Is it always necessary to know you have been labelled AS?

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I have never told my son that he has Asperger's. In fact the only reason I have used that label is as a means to an end. ie to get extra educational support, financial assistance etc. As the system we live in requires 'official diagnosis' for everything.
I think by telling him he has 'Asperger's' he will develop a stigma associated with the label and also feel inferior.
He is now almost 15yrs and I have started to question things. But I still don't think he is ready to be told and I think maybe he never needs to be labelled. He is who he is.
has anyone any light to shed on this dilema

I am a mother of a possible AS son who is 10. I have a friend who I am sure is AS but has never told me .

The teen years are difficult enough and if he perhaps he feels he views things differently then other kids he may wonder why.

If it was me I may want to know why I do not react the same way to things as other kids do.

Understanding that I have AS was one of the most useful things that has ever happened to me.

I voted to tell the child in secondary school years. My parents told me around this time, I don’t think I was old enough to fully understand. Later I got a few books on it and found this really helpful.

Some people view labels very negatively, because they can bring prejudice. I don’t think they have to, I don’t often mention that I have AS to people, but knowing that I have AS has allowed me to learn about it and that understanding has liberated me.

It will always be hard growing up different. But knowing there is a reason why you are different, and that it is nothing to be ashamed of, provides strength.

My guess is that he already knows there's something wrong with him. He might be glad to find out what it's called, and know that there are plenty of other people out there in the same boat going through the same thing.

I don't know when would have been best for me to find out, but I was definitely ready at 15.

If you do tell your son tell him how useful it can be for some jobs. And that is a diffrently wired brain not a disorder. That he can learn with time and some trial and some error how to fake it looking normal some of the time but not needing to do it all the time. Help him find something he likes alot so he can focus on that. Do not lie to him that it will be easy he could be the best at what he does and still not understand how to read humans very well. And he many find out on his own that he has a AS brain be ready for that.

AS does not equal "inferior"... seriously not.

Your son probably has the idea that he has some sort of actual disability, rather than just a different thinking style... If it were me, I'd want to know.

i think it's wrong to have a medical/psychological information about someone and not tell them. that goes for a lot of olther secrets, too (except maybe gossip which is just stupid, but sometimes even a person needs to know what is being gossiped about them, if it could affect them in some way and they need to protect themselves).

PS: i know you did that with good intentions, but my gut-feeling on this issue is that it would be better not to.

I think it's time to start diagnosing the diagnosticians.

Just kidding.

I believe that a child should be told towards the end of their primary school years, because in their secondary school years may be when the social problems start to show. If the social problems begin to show in their primary school years, then I would tell him. I mean, what are you gonna say if he comes to you and asks, "What's wrong? People don't seem to accept me." How he approaches situations could be very troubling for him, especially if they cause frustration. There's positives and negatives to having AS, so just focus on the positives and help him deal with the negatives.

- Ray M -

Yes, but I think it is extremely difficult for anyone to accept AS as anything other than some sort of disease when they are first told about it. Especially a kid. But then again Julia, how a child will receive the message depends on many things. How do you think your child will handle it? Some kids will use AS as an excuse for inexcusable behaviour. Some will accept it while in primary school, and with others it would be best to wait before telling them. Some kids will benefit from not being told at all.

There is a risk that your kid may become apathetic if he's told he has a disorder, as he might think there is no point in trying to develop skills he does not innately have. Then again, there is just as much a risk of him becoming like that if he becomes depressed for not knowing why he is the way he is.

There are positives and negatives to each of the poll choices here and nobody can reason that any one is going to be universally effective.

For the longest time I used to think, "What's wrong with everybody?" It would have been helpful if I had known that I was different from everyone else and why. Personally, I would not have had a problem finding out at an early age. I wish I had. That way I could have had a better understanding of myself and figured out ways to try and mitigate my weaknesses and capitalize on my strengths. If I found out earlier, I would have come to terms with myself much sooner and accepted myself for who I am.

Despite having a very high IQ I got less than stellar grades in school in large part to my A.D.D. In a world where people largely judge your intelligence level based on your grade point average I was made to feel like I was stupid. When I was in college and was evaluated it was a relief to find out I had A.D.D. because it explained so much. It was a relief to find out I had AS.

With Asperger's, I very recently found out that I had it. I'm 31. I would have LOVED to have found out about this at the age of 15. It would have saved 16 years of beating myself up over my problems. When/if you tell him, think of all the positive attributes that his AS gives him and remind him that AS has positive points. It's because of those positive points that I would not change a thing about myself despite having been through a lot of pain.

With that being said, Enigmatic-O brings up some very good points on whether to tell him or not. I would have benefited from finding out, but your son may or may not. You're really going to have to debate the pros and cons with yourself.

I've had two different thoughts about myself, before I was told about my diagnosis, at the age of 15.

The first thing that I've thought, was that I was adopted from a Destitute Cockney Couple who was living in a Shack, in London's East End. I've thought that my Parents were Heart Parents who've selected me and brought me home, to Canada. Why else would I have been obsessed with Union Flags, Routemasters, Black Cabs, Fine Tea Services, The Mothers of Parliament, London Guards, Beefeaters, Bobbies and the shade of Blue that they wear, and The Tower Bridge, my whole life. And why was it, that I've prefered The Kinks and The Who, over the rock video show, "Video Hits"? And how could it be, that I was the Family Member who spoke with an Accent that was part Cockney and part BBC.

I've also thought that I was recieving Special Education services, because I was ret*d and that if I wasn't ret*d, that I wouldn't have been in Special Ed in Elementary School. I've thought that I was being punnished for not reaching half of my Milestones on time. I was also sick of having that extra Help forced upon me, both at Elementary School and when I was doing my Homework. Help that I didn't need, or want. Help that was seen as a Punnishment that I've had to endure, because maybe I was "ret*d" and "ret*ds" had to accept the extra Help, and that's what made the World turn.

I was told about my AS, when I was Fifteen, back in 1989. The thing is that it was before the AS Documents were translated into English, so my condition was known as HFA. My Mom made the mistake of bringning the Movie Character Rain Man, into it. She's also told me that there was one part of my Brain that was Over-Developed and another part of my Brain that was Under-Developed. I was in Denial for a few years, and I've gotten myself into a Drug-Free Hippie Lifestyle, because that what the more Mild-Mannered but Non-Comformist Teens have been, since 1966. Hippies and Flower Children. But my Dreams kept on telling me, that I was too in love with Central London, to truly be a Hippie/Flower Child. I was waiting for Buses, in those Dreams. The sad part, is that I was taking the Dreams with a Grain of Salt, instead of caring enough to learn from them, in order to get my Life back on track, before I'd Graduate from High School. However, it did feel interesting to be the first Hippie in history to be wearing a Cap and Gown.

Than I went back to being the Real Me, within a Year.

When you will know that he begin to know that he have social problems or he is not
happy because he is not able to have activities like others teens, or if he stay at home too much instead of doing interesting things, it will be probably the good time to tell him.

Hello,

When I'll be diagnose AS, I will be happy, It will let my know that It's not my fault,
and that I'm not alone to live that.

I always asked myself why I was different, and why peoples doesn't threat me like I was supposed to.

When people near me will tell bad things about me (in a non friendly way) I will let know them about AS, so they will accept me easier (I hope).

It will be useful for my future work too, in the past I lost 4 jobs, now I'm working at the same place since 1999 and I stay there because if I try to get a better job I will probably lost it after a few weeks ...

bye !

I voted for primary school. I can only speak for my own experience, of course, but being told I had AS was a sort of psychological liberation for me as a teenager. I'd always known I was different from most kids, mostly in terms of things I found myself unable to do, and this gave me an intense feeling that I was "bad" or "weak" or "defective." Knowing that I had a legitimate, recognised condition greatly benfitted my self-esteem. It wasn't a cure-all, certainly, but it helped.

I think anyone who says that a kid should be told about AS simply because it's a psychiatric diagnosis and they have a right to know, is speaking utter nonsense. Telling your child about AS is pointless unless doing so will reap enough benefits to outweigh the cons of a psychiatric label.

Kids do not have a 'right' to knowledge that will lead to a defeatist attitude and overidentification with an arbitrary psychiatric label. They do have a right however, to knowledge that will help them forgive themselves, develop a renewed sense of self-awareness, and adapt and learn. Parents need to use their own discretion and not pay heed to the experiences of others who have or have not been told of their AS by parents.