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random16
Tufted Titmouse
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17 Dec 2010, 1:51 am

My mum comes into my room and tells me she wants me to meet her friend.

I say ok, walk out there, say hello, shake her hand, "nice to meet you" and all that.

After thats done I stand there and say, "so, how do you and my mum know each other?"

She goes to answer then my sister laughs at me (shes got a superiority complex because of how my mum made sure to tell my family why I wasn't as good as a "normal" person a long time ago) and tells me the answer along with my mum. They're both looking at me awkwardly as if I'd said the most ret*d thing in the world and I THINK that made her friend awkward too. Then my mum says to me, "ok, you're off the hook, you can go now". As if I was begging to leave and am too weird to be in peoples company.

I walked off really angry (obviously I didn't show them that).

I was diagnosed with aspergers at age 4-5. It never applied to me and my doctor agreed so it was removed after I turned 18 although my mum tried to stop me. I go to a university in which nobody knows my background so it's like I have 2 lives, one where I get respect and one where everybody acts like i'm the walking version of apsergers syndrome on wikipedia.

So am I truly that clueless and did something wrong here? I speak in exactly the same way at university and I can make friends easily.

Please tell me if i'm socially ret*d or if it's just my family thinking they're better than me so everything I say will sound stupid to them even if it's something they would say.



Kaliber
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17 Dec 2010, 1:55 am

I don't see anything wrong with what you said buddy, I wouldn't have had the confidence to even ask how they knew each other so kudos for that :)



Scanner
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17 Dec 2010, 2:00 am

Isn't Asperger's a lifelong disorder? It's possible you could have curbed the symptoms over the years to the point where they're not so noticeable, people do that.

You didn't seem to do anything wrong.



jojobean
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17 Dec 2010, 2:01 am

I dont get it...unless that person happens to be a date...maybe there are details of how they got togther that are not kosher. However if it just a friend, your family is just being jerks. That is not unrealonable to ask somone upon meeting them. Pretty basic actually.


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bucephalus
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17 Dec 2010, 2:05 am

So how do they know each other?



Arman_Khodaei
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17 Dec 2010, 2:05 am

My mom is like this sometimes as well. She thinks my behaviors are wrong sometimes just because. You're mom was trying to make something that you were doing seem weird. To be honest, it sounds like you were doing the social norms and didn't do anything wrong. You should congratulate yourself for doing a good job. Parents sometimes don't see how we've grown. It's like they see us through tunnel vision.


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random16
Tufted Titmouse
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17 Dec 2010, 2:05 am

Kaliber wrote:
I don't see anything wrong with what you said buddy, I wouldn't have had the confidence to even ask how they knew each other so kudos for that :)


Exactly what I thought but it's bs like this that made me the least confident person ever when I only had "1 life" before I went to uni.

Would you agree that everything you say even if it's something that person would have said is automatically considered to be a socially ret*d thing to say when they find out that you have aspergers syndrome?

Not everyone does this but the average person will judge you to an extent because of the condition before they know you at all.

I mean the main thing I learnt in my time as an aspie (or at least considered to be one) is to NEVER judge a person by a name.



random16
Tufted Titmouse
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17 Dec 2010, 2:09 am

bucephalus wrote:
So how do they know each other?


My dad and her husband know each other from work. She is my mums friend but I had never met her before today or heard about her.



random16
Tufted Titmouse
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17 Dec 2010, 2:10 am

Arman_Khodaei wrote:
My mom is like this sometimes as well. She thinks my behaviors are wrong sometimes just because. You're mom was trying to make something that you were doing seem weird. To be honest, it sounds like you were doing the social norms and didn't do anything wrong. You should congratulate yourself for doing a good job. Parents sometimes don't see how we've grown. It's like they see us through tunnel vision.


How can I congratulate myself when I walked out of their looking like a complete idiot? Or at least thats what it seems like.



Kaliber
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17 Dec 2010, 2:10 am

Personally I embrace the hatred I get from people and use it to fuel myself towards acheiving my goals so I can turn around and say ''F**k you!'' to them, but thats me.

Uhhhhhhm, hmm, I guess, maybe it's a funny story that is embarrasing to say so they tried to avoid telling you maybe? Who knows! Women man, no-one understands them :lol:



bucephalus
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17 Dec 2010, 2:20 am

random16 wrote:
bucephalus wrote:
So how do they know each other?


My dad and her husband know each other from work. She is my mums friend but I had never met her before today or heard about her.


I honestly don't know then, maybe your mum and your sister thought u were trying to hit on her or something. It's a wild guess. I think i may have the answer (another wild stab). Maybe you were supposed to already know the answer. Maybe for some reason your mum and your sister told their friend that you know who she is and they were looking awkwardly like it was a daft question



random16
Tufted Titmouse
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17 Dec 2010, 2:21 am

Scanner wrote:
Isn't Asperger's a lifelong disorder? It's possible you could have curbed the symptoms over the years to the point where they're not so noticeable, people do that.

You didn't seem to do anything wrong.


The way I was diagnosed was completely ridiculous. The only reason my mum can give me for being diagnosed is I was shy around strangers and, "didn't like to hug her". Well I can't blame my child self for that since he definately has good reason for it. I was really young. As soon as I started school I did a lot better in the making friends department than the average person. The point at which it all went downhill was the point at which my mum told me and my family why I was useless and got my teacher to tell my school why i'm not one of them. My confidence went to nothing and I refused to even have anything to do with people who judged me (which was everyone).

I don't believe I ever had it.

Apparently you guys feel like your diagnosis is a postive thing, well it always felt wrong to me.



random16
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17 Dec 2010, 2:26 am

bucephalus wrote:
random16 wrote:
bucephalus wrote:
So how do they know each other?


My dad and her husband know each other from work. She is my mums friend but I had never met her before today or heard about her.


I honestly don't know then, maybe your mum and your sister thought u were trying to hit on her or something. It's a wild guess. I think i may have the answer (another wild stab). Maybe you were supposed to already know the answer. Maybe for some reason your mum and your sister told their friend that you know who she is and they were looking awkwardly like it was a daft question


But my mum had never told me about her so why would she act like I should know.

I don't think my mum and sister actually even realise i'm attracted to girls yet let alone having sex with them.
Plus shes like 40+ i'm 18 I definately wasn't hitting on her.

It's either what I said was socially ret*d or they're just assuming that everything I say is socially ret*d.



random16
Tufted Titmouse
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17 Dec 2010, 2:30 am

Kaliber wrote:
Personally I embrace the hatred I get from people and use it to fuel myself towards acheiving my goals so I can turn around and say ''F**k you!'' to them, but thats me.

Uhhhhhhm, hmm, I guess, maybe it's a funny story that is embarrasing to say so they tried to avoid telling you maybe? Who knows! Women man, no-one understands them :lol:


I do that as well. I'm not going to go hang out with people who think they're better than me. For most of my life i've sat in my room playing guitar because it's not like i'm going to go socialise with people.



Arman_Khodaei
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17 Dec 2010, 2:50 am

random16 wrote:
Arman_Khodaei wrote:
My mom is like this sometimes as well. She thinks my behaviors are wrong sometimes just because. You're mom was trying to make something that you were doing seem weird. To be honest, it sounds like you were doing the social norms and didn't do anything wrong. You should congratulate yourself for doing a good job. Parents sometimes don't see how we've grown. It's like they see us through tunnel vision.


How can I congratulate myself when I walked out of their looking like a complete idiot? Or at least thats what it seems like.


Yes, you were made to look like a complete fool, but you weren't. So, congratulate yourself for keeping your dignity, doing what was right, and doing what was appropriate for the situation.

And, perhaps you're right. Perhaps, you're not on the autism spectrum, and you're mom has convinced herself that you are. But, this is more like a distorted vision on your mom's behalf. Unable to see you for who you are which is a darn shame.


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Cassia
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17 Dec 2010, 2:57 am

I think that was a perfectly reasonable question to ask based on what you've said of the circumstances. "How do you guys know each other" is a fairly standard question I ask when I'm meeting someone for the first time through a friend or family member (well, I'm more sure I do it with friends, but I'd probably do it with a family member too.)


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