should I tell certain people I have aspergers

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I am new to this so dont be too overly critical

Im an undergrad in college and I have gone through my whole life with aspergers and I am now debating whether I should tell certain people about it. I feel like a normal person to myself but I have noticed that I have certain differences with other students. I cant really understand these differences but they seem to create a rift between me and people in my course(although there are people I am friends with outside my course that I see once or twice a week). It is very frustrating sometimes. So I was wondering if I should tell certain friends and acquaitances that I have AS. I reason I have never told people is to avoid been treated like someone 'special' or be looked at with 'pity' .I want to stand on my own two feet without people saying '' Be nicer to that kid he has AS'' .Know what I mean?

Hey, OP....is there a professor or a trusted teaching assistant you might discuss the idea of disclosure with first? Maybe he/she could give you an idea of how your peers may react, or offer advice on how to handle it?

The thing that struck me most about your post is that your Aspieness is causing "rifts" between you and your classmates....so there are going to be consequences whether you disclose your diagnosis or you don't. I guess I'm wondering if you would rather have people assume that these rifts are the result of a personality flaw, or a neurological disorder? I'm not saying one is better than the other, but I think reasonable people would be more understanding and willing to accommodate you if they realize that whatever is at the source of these conflicts is not under your control. But the world is not populated with reasonable people. I don't know - its a big decision.

It did put me in mind of a contractor that just started where I work. This man is in IT, talks softly with a slight speech impediment, is generally quiet and keeps to himself. During the first week or two of his contract, we found ourselves walking down a hallway toward each other, and I nodded politely as we passed. I was kinda surprised when he literally turned his nose up at me - as in, eyes to the ceiling, turned his face away from me. I immediately thought, "Geez, did I do something offensive to this guy to make him react to me that way?" I'd never even spoken to him, so I was pretty sure I couldn't have. He happens to walk by my office regularly, and we've passed in the hallway since then: same reaction every time. While this is a very, very small behavioral oddity, its something people notice. A friend of mine asked about this man yesterday, and commented that he seemed odd because he doesn't make eye contact. When she used the phrase "eye contact" it struck me then that this man could be Aspie. Honestly, the realization that ASD could be the source of his odd hallway etiquette made a difference in my perception of him. I made an off-handed comment about some people having sensitivity to office lighting (I didn't want to speculate about his neural status). So while this man's behavior is still odd, its no longer offputting. The only thing that changed about the situation was being able to view his behavior in a different context.

I told an high school friend that I had Aspergers after he said that he works with Autistic kids on the weekends. We played football a couple weeks ago, and he told me, on his way to the park, he was thinking about how I was in high school and wondered if I was autistic, then shrugged it off because he figured he would have known. (I was only diagnosed in 2007.) He did say I seemed more laid back than in high school when we were playing football...but it seemed he was being extra nice to me when he found out. Before I told him, I'd messaged him asking him if he could give me a ride in town to meet a girl at a bookstore that I've been talking to...he said he was busy working and also had to do college work. After the end of our conversation (when I told him about the Aspergers) he was like "Well man, I'll see what I can do about Saturday. I probably won't be able to make it, but I'll try."

I sent him a message telling him that I don't want special treatment just because he knows I have Aspergers...he assured me that isn't the case. He always knew I was socially awkward, and he said he has social anxiety himself (kind of a quiet guy, but has the social skills) so I at least know he isn't judging me, which can't be said about NT friends in the past.

What I'm getting at is pick and choose who you tell. If you feel the situation warrants it, then tell the person.

This is just one person's opinion, but I would be very, very careful who you tell, if anyone at all, if for no other reason than it's no one's business.

In the five years since I learned of my AS, I've told exactly three people about it, other than family, and it wasn't too long before two of them dumped me. Coincidence? Maybe, but as a consequence I have been extremely reluctant to bring it up to anyone since.

Today, the only people who know are my parents and my kids, plus the one friend who didn't dump me.

My ex-husband sorta knows, but not "officially". That's all. And that's how it will stay.

I'm having the same issue, should I tell people or not? Really I have to decide would I rather people continue to think I'm snobby/stuck up (which unfortunately is what people seem to think of attractive women who have aspergers, especially when I was in school) Or for people to know I have aspergers.
I do stand-up comedy (I get stuck in so many amusing socially awkward situations because of my aspergers, which results in plenty of jokes, even though I don't get 99% of the jokes other comics are saying), and recently I've become more aware of how obvious my Asperginess is due to several other comics refering to me as a robot or alien, which has started to make me consider telling them about my disorder and I've even considered incorporating it into my act (actually saying that I have it, although my mom doesn't want me to ever tell anybody, she thinks it's "embarrassing")...
I do worry about telling people though, I remember when my mom first heard of my diagnosis her reaction was "she's not going to be a serial killer or something like that is she?" Also she started asking me questions about how much I really liked people in our family or if I even loved her or cared what she was talking about (which honestly 99% of what she says is boring to me and I could care less, but I have learned to pretend like I'm listening/caring).
Anyway I've went on several tangents and really haven't answered your question...but I suppose it's good for you to know others are having the same issues.

DO NOT.

You have to be careful with people. When I was first diagnosed, I was way to open about it (not actually realizing the stigma and consequence of open disclosure.) Unless it's someone really close to you like a significant other that you've been with for a while, a trusted best friend, or close family member I wouldn't.

I was told by a counselor that I had trouble socializing simply because I am not open with people and am "hard to get to know." Since ASD is a big part of who I am at the moment, due to being recently diagnosed, I kind of need to be open about it. Obviously, I'm not going to tell everyone, and there's a time and place, but if there's an appropriate moment, I'll disclose in a joking way, or say "I overcame having Asperger's due to being in the military" or something along those lines. Or, "I was a messed up kid with Asperger's, but I joined the military to fix myself, and it worked, mostly." It's true since I don't any longer publicly exhibit many typical autistic behaviors but am still shy.

I was pretty autistic as a child as well. I don't feel like I can really share much at all without including some variation of disclosure. And I was told that I needed to share more, or people weren't going to be interested in talking to someone who doesn't seem human.

So I've told about 4 people in some form of fashion since I was diagnosed. I don't always use the autistic label though. Only one of these was what one might call a real friend. One was a more causal friend whom I wanted to ask for advice about body language. With another, it was casual friend, and we were both drunk at a bar, and she disclosed lots of personal embarrassing stuff too. I think if you want to develop friendships, it's important to be open about things that have affected your life in a fundamental way. It's more how you say it, but you have to say it in some form or fashion.

I don't think it's necessary or appropriate to always do so and it's not appropriate to disclose awkwardly or blurt it out inappropriately.

If anyone has any better suggestions for me or the OP on how to appear human (this doesn't exactly come naturally to me), I'm open to suggestions.

This thread is 3 years old. I'm sure the OP has resolved this issue by now.

Ya gotta tell the person you need. Don't screw around dear friend.

Be very selective about who you tell and why you tell them..I have only told one person at work[they are part of management] and I only did it for a strategic reason.A particular individual was bullying me and I felt because of AS,I didn't have the skills to defend myself so I requested that I not work with that individual.If it wasn't for that predicament I don't think I would have revealed it. There really isn't a need to tell anyone else at work.Generally,I am well liked and am certainly considered eccentric but other than that it's not an issue.

I can say that, for me, I definitely do not need the label, HOWEVER, as an NT, who is very reasonable, whose mother has worked with autistic and AS kids, and treasure many of the qualities of AS, I would very much appreciate knowing. It would help shed more light into my dynamics with the person. It would help me put a brake on my crazy NT expectations (because honestly, some are just crazy!

All joking aside, I've also felt that I'm wired a tad different from my friends. I must have my alone time, I tend not to overreact to certain situations (because I've been through quite a bit in my life), i don't like people who fuss too much, and the list is long...so you see...an "aspie" is perfect for me.

In fact, I've been agonizing over whether I should ask a friend of mine whether he has AS or not. We dated for a while, and have kept in touch for over 1 year now. From what I am reading in these discussion boards, disclosing your AS can be an anxiety-filled experience, so I understand that sometimes it's easier to walk away. I would like to remove this from our friendship, but I'm so afraid that it might push him away, or hurt/offend him, etc.

I know, with a great degree of certainty, that he very much enjoys my company and likes me. I'm still not 100% sure if I should risk the friendship by asking him...

I tell everyone. I'm extremely open about it. And you know what? Most people don't seem to care at all. They're just like "oh, that's cool". I don't think anyone who doesn't have AS really knows what it's like to have it, and just takes it in as another semi-interesting fact about you. Everyone I've told doesn't really believe it, but once I explain myself, just kind of shrugs it off.