I Want to Break Jaws

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After having spent years of counseling, I have come to embrace the following rules to deal with people, and ask that they abide by, when dealing me, to avoid confusion:

Noitartst's Revised Debating Principles

1. Always answer the question acording to the question.

2. The emotion behind the question never excuses mistreating the question.

3. If you ask hard questions, expect nothing less from others, as per the Golden Rule.

4. Building a compliance ladder of questions is more than acceptable.

5. The question not only has complete power to frame the debate, but also to set the tempo.

6. Stonewalling is the gravest, most disrespectful, most cowardly act commitable.

7. The goal is to scourge anything less than brutal honesty out of your oponent, just as he is to scourge it out of you, and thereby atain the comon ground.

Mindslave's Rules For Debates/Arguments:

1. Never argue with idiots.
2. On the other hand, only idiots argue to begin with.
3. Never debate with idiots.
4. On the other hand, only idiots debate to begin with.
5. Intelligent people do not need to debate because they know how to have a peaceful discussion where ideas are shared instead of crammed down the other person's throat.
6. People that actually know what they are talking about do not need to employ fear to "win" an argument because they can explain to the other person what they mean, and are not afraid of being wrong. People that know what they are talking about are honest with themselves, and so they are able to be honest with others.
7. Insecure/needy people tend to debate because "winning" temporarily cures them of their insecurities about as well as a cigarette calms a chain smoker. They are fearful because that's what ignorance does to people. Fear can manifest itself as anger a lot of the time. Ignorant people lack good communication skills.
8. Everyone messes up sometimes. Idiots sometimes communicate effectively, and intelligent people sometimes have trouble.
9. People that make rules for other people typically break them the most, especially when it comes to social engagement. After all, these rules apply to everyone but them.
10. These rules are for me, and for me alone. If other people agree, great. If they don't, great. Make your own list.

Frankly, I've been traumatized by arguments, and have sought healing by overcoming my fear and self-imposed isolation. Have you ever spent a summer literally howling in the woods, Mindslave? I have, and it's no fun, I assure you, dealing with a rage that's past the pain threshold every waking second. I don't mind you doubt me, but I'll tell you, it ain't easy.

At any rate, here are my expectations for others, and just you judge for yourself, Mindslave if I follow my own ideals. What has enraged me in the past are answers to my questions like the following:

"I think you didn't frame the issue accurately with your question, so I will try to correct for that with my answer."

Just so you know, I think I frame my questions blame well, and if you "adjust," then we won't be having the conversation I thought we were having, and that's innately obnoxious, ain't it?

"I foresee your question leading to a conclusion which is slanted, so I try to correct for this in my answer."

Straight it is--and why isn't it? I love the legal model, because you're only working with what you have. I you have something to contribute, then do so, or else shut up, and duly accept the skewed result, sir, because the train is leaving the station. Hey, if you've only got one side of the story, go ahead and judge what you have, even as you're looking for more data, which, if you can do, is something most professional counselors can't.

"I don't understand the nature of your question- and I happen to need to understand the nature of your question."

If that's all you truly seek, then I'll be more than happy to oblige, provided it ain't stalling.

"I just don't feel like letting you pin me down on an issue... for any number of reasons."

Ah, but asking if-so-then questions is all about pinning, and being pinned, and also getting beaten like a rented mule for your folly should ya deserve it. The whole point, mind you, the whole point, is to attain working conclusions which will adapt and morph over time and experience.

I expect people, when I ask them, "Was he right if he did this?" to not say, "You should forgive," because that's not relevant to my question, and disruptive to dialog. Notice that "if," too. I am not askiing you to agree with me, but rather, if, assuming my narrative right, if you agree with me. Does my logic follow? Does it make sense? Focus on that, will ya? Counselors drove me crazy because thought they would be siding with me, when all I wanted to know was if they agreed with my thinking, which is different than agreeing with me that he did what I accused him off. "If you did this, like he claims, then you're wrong," and "You're wrong," are distinctly different, but counselors can't seem to tell.

Oh, and suppose I ask something provocatively curvaceous:
Q: "How long do you think your cat would survive in the microwave?"

To which you may have concerns which override answering your literal question. You just might quickly extrapolate all kinds of data about the potential situation surrounding your question, responding to the context, rather than the question.

A: "Why in the world are you asking me this?! Where is my cat, and what is wrong with you for thinking about this?"

Well, monsieur, that's probably because I have a reason, and what's wrong with capriciousness, anyhow?

I've thought about these things, because I got sick of being stonewalled by shrinks, and simply detest the one-size-fits-all answers. When your confidence is shot, the last thing one needs is a bunch of bitch-slaps, which is what psychiatry provides, these days. Instead of helping me up, instead they knocked me to the ground, and demanded I fell a certain way, even if I didn't; that was inherently offensive.

Oh, and almost forgot:

Noitartst's Revised Debating Principles

1. Always answer the question acording to the question.

2. The emotion behind the question never excuses mistreating the question.

3. If you ask hard questions, expect nothing less from others, as per the Golden Rule.

4. Building a compliance ladder of questions is more than acceptable.

5. The question not only has complete power to frame the debate, but also to set the tempo.

6. Stonewalling is the gravest, most disrespectful, most cowardly act commitable.

7. The goal is to scourge anything less than brutal honesty out of your oponent, just as he is to scourge it out of you, and thereby atain the comon ground.

A year or two ago I maybe could have debated, but right now I tend to avoid arguements. Anyway who'd listen to a worthless piece of trash of an idiot like me.

Well, you must understand Notartst, most people are idiots. So what you say about framing questions about "Was it right if I did this?" most people are too idiotic to realize that you mean "Do you think it was socially acceptable" instead of "Tell me what to do next time" People are so used to arguing and debating and giving orders that when someone asks a simple question, they just ASSUME that it's going to be an argument or a debate. But that's what happens when you have a nation full of people that over-complicate everything. Finding people that DON"T argue or debate on a consistent basis is about as tough as finding a woman with good looks who cooks and cleans. So after a while of talking with someone like that, it's next to impossible to not start arguing, because it gets old after 5 minutes of you talking to them and them talking at you, and framing pointed questions at you with acceptable answers and not-acceptable answers, and then they get mad if you inquire as to why they would ask a question to which they already know the answer. It makes me want to break jaws too. Heck, it makes everyone want to break jaws. But remember, that's what they want. That's the whole point a lot of times, seeing if you will get really mad and lose your s**t over something really stupid. They want to WIN.

Now, the rules I made are for me, because growing up with a family of idiots, I learned how to navigate the waters of ignorance a long time ago. Typically, I try to avoid my family as much as I can, but that's whats great about friends: You get to choose friends. The good thing about family is that I know all their tricks, so even though stopping them from droning on is impossible, at least I know what's coming next.