People telling you you're a sociopath?

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just-lou
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29 Nov 2010, 3:23 am

I was recounting a confusing experience to an NT-but-alternative friend of mine this afternoon.
I was doing a tough physical test at university with a bunch of repeat students who also had a problem with it. It relied on quick twitch reflexes, and my reflexes tend to be slow - whether that's an aspie thing or not I don't know. Anyways, the point is the second time, I finally passed the test, as did many of my compatriots. They told me I passed and I nodded. Then before I knew it, my instructors were hugging me, a classmate from the next booth was hugging me and crying, then my superior was hugging me. I dislike being touched, so this was a bit awkward for me, so I just sort of stood there and cringed. The other women in the class were jumping up and down and squealing and hugging other people. Me, I just stood there, and when they asked me with concern "did you pass?" I just said "yes" because that's the only fact I had.
My friend laughed when I told her and explained the jumping and squealing of the others was jubilation, and I was expected to be jubulent too because I had a problem with the exam the first time, but this time I was able to pass once I'd had some extra practice.
She said I was such a sociopath, the way I behave. Admittedly, I'm a little low on the emotion department, and certainly on the emotional expression department, but I happen to be more comfortable that way - either feeling nothing, and if I do, keeping it to myself. There are many symptoms of sociopathy however that really don't apply to me - the insinuation was that without emotional expression or to some extent emotional feelings at all, you're less-than-human. Sociopathy also has a fairly negative reputation, as I understand it, and equates to a psychological disorder.
Anyone else tend to get compared to a sociopath for our often blank emotional slate?



RomanceAnonimo
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29 Nov 2010, 3:45 am

I have never been told as such but I know that it is thought of me by virtually everyone I know, including family, work and acquaintences.

The one thing that I have been told before by a group of friends I no longer hang out with is that "I was the least favorite friend". This had largely to do with the fact that I wasn't into the same strange social behavior they all were, and that I preferred intelligent conversation to meaningless babble. There was one time too that I expressed how they all were underly concerned with matters of intelligence, and that on occasion it bothered me that when I expressed something that was undisputed fact that they felt their opinion of the matter was more valid, where in reality it was not because one is not entitled to an opinion counter to fact (not that I was the end all be all of some opinion oriented matter, but in regard to actual fact oriented circumstance).

The usage of sociopath in this case is of course a misnomer in any case, because sociopaths are really extreme existentialists, that have major elitist attitudes, are self serving, and feign all manner of emotions to achieve ulterior circumstance (which really in my mind describes a lot of neuro-typical behavior, but that sociopathy is really a far extreme of the circumstance). There have been times where I felt it necessary to explain my lack of social engagement to people, and I typically just say that I display atypical social behavior, or in other words, that I am shy and like to keep to myself!

I too would be very uncomfortable if people tried to hug me in such a circumstance. I have been in similar situations and usually just don't reciprocate the hug. It would be nice to be able to be more verbal in such circumstances, but to do so I am sure would result in even further questioning of social integrity than just acting akward through the circumstance...



JayL
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29 Nov 2010, 5:33 am

that's me.



Keeno
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29 Nov 2010, 5:44 am

Only by people with very extreme viewpoints.



wavefreak58
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29 Nov 2010, 9:11 am

You fell victim to popular myth about sociopathy. A true sociopath does not feel remorse, nor has any belief in right and wrong other than what suits their own needs and desires.

Does your friend know you are autistic?


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Craig28
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29 Nov 2010, 10:57 am

If I get called a Sociopath, I would take it as a compliment. :D



MotownDangerPants
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29 Nov 2010, 6:39 pm

My ex compared me to one once, in an email I wasn't supposed to see to a mutual friend.

It was after we hadn't seen each other for a few years. We were good friends, we just drifted apart. He didn't say that I was menacing or anything, just that I tended to drift from group to group and had trouble keeping friendships.

I confronted him about it because I was hurt and he explained what he meant. He was actually dead-on...he just used a less than desirable word.

I do see the similarities but I know I'm not one, just somewhat disconnected. I don't wish harm on anyone lol, not even my enemies most of the time. I guess I can lose interest in people without really meaning to and it is easy for me to turn my emotions on and off.

IDK...I guess the difference is that I don't want to control people and I'm not any more manipulative than anyone else. I have no interest in any of that.



Mercurial
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30 Nov 2010, 12:56 am

Yes. My brother. I'm still deeply hurt by it. I dont know if I'll ever forgive him for it.

I am not glib--far from it. It can take me a day or two to come back with a clever retort. I am not without a conscience--in fact, I can torture myself with my conscience. I am not manipulative at all, mainly because I completely lack the people skills to play with people's heads, but also becuase I have absolutely no desire to make people do anything they don't want to do.

I have empathy and I care deeply about what's fair and what's right and wrong. I love animals, I've always loved animals. I get deeply upset at the sight of animal being hurt or suffering. Hell, I had to turn off Planet Earth on the Animal Channel last night because they were showing things like polar bears struggling in the melting ice and Emperor penguin chicks lost in a blizzard.

I'm very aloof, but I'm hardly selfish. In fact, I stay aloof because if I'm around people too much, if I let them get close, I feel like I disappear and everything revolves around them. I've had to learn to be selfish and even when I am selfish for good reasons, I can feel a lot of compunction about it. I will be brutally truthful, but at the same time, I just can't find it in me to act out of spite or malice toward another person, even if they make me very angry or hurt me.

I have a high opinion of my intelligence, because of what I know I can do, but it's a far cry from being an unchecked narcissist who bases their self-esteem on the assumption other people are lesser than them. I don't think I'm smarter than others--I just know I'm smart for who I am. Intelligence isn't a competition for me.

There's nothing more that I cherish in a relationship than trust. It's like something sacred to me. If someone trusts me, I feel bound by that and I don't mind because it's like the greatest honor someone can grant me. Likewise, it's the most intimate gift from me to give my trust to someone else, and I'm deeply wounded--even shattered--if that trust is abused.

How can I be a sociopath? Sociopaths are narcissistic, malicious, glib,superficially charming/manipulative, indifferent to the suffering of others, cynical and amoral. I'm the exact opposite of all those things! So what is I'm not emotioanlly expressive and I have a hard time articulating my feelings?

Yet my brother called me a sociopath, Of all people, he should know I'm not one. He said it simply to be hurtful. That is an example of socioapthic behavior. In fact, my brother has a lot of socipathic traits I've come to realize since he said that to me, and now I think he was probably projecting. But going back to feeling shattered if someone abuses my trust--that's why I don't know if i can forgive him. He abused a life-long trust I had in him, just to hurt my feelings, for no reason at all but to make himself feel power over me. I don't feel malice towards him for it, though, just a deeply, aching sorrow that Ii can't trust my own brother.



marshall
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30 Nov 2010, 1:29 am

Don't worry about it. Those people have no idea what a real sociopath is.

I don't always show much emotion in social situations because, well, sometimes I just don't have the energy to pretend that I'm enjoying company when I'm really feeling quite bored. On the inside I have tons of emotion.



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30 Nov 2010, 3:00 am

My father was a sociopath, he spent the last 10 years of his life trying to kill my mother because he wanted out of the marriage but did not want to pay alomony since she was a stay at home mom with a debilitating illness. He rewarded my siblings with money and gifts if they hurt her and always lied to us about her saying that she did not care about us when in fact she was fighting him and her illness to protect her kids.

He could be whatever he needed to be to get what he wanted.

Just because you are emotionally reserved does not mean you lack a moral compass.


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CockneyRebel
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30 Nov 2010, 3:06 am

I've never had that happen to me. I've had the opposite happen. I've been told tat I'm too sensitive. I don't know which of those two things are worse.


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30 Nov 2010, 3:44 am

I have never been called one which is good because I'm not one. I have called other people with aspergers sociopaths because they display sociopathic traits which aspergers people don't share..

for example:

Lying and stealing
Not giving a s**t about imorral acts

No-one has killed anyone yet and lets hope it stays that way.

Cockney Rebel - Aspergers and sociopaths share many traits, lack of empathy, not socialising, etc.
Sociopaths have these traits, but also no moral knowing the difference between right and wrong, they kill people, steal, lie, manipulate and think nothing of it. Trust me it's better to be an aspie.

I think some sociopaths are misdiagnosed as aspergers.



Libelula85
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30 Nov 2010, 6:45 am

just-lou wrote:
People telling you you're a sociopath?


Such talk reminds me of Nazi Germany, where even the
Roma were considered antisocial. We must learn to
recognize the pressure of society.



Craig28
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30 Nov 2010, 6:49 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I think some sociopaths are misdiagnosed as aspergers.


Just like me. I wonder, how can the government explain to the people why its paying a sociopath benefits?



IvyMike
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30 Nov 2010, 11:33 am

Sociopathy is similar to ASD in the sense that neither have much empathy for others. But sociopaths don't stim and have the weird repetitive behaviors if they don't have ASD imo. Some colleges SPECIFICALLY look for grad school candidates with HIGH sociopathy because they're more likely to pay back student loans. Sociopathy has it's benefits, and people with ASD score higher on these tests because they don't have much if any empathy of others (distractions).



Eldanesh
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30 Nov 2010, 11:47 am

Yeah I get that when I don't have my NT mask on