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OK DD dxed HFA at 26 m now 3.8

At her IEP teacher said:

She is 1 year to 1.5 behind in everything execpt gross motor. Her social skills are delayed she says not disordered (not sure if I believe her)

She has behavioral problems that have been called everything from strong willed to ODD by her teacher, and has mild to moderate sensory issues.

Teacher says this profile is a developmental delay and not autism and that Doctor misdiagnosed what do you think?

Schools like to say that doctors did not diagnose autism correctly because YOU would have more of a basis for insisting on accomodations than for some vague developmental delays. I also don't really know about "socail skills" being delayed for a 3.5 yr old. What exactly is meant by that? Mostly autism has some sort of speech delays involved unless there is Aspergers. Can you insist on additional testing by a third party not related to the school (at their expense of course).

My daughter was also considered ODD by one therapist but we thought that was ridiculous because she was mildly MR with severe speech delays. That as far as we were concerned accounted for the "oppositional" behaviors not some new label. So if YOU are confortable with what the doctor diagnosed than I would ask for some other experts besides the ones at the school to "diagnose" your child. Also - you might want to ask where they have a medical degree from before they discount the doctor's diagnosis. They can tell you they don't think the condition has an impact on their learning but I don't know about them trying to change the condition. Doesn't mean they won't try though

A teacher can get into serious trouble for this if you are from the U.S.A. They are not allowed to overrule a doctor. Suggesting you get a second opinion....only if you disagree with the diagnoses. Report this teacher, and get your child away from him/her. FYI, not a bad idea for parents to get a second opinion anyway if you are in doubt. You know your child better than a teacher or doctor does, but that teacher does not have the authority to go over a doctors head.

I think that as soon as your child's teacher starts throwing out diagnoses you've obtained from licensed doctors, and replacing them with their own recomendations, you've got a teacher who will no longer work in the best interests of your child so long as you don't go along with his or her "dx".

With a 3.5 year old child I think it is likely difficult to tell about their social skills, so fortunately when your child was dx'd, a whole lot more than that was taken into account. Apparently this teacher isn't aware of that.

I overheard a couple teachers from my kids school the other day in a clothing store, talking about all the kids they had last year with some kind of dx, adhd, as, hfa, add, etc, and how they hope they don't have nearly as many this year but as long as parents continue to not want to take responsibility for their children's actions, there will be kids with dx's in their classrooms. Gotta' love it.

This is the uphill battle we are fighting.

Oh, I am so pleased this was not said to me because I would have lost my cool then and there!

Yes, I know it would have given her the opportunity to then say that I was a nutcase.

I can just picture her ignorant face.

Well done for holding on to your composure - you must be a very cool cucumber!

If you are planning on keeping your child in this lady's class keep an eye on her and prepare for all the old clichés to come out of her mouth week by week so that you are ready to ignore them!

Thanks so much for all your help!! !! ! I have to admit I was really keyed up, and this weekend her behavior was so outragous that hubby and I and any other family member within earshot got into a roof raising argument about how to deal with her. DH and various other members had to admit they had never seen anything like it. My skin is getting thicker and I no longer hang on every professional's word. I have a dx and I KNOW what it takes to get through the day sometimes and it has nothing to do with a "strong willed" child.

I'm going to the MIND institute in thurs to get my THIRD eval (previous 2 said ASD) Maybe then I will get these people off my back. I have incredible pressure from family to stop spoiling her and spank HARDER!! Like I'm that inept as a parent.

I really feel like people are shooting the messenger at home and all her therapists acts like
clinicians.

Can anyone relate? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

I've been there and I don't want to go back because we are all very happy now and we have a lovely boy (most of the time) who is learning so fast I never thought he would.

("Bad" behaviour in a restaurant) - "all the kid needs is a good smack"
(3 televisions broken in the same week) "You shouldn't let him do that" - as if you let him!

You just have to get the books and start throwing them at all of your relatives - and fast. If your child is going to be around these people they have to change their attitudes fast because it could damage your child and will slow down any progress. If they won't contemplate that then tell them to pull themselves together and do it or it is inappropriate for them to be around you and your child.

At a time when you are trying to deal with this new label which seems to be horrifying, this unnecessary tension is passed on to you and it is sickening and puts you in a position where you are too confused to look after your child, let alone, start doing all the right things like screening out sensory overloads etc...

No wonder the child's behaviour is bl**dy awful. It will be until you are able to move on to the next stage and start doing all of the right things. What your relatives are doing is cruel and selfish for you and your child. It's all very negative and you just don't need it.

In the early days, much against my better judgment, I tried the smacking. Let me tell you that it is like pouring petrol on a barbeque. It is the VERY WORST thing that you can do. It just creates a furious, aggressive, alienated child who is unable to trust the one person who has a chance of connecting and interpreting the world and making them feel safe. It's such a betrayal of trust. (and you can look forward to loads of behavioural problems as a result of smacking and they will cause all sorts of problems ie child being kicked out of pre-school for hitting other child etc)

Connect with your child right now, read the books, follow your intuition about where your child is right now and start to learn not to be pushed about by professionals (the good and the bad) and relatives. Do things your way and don't ever feel bad about that.

Print the post off and show it to them if you want.

If not, tell them that they need to do this so that you can all move on and look forward to some fun and lots of really good days which you never thought you could have once you start making progress. You'll have loads once you start relaxing and doing what you need to do and loving your child the way it needs to be loved and supported.

None of it has to be that hard or awful.

While my husband and I are the only family we have around here (the rest are 2000 miles away, by OUR choice), sometimes WE don't agree on what to do regarding certain behaviors. It's going to happen. It just sounds like you have too many cooks in the soup.

One thing I've found for my son that works (take it or leave it) is consistency. Which is hard to get with multiple parties. He has to get the same answer to the same question every time. The same behavior has to be treated the same way every time.

If you can (I know it is hard) you need to put your foot down with your family. Don't keep second guessing yourself, that's the surest trip to loonytown - take it from someone who's been there!

Trust your instincts, do the best you can - we all make mistakes with our kids, its inevitable.

Why three dx? If the two are agreeing, I can't see the benefit of putting the child through a third exam.

I had taken my son for about 3 or 4 different evaluations too - by different "types" of experts though to see if they would all agree or of this was something else. My son saw 2 different pediatric neurologists, a neuro-psychiatrist, and a child psychiatrist. But the reason we were doing that was because my son regressed and because I had issues also which were not identified as being on the spectrum. When my son was little I was told that I used to do the same things and also things like how my uncle didn't talk until he was like 4 or something. So I guess on the one hand it wasn't "unusual" behaviors for us but times have changed and people know alot more about there even being an autism spectrum. Some of my in-laws on the other hand had the he just needs more discipline attitude and it took awhile for them to realize what autism was. I don't care much for the support groups myself, but it might help if they have one in your area to see if some family members would go with you. It might change their attitude. One group by us even has a special meeting for grandparents so they can discuss things - and sometimes it is just as simple as they have not heard about autism from their generation so they have nothing to compare the behavior too.

Oh - I've gone off at the deep end again.

I should have also said that people around you find it really hard to accept and it takes time. There was a thread about that recently. It takes time for them to accept all the implications of the diagnosis etc (and perhaps their own connection with it). I don't want to be too hard on them for that but hold on to yourself all the same!! !