Do you go quiet during "solemn conversations"?

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What I mean by "solemn conversations" is when the conversation gets to something serious like when someone mentions that someone they know passed away or something.

I tend to go quiet because I'm afraid that anything I say will offend the person at that sensitive moment and I am no good at lighting up people's mood. Like I don't think that cracking up a joke would be appropriate even if I intend to make the person's mood better as it would be a risky move and they might get even sadder.

Yeah. Better to say nothing than say something that offends everybody.

Yes. We don't have the intuition to know how to naturally respond to such news, so we deal with it intellectually, which takes longer.

For me I run most things I say through a checklist, which includes things like: -

Will this upset anyone?
Will this offend anyone?
Will this embarrass me or anyone?
Is this egocentric?
Is this interesting to the other person or just me?
Is it necessary to say this or can it be left unsaid?
etc.

It takes time. And when it comes to big news like if someone passed away, I spend much longer pondering each point on the checklist making absolutely sure I don't screw up.

Yep, that sounds exactly like me.

Yeah, I do, sometimes because I justcant think of anything to say and because I dont want to offend anybody. For a strt no-one close to me has passed away so I can't even comprehend how it must feel, that and I know I might would react to a comment differently to how an NT would. I'd guess that I wouldn't but I honestly doubt that its worth finding out

I used to keep quiet because I couldn't think of anything original to say, but have decided it's better to mutter something formulaic--"I'm so sorry to hear that"--even if it comes off as somewhat trite and insincere. Besides, then you can make an original comment with less risk that it will sound out of place, as you've already met the sorrow requirement.

I go quiet, but I put on a distant expression that qualifies as appropriate.

Yeah. That works. It helps that I am particularly good at distant expressions.

haha! eureka moment . i think i know why we all feel weird saying things like "i'm sorry for your loss", and for some even how are you, etc. it's because most of what we have said as children was scripted. it has become a rule to make everything we say sound as far away from the original script as possible, so as not to be called on it. So when i prepare to say "sorry for your loss"i have to shake out a huge "this has been said before, they already KNOW that line" feeling. that's why i'm uneasy about this, and calling doctors "doctor", and other scripted language that everybdy has used billions of times before.
sorry for generalizing with the "us "before, it just seemed to fit so well....

I might actually say, "I'm so...wow...I can't even say...oh man..."
Being flustered can actually work. It means you've been affected by the solemn news you've been given(and therefore, I'm "human" :/).
I've experienced loss and can empathize, just not articulate it.

I made the mistake once of when someone called me to tell them their mother died, I said something like "I knew it had to be that because you never call me unless something serious happens." Talk about a foot in mouth moment.

This is exactly what I do. Then I look for a way to remove myself.

I usually react as though I know the person, even if I don't...say "I'm sorry" and ask if there's anything to do to help. Being flustered is something I often do too.

I try to make sympathetic noises, but I wont actually say anything.

I don't say anything. I just try to look as sympathetic as possible and I just try to listen to them because everybody needs someone to listen in times like that.

I just ask if I can help the person out. If yes, I do it right away. If no, I leave just as quickly.