my mom killed herself today.

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and i'm feeling kind of rough, obviously. she was suicidal for 10 years, and tried to kill herself at least 13 times. one of the times i had to have arrested off her 15th floor balcony when she was going to jump. she was in and out of institutions over the years, and had ECT (electroshock therapy).

she blames me and her two other daughters, but we were just never equipped to deal with her mental state. we tried to save her so many times and she would not submit to being saved.

she OD'd on prescription meds. she did it on the night after her 43rd wedding anniversary, almost 3 years after her husband died. she was 62.

i might not be around too much over the next few days, or maybe i will be around somewhat as i take comfort in being here. but don't worry about me - i'll always be okay. i don't blame myself, i don't blame my sisters, i don't blame the health care system, i don't blame the shrinks. healing comes from within (with support) and not from the outside, and not everybody can always be helped. we all did what we could to assist her, to the best of our ability.

but i'm sad.

Hey, you have my sympathies. I am still sorry to hear of your loss. I hope she's at peace, now.

I'm so sorry I'm glad you don't blame yourself though, once a person decides to die, there isn't much you can do to stop them. I guess you could take comfort from the fact that she's no longer suffering.

I'm not very good at comforting people but my thoughts are with you.

thanks, both of you. i really appreciate it, actually. just that you came in here and offered your thoughts is quite comforting.

so sorry

God that is awful. So sorry Hyperlexian.

That's terrible for you.

I don't like the whole blaming your kids thing though. That makes it even worse for you and your family. I'm sorry.

So sorry to read this.
I wish you a lot of power for the next days.

I'm very very sorry hyper - I'll think about you and hope you can find some peace soon. Don't forget we're here for you - hugs

Thats terrible Hyperlexian, Im so sad for you.

My father died of alcoholism 10 years ago and I think its an especially painful to have your parent die, and more so that they wanted to and even more painful when there are ambivalent feelings about them, makes it very hard.

My thoughts will be with you and sending you lots of squishy warm hugs.

God! I'm really sorry to hear about this, hope you & your sisters are ok, people always say things they don't mean in these situations - probably some way of ridding some of the massive guilt they feel when depressed.

Take Care Hyperlexian

i am sad for you being in a bad situation

I am really sorry ((((((((((Hyperlexian)))))))) . I hope you are doing some things to take care of yourself and that your family is helping out. I will be thinking of you.

You have my deepest sympathies.