Have u experienced this before? Please can u give advice?

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I hope someone can help, maybe from first hand experience...I'm 28, received a diagnosis of AS 4 years a go so relatively late. I have had the associated problems/challenges etc that go hand in hand with AS all my life, and the problems have become harder and harder to mask and cope with as the years go by and the expectations on me become greater i.e. career, earning an income, paying bills etc. I finished uni in 2005 and since then I hopped from one job to another hoping each time would be different and putting pressure on myself to be like everyone else, as back then i didn't understand the cause of my difficulties. After a severe case of depression and anxiety which left me jobless and living back with parents for 8 months, a diagnosis of AS, and an overdose of pills (for which the doctors said there was no one available to help with someone with my needs), I managed to get myself back on track.

6 months a go myself and my partner moved in together and now pay a mortgage/rent (shared ownership scheme), and bills etc. However I am fast spiralling in to the same old problems, as I foolishly think I can cope working full time etc. As a result I am trying my best to work out my limitations in order to remain healthy and in control of the condition, so i have reduced my hours at work to 4 day's a week. this is very hard financially as myself and my partner earn little more than the minimum wage. Although he has prospects in the future to earn more I can not see much hope for me as frustrating as it is and as capable as I am my intelligence and capability just does not translate in the real world of work and so I find myself underpaid and under employed doing manual work stocking shelves etc.

I am currently going through a severe depression again, and just can not function, as my disability is severely effecting my mental health and my ability to function. I am signed off work for 2 weeks at the moment and am looking in to possibility of going down to 16hrs per week work so I can better manage my condition, but I have come back from the Citizens Advice Bureaux which was just awful and highly embarrassing. The lady said point blank i'm not entitled to anything and my disability doesn't really count. She just spent the hour firing mathematical questions at me which I was ill prepared for as I was not told to take this information with me and I really struggle with processing anything verbal, and struggle with discalculia.

Going there and seeking help with benefits was my last resort. I am not happy or comfortable with asking for such help, but I have to come to terms with my limitations and keep healthy for mine and my families sake. I left so upset and I'm distraught, I don't know what to do and can't see any way out of this mess apart from just giving up on life completely. I can't go through with this though because i love my boyfriend so much and he would be devastated, he has been nothing but my guardian angel through everything. I don't want to be this person anymore or put him through seeing me like this anymore. I just wanted help to enable me to continue working a limited week so I can survive and live with my condition...

I'm sorry this is so long but I don't know where to turn

Thank you x

I have not been your exact situation, but I have had intense periods of depression. So much so that I could not work, or care for my children very well. I have been lucky to be married to another Aspie who has also had periods of depression himself. (though luckly not at the same time)

I have been in therapy off and on for the last couple of years. I first saw my last psychiatrist because I was in a state much like you describe. I couldn't figure out what I was doing "wrong." Why my life wasn't turning out like I thought. We talked a lot about how my perception of my life-- my inner experience-- was much different than someone from the outside would see it. Once I came to accept that my experience of the world is just different and always will be, it's been easier to get through the dark periods.

All the advice that I could give would be to make sure you have a good support system--even if that's just your partner and a therapist. And be kind to yourself; you are doing the best you know how at any given moment.