Hi! New, scared lonely confused!

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Hi everyone. I'm Abbey. I was dx'd with PDD-NOS 3 mos. ago. After researching Apergers I have no doubt I am in the middle of the 2. I have had a really tough year, but maybe it was a God-send because otherwise I would not have been diagnosed.

My main areas of dysfunction are social impairment: isolating even though I desperately want friends and dating. On that subject, I don't have a problem really attracting guys-visually at least, the problem is keeping them. I have had very long relationships, but I now believe after researching Asperger's that they also were on the spectrum. I don't do well 'dating'; I have a difficult time 'pretending' to be the perfect little date. I say what's on my mind, even about intimate things. Not in a direct, 'I want you now' way. I mean in an intellectual, social context. Yet, that still sends almost, not all, but almost all men NT or not-guys immediately down a 'one track mind path.' So, if they subscribe to the school of thought: I only want a nice girl who plays hard to get for x amount of weeks, I'm toast. The ironic thing is, I only want to be open and discuss it, it doesn't mean I am saying I want to or will do it immediately-the ACT. I am trying to be polite here. I also divulge waaaaay too much info right off the bat. Doesn't everybody? lol

I have just gone through a break up-he was my security blanket. I believe he was also on the scale. We 'got' each other. I pushed him away last year and he 'replaced' me almost robotically and after we had spent 7 years together, he married a girl after knowing her only 3 mos. I am crushed right now and since I am awful at dating, and I just found out I am on this spectrum, I don't know how to help my self. I can not afford therapy. I was/am so crushed I quit my job-I really lost it and was hospitalized.

If anyone knows of any excellent books that have companion workbooks etc; please,please PM me. I am so depressed, I can't eat, sleep without meds and sometimes even with my Ambien I can't. I do not have 1 friend. That is not an exagegration. Brian, my ex was really my world. I wonder now if he was my obsession? I pulled my self out of (sorry i don't know all of the technical terms yet) obsessing and escaping the pain of reality this week. But now I am feeling the pain again and I have to help my self. This is so embarrassing: I was spending almost 14 hours a day on YT researching conspiracy theories. I feel hopeless, I can fake it-being NT for months sometimes but then I crack who will ever marry me or stay with me? My dad is abusive, no siblings, my sons think I am crazy and are in prep school and since last year won't talk to me-it is crushing-crushing and my mother is deceased. I am literally all alone.

I am seeing a psychiatrist, and on meds. I just can't afford therapy.

Thank you all, and I am so grateful I found this site!! !! !!
Abbey

Welcome to WP,

Pretty heavy situations you are in, atleast two life events and a few concerning problems on the side!

Talk, that's what's the forum is used for .

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

Hi Abbey, I can really relate to what you are going through. It never worked out for me dating men with similar problems. Btw my name is Irene, I am 50, self diagnosed at around age 43, docs got on board and finally dx me at 48.

I got lucky. At age 29, after a failed marriage to a guy with a schiziod personality (thankfully we had no kids), I met a NT in grad school that had a strong sense of commitment and we've been together ever since. We have 2 kids: 20 and 16. They're our glue. We've definitly had our falling outs. Separated once for 7 mos. It's still hard but he's come to accept me. He is my shield. He even Jazzercises with me he's very extroverted so it's crazy we're together especially for 21 years. I don't think i could be with another AS. I really don't see how it would work in the long run
i too have no friends, just acquaintances.

OK, enough about me. Hang in there. It really sucks you can't afford a counselor. My psychiatrist and psychologist work together with me. It's still hard. I am not going to tell you it gets easier. This place really does help, though.

My husband was attractived to me because of my looks which i have kept all these years and he thinks i'm gorgous, which helps

Hang in there! If you want something bad enough you can get it. NT's, i believe (and i don"t want to piss anyone off) are the only way to go. Early in our relationship it helped that we were in the same career. He's a talker too, so it keeps conversation going. He does let me get a word in.

I still have my deep dark times. With me, though, i have my husbands support. I've been super depressed lately and he's done almost all the housework with no complaint. He also just sits with Me and understands when i can't be touched. Btw i had to qiut working 2 years ago and i was only parttime the 18 years before that. That sucks because i loved what i did. I just couldn't deal with the other part of the job anymore

I don't know if this has helped or made things worse. With me, it just helps hearing from others and knowing that i am not alone

Welcome aboard the Wrong Planet, Abbey.

Welcome!

Hi Abbey and welcome to WP I'm sorry to hear you're going through a hard time but I hope that you find some help and solace on here.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hello and welcome to WrongPlanet AbbeyDoll

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Did you talk with your doctor about Aspergers? if you did and he doesn't seem to know much about it then maybe he could suggest one who does. It seems a lot of people get a wrong or partial diagnostic because their doctor is not experienced with AS.

About your sons; maybe they would just need to know more about autism. If you haven't done that already, you could gather some information about Aspergers and HFA, PDD, including videos on youtube where people explain what Autism and/or Aspergers is (there is some great ones by people who have AS themselves, personally I like those much better then the "outsider" point of view of doctors), and then have a good conversation with your sons about it, show them some videos etc, and hopefully it will help them understand.

You will see WP is a great place to discuss and share, and people can give you some good advices, so see you around hopefully

Shadi

Welcome! I recently gave a presentation in Dallas.

A special Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Welcome to WP from a fellow Texan!

Welcome!