Yes. My brother. I'm still deeply hurt by it. I dont know if I'll ever forgive him for it.
I am not glib--far from it. It can take me a day or two to come back with a clever retort. I am not without a conscience--in fact, I can torture myself with my conscience. I am not manipulative at all, mainly because I completely lack the people skills to play with people's heads, but also becuase I have absolutely no desire to make people do anything they don't want to do.
I have empathy and I care deeply about what's fair and what's right and wrong. I love animals, I've always loved animals. I get deeply upset at the sight of animal being hurt or suffering. Hell, I had to turn off Planet Earth on the Animal Channel last night because they were showing things like polar bears struggling in the melting ice and Emperor penguin chicks lost in a blizzard.
I'm very aloof, but I'm hardly selfish. In fact, I stay aloof because if I'm around people too much, if I let them get close, I feel like I disappear and everything revolves around them. I've had to learn to be selfish and even when I am selfish for good reasons, I can feel a lot of compunction about it. I will be brutally truthful, but at the same time, I just can't find it in me to act out of spite or malice toward another person, even if they make me very angry or hurt me.
I have a high opinion of my intelligence, because of what I know I can do, but it's a far cry from being an unchecked narcissist who bases their self-esteem on the assumption other people are lesser than them. I don't think I'm smarter than others--I just know I'm smart for who I am. Intelligence isn't a competition for me.
There's nothing more that I cherish in a relationship than trust. It's like something sacred to me. If someone trusts me, I feel bound by that and I don't mind because it's like the greatest honor someone can grant me. Likewise, it's the most intimate gift from me to give my trust to someone else, and I'm deeply wounded--even shattered--if that trust is abused.
How can I be a sociopath? Sociopaths are narcissistic, malicious, glib,superficially charming/manipulative, indifferent to the suffering of others, cynical and amoral. I'm the exact opposite of all those things! So what is I'm not emotioanlly expressive and I have a hard time articulating my feelings?
Yet my brother called me a sociopath, Of all people, he should know I'm not one. He said it simply to be hurtful. That is an example of socioapthic behavior. In fact, my brother has a lot of socipathic traits I've come to realize since he said that to me, and now I think he was probably projecting. But going back to feeling shattered if someone abuses my trust--that's why I don't know if i can forgive him. He abused a life-long trust I had in him, just to hurt my feelings, for no reason at all but to make himself feel power over me. I don't feel malice towards him for it, though, just a deeply, aching sorrow that Ii can't trust my own brother.