Married and not wanting to be touched, please help us!

Post Reply New Topic

We have been married for 13 1/2 years, have a wonderful marriage but the past couple years, especially this last year, I haven't wanted to be touched. Kissing included. I find that hugging is nice and my kids on my lap are ok but if it's marrital touching (KWIM?) is a HUGE no-no! I have a huge adversion to that and it makes me so sad for my DH and I just can't get past it!

Please tell me what I can do to remedy this!! !!


TIA!

Try having your husband apply deep pressure to you. He can do this by squeezing you really tight or laying on top of you while resting his full weight on you. Whenever I get a good, tight, squeeze, I generally feel more friendly and affectionate. If you're trying to get to marital touching, have him squeeze and release throughout the time you're touching. It helps me.

Um, without getting explicit this makes sense to me. This explains why I like bottom only and hate anything else, KWIM?

I pretty much feel the same way - my son can jump on me and it's allright, but when my husband puts his paws on me it's annoying (lol). As far as what you can do - I don't know. It's not something I have resolved myself except to try and put up with it. Although my reaction usually kind of discourages it. Have you tried any medication or anything like that? When I was taking Xanax before I was alot "friendlier".

Only problem with that is that we are a Holistic family. I was on Zoloft for about 2 years but hated how indifferent it made me. It also killed what little sex drive I had even then. But it seems to have permanently killed it all off for me.

Try letting him have sex with you with him touching as little of your body as possible. Probably there are some positions that are better for this than others (variations of him on top). I go through something similar but I cycle in and out of having a very high sex drive and then not being able to bear the smallest piece of contact, and then back to the high sex drive again. It's totally random and seems to have nothing to do with ovulation or anything like that.

I took Zoloft too for almost 3 years and it was so agitating and mostly it seemed like side effects with no benefits. I gained weight taking it too and as soon as I stopped I lost the weight right away so I know it was the medication. I am not a fan of the SSRI or ADs - but I did notice on the Xanax (which I don't take anymore either) I was actually able to process touch as something enjoyable. So I think that confuses my husband because that stuff fascinated me when I would take a Xanax but off of it touch often feels overwhelming. So, not advocating drug use (lol) but I did notice a difference. Not enough of one to make me want to feel drugged up on Xanax all the time or get addicted to it though.

I sympathize with you. For me, it's not only sensitivity to touch (I hate light touch) but also to sound, light and odors! I have been able to desensitize myself through continual practice! (that makes my husband happy) If I have too long a period without sex it's like starting all over again. I have to use alot of self-talk and fantasy and focus really hard; maybe even a little role-playing, to overcome these difficulties. It is difficult and I hope you find what works best for you.
Good luck!