really have to be "social intelligent" to say something stupid, (maybe a stupid answer to a stupid question) and make other people believe something thats funny.

Anyway I think the expression "social intelligence" isnt a quality of NTs, because I dont think NTs are understanding me very good in a social situation, and because Im aware that Im different, Im studying NTs and off course I dont understand them perfectly eighter; but I understand them more than they understand me.
I know some aspies who can analyze the social situation very well and whom it is very comfortable to hang out with.

Manipulating requires ability to empathise/read mind which NTs show at the age of 3 and we don't even know that others have mind and they make opinion about other people. We do not understand things from other's point of view. We cannot attributes mental states to other people. Therefore our social age is below 3, seriously. Now it is every one's guess whether we can manipulate or not Please see the topic "Development of lying" in this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie

Last edited by daspie on 06 Nov 2010, 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

..."mind read" hahahahahhaha ..."attribute mental states to other people" hahahahhahaha (tears in my face, Im dying)

I know you didn't aim this at me... but I'm getting confused at what you are trying to say. Manipulation can simply be the act of making someone believe something stupid I guess... although there is still wordplay in doing so. Also I think... although I'm not sure if I'm right... the people here might be referring to manipulation as a means to get things you want in an outcome from others... not simply getting someone to believe something false because that just falls under successful lying. I guess I'm just curious as to what you're talking about since you don't seem to be very descriptive in your posts.

Also many NTs don't even know what an aspie is so they definitely wont understand us in general and social intelligence I also don't think applies to necessarily understanding the other person but understanding how to communicate properly or know how to adjust to social settings in an appropriate manner and also knowing what is and isn't appropriate to say. Empathy would be a part of it as well I think... which aspies usually have a hard time with if they have any to begin with.

No.

Partly because I suck at it. Partly because I am philosophically opposed to it.

Some of us have problems with manipulation because it is sneaky, devious and in some instances outright wrong. Just because people are capable of doing wrong does not imply they should do wrong.

ruveyn

Wow, I really don't know. At first I said yes, then no, then "what is it to manipulate someone, really?" -- and that's where I got stuck. (This is so typical of me, actually. A strong reaction in one direction, then in the complete opposite, then confusion that just gets more and more confused until I wind up without an opinion at all.) I'm quite sure that I manipulated my ex-wife all the time. I acted in more or less false ways that drew on her love or sympathy or whatever in order to get something I wanted. I'm not sure how "conscious" this was, however. In other words, I'm not confident that I could "trick" the average person in my life into doing something for me. I'm generally really straightforward and tend to get the raw end of most bargains: "I'll do this for you if you can do that for me. Oh, you can't do that for me? No problem, I'll still do this for you..."

I am *very* sure that at work, either I get manipulated all the time or I pay the price for someone else's getting manipulated. There are a number of people at my level of seniority that really seem to enjoy coming in late, leaving early, and not doing much in between. Somehow, they get away with this -- lots of stories about doctors and kids and issues and problems and millions of other things that need attention outside of work. (A few are legitimate / most aren't.) But, the "boss" buys it every time. Still, work needs to get done, so guess who ends up picking it up? Yup, me. Sitting there alone *every* night working, basically doing other people's work. I would complain, but (a) I'm terrible at sticking up for myself; (b) I feel guilty, like I don't have as much to offer (because of AS) but I'm paid the same, etc.; and (c) I'm naturally very paranoid and convinced my world is about to cave in -- might lose job, etc. -- so I don't want to start a tremor that turns into an earthquake. A junior partner (i.e., someone senior to me but not the boss) even straight out asked me the other day, "don't you resent X, who's never here? It looks like you put in twice as many hours as she does..." Perfect opportunity, right? Nope. I say, "Of course not. Why would I? I understand that she's got issues with her nanny and her in-laws and lots of other stuff going on in her life."