I don't think we're the problem.....

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I think it's the so-called normal people who can't communicate. We say what we mean and mean what we say, we send clear messages and expect the messages we receive to be clear.....is that NOT the basic building block of communication. What is with the emphasis on eye contact and body language.....use your words. If they play weird social games and expect us to read their minds and a misunderstanding occurs, how is that NOT their fault. Yet NTs REFUSE to accept personal responsibility. If we mess up, we say "Sorry, that was my fault," because that is the fact of the situation. If they mess up they get all defensive and try to make us out to be the offensive party.

Just had to get that out. Communicating with NTs is simply exhausting.

quite often autistic people will confuse people with atypical body language. this is not to say they are deficient but if something does not fit a normal pattern that people expect it can lead to confusion.

it is frustrating sometimes but i think ultimately communication with language and body language is far more sophisticated and elegant. Most body language is subconscious and impacts on our emotions and feel of a person.

what you say about mind games is really true but it is not what the majority of people do. I think most people will do it sometimes, (even autistics :O ) but are often unaware that their true intentions are shining through. most of the time people will be genuine.

Normal is defined by the majority. NT's who use body language to communicate out number us, oh around 234 to 1 or so.

I'm kind of known in my school or family circles to be literal when it comes to instructions. I believe that people say what they mean, and that they are generally honest, and doing that sort of embarrasses me. I'm sometimes irritated at people for saying something sarcastically or having a different intonation because I think that people are honest people, so I've learned to correct those mistakes and I've learned to lower my trust.


I used to, though, think that I was the problem when I interpreted literally, and I called myself stupid and naive (as I trust people way too much).

If precise verbal communication were the only form available, then you would have a point. But NTs have a range of communicative capabilities that autistics in general lack. Communication is about accurately letting another know what is going on inside of you. A warm, comforting hug might communicate love better than an accurate list of 'let me count the ways'. I can't really do the first. The second doesn't seem to work so well.

I am a lot like you. I also believe that people mean what they say even when they are angry. I take sarcasm seriously sometimes but I have slowly have been able to not take it so literal.

@ Teebst I agree though we do mean what we say and just are honest. It may sometimes get us into trouble but if you apologize like you said its okay.

NTs do get defensive which I think is silly. If you do something to hurt someone else just apologize no matter how dumb the thing you said or did is. It just makes the other person feel better. I admit though I can get defensive at times too but its just because I take sayings and insults so literal that I try and defend myself and say thats not who I am.

I just wish we were understood better.

I'm an autistic person who uses body language to communicate. I just don't use the same body language nonautistic people tend to use. But my body language is readable (to varying degrees) by many autistic people, and most cats, and generally if someone can read mine I can read theirs. Also, I can read some aspects of nonautistic body language, but not the same aspects that nonautistic people can read.

Not only that, but language is so strenuous that I prefer non-language forms of communication like body language and other things. Which is probably how I picked up all this body language. Lots of autistic people (even Temple Grandin) have pointed out that the reason they don't hear tone of voice for instance is because they're only able to either understand the words or the tone but not both. Some autistic people hear the words better than the tone and some other autistic people hear the tone better than the words, and many have some combination (to varying degrees on each) of both (but not at the same time). We're not all the stereotype that's cropped up.

My issue is, it is expected among them that one pay heed to non-verbal communication as much as verbal communication. However in situations where one has an issue with another person and wishes to act in a negative manner towards them, such as in an office environment, where one must be civil and is limited in what they are allowed to say, they will express that hostility non-verbally, yet if this non-verbal hostility is acknowledged by the other person and addressed, the offender will claim no knowledge of it and cite verbal communications in their defense, which everyone knows is BS.

For example, a person may say something such as "Oh, I feel so bad for you, you accidentally stapled your thumb." However they will make a point to use a very obvious tone of sarcasm, which indicates they do not feel bad for you and are happy you stapled your thumb.

When the individual who is subjected to this approaches a superior on the matter, the offending individual can claim "All I said was I felt bad because he stapled his thumb."

And this is usually taken as is. If the individual being subject to this bullying persists and insist the tone indicated otherwise, they themselves are pegged as the one with the issue.

So my question is, how is one to respond to this type of bulling?

A Frenchman in Paris communicates efficiently. Put him in Tirana, he is seriously at a disadvantage.

The NTs I know do seem to communicate well with their own tribe.