Pickiness

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I think one common trend on here and with Aspies in general is pickiness. Aspies of both sexes seem to have an all-or-nothing idea of the person they're willing to date, with no middle ground.

I don't know about you, but I personally hate it when a woman doesn't find me unattractive, but thinks she deserves or can do better than me. I was the same way with women, too. I didn't reject any women, but I subconsciously ignored many women because "She doesn't really turn me on at first sight or doesn't seem like the type of woman I'd enter a long term relationship with."

It's not just looks either. Some people on here won't date someone if they don't watch the same tv shows they do or have the same exact taste in music.

If anything, giving someone on that could go either way a chance makes things easier on you. You aren't thinking "This is my dream partner...I can't screw it up" and you're more natural, more likely to attract the person, and more likely to get to the know the person for who they are and find out if you like them.

For those of you who've seen the show Frasier...think of Niles before he told Daphne his feelings and dated her as opposed to after. There was actually an episode about this. Daphne felt she couldn't live up to his image he created in his head of her, and they showed Niles' memories (before dating her) in his head, before he even knew her well. So then he finally sleeps with her, and he tells Frasier "You know what the best part is, it was nothing like I imagined it."

I'm still guilty of seeing certain women and thinking "Wow I could look at her for the rest of my life" but I'm more open to giving other women a chance, knowing that at best, they could unexpectedly turn out to be Mrs. Right, and at worst, she's good company in the meantime and I'm more experienced dating-wise when I do meet someone that I really like.

Personally I wouldn't like it if a guy was as "kind" as to lower his standards to date me.

It's actually the reason I don't accept any dates now. Because I think guys are interested only because they think I'd be an easy target.

I don't mean it like that. I mean a person where there's "some" attraction/interest. Things aren't black and white. There are people you'd likely never be attracted to no matter what, but there are plenty of people if you got to know them, you'd like them, and there'd be sufficient physical attraction, just not whatever standards are in your head.

I'm in no way saying to date an easy target.

I also think a lot of people have standards that aren't congruent with what league they're in (league not only meaning looks, but including lifestyle, similar interests/personalities and so on,) So while they have high standards, they're not being realistic.

I used to be really rather picky, which is absurd because I'd just end up alone and I'd probably struggle enough to get a partner even without the pickiness!

I managed to wittle my list of things down, and really the only things I'd need in a partner are that they have a love of art, are fairly open-minded, are female and are at least moderately kind. Still kinda hard to find someone who loves art though...

Interesting distinction: these standards only apply to people who I'd ask out. If someone asks me out then I'd imagine my standards would drop significantly when considering accepting. Dunno why.

I'm fairly open to whatever.

That's because it's attractive and flattering when someone notices you first as opposed to the other way around. A girl could rank a 6 on "my scale" and if she approached me and was really into me (and not crazy), the fact that I'm somewhat attracted to her would mean more than a girl that's a "10" on my scale who is showing less interest or playing games.

I've thought long and hard what I look for in a woman, the most important thing for me is in her person. Even though I have my physical preferences for light athletic builds (that's it), this ain't gonna work if we can't walk through the same door (Figuratively speaking ) now or on the long run.

Besides, everyone can make themself prettier (very subjective term) with makeup, haircuts, exercise (or not), etc. that is a practically a non-issue.

The person I am looking for someone who has her own opinion, an assertive disposition and a fighting spirit.
Come to think of it, this looks alot like me ... oh, well.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

most everyone has something interesting about them, I am not a guy who needs to yammer about stupid s**t
relationships can go many different ways, to friends to intimate, all sorts
I don't stick a lot of labels on things
though to say I am interested in some "huge long term thing" isn't accurate
I'd say I am really more interested in sex lol
so I should try a club, so far my escapades, well not successful to someone not AS, are good to me and if I am impressed by what I am doing them I am going down the right path

tell me honestly, are you therange?

he already said he was in another thread

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt143480.html

Thanks I didnt see that, he must have a very recognisable posting style as I guessed from just reading this thread.

+1. I would rather be single.

Most of chemistry is really luck. We're also outliers, which means we'll be more picky with everything because it'll be that much more difficult to find someone who energizes us and who we don't have to keep our guard up around.

I'm picky. Not in looks but in personality.

Why would I date someone I'm not attracted to?

I'm suggesting a middle ground...a person that you might not envision as your ideal, but someone who doesn't repulse you and you feel at least "some" attraction toward. I know that with me, I was an all or nothing guy, either the girl drove me insane or there was no attraction at all. I also know that a lot of people on this site stick to standards (unintentional alliteration) that are quite demanding (personality and looks-wise.) I'm not perfect or anywhere close so I don't demand perfection inside or outside...just some attraction, similar short-term goals (for right now as I'm not looking for the last woman I'm ever going to date), easy to talk to, and non-judgmental of social differences.

Whenever there's threads about "Requirements of a partner" most people have a list of 10-15 requirements, a lot of them very silly and not indicative of a person's compatibility or character.