Is this normal when going to a club?

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Last night, I went out with two guys from a factory where I used to work, their girlfriends, and one other guy, so six people in total. (I was the IT guy, the two guys were mechanics.) I don't hang out with them regularly, more like an occasional once-a-month get together. We usually just meet for lunch on a weekend afternoon (just me and the guys from that job), but last night, it was the first time they invited me on an outing. Things transpired that I was not fond of at all.

First, we went to a chicken wing place. We pigged out on wings, watched sports on TV, and me and the guys played a deer hunting arcade game, while the girls sat at the table and talked. This continued until 12:30am or so. I ended up spending a lot of money, but it was worth it. Mind you, this was the good part. After that, we headed over to a club. I paid the valet fee (first downer of the night), smoked a cigarette, and we headed over to the entrance. Paid a ridiculously high cover charge for the type of club this was (fairly casual), and went inside. I tried to brush it all off the best I could and enjoy the evening, but it was becoming increasingly difficult, as the next paragraph shows.

We sat down at a table and got drinks. Time passed. And passed. I was getting shut out of the conversations from time to time, but it didn't bother me too much. Everyone else knew each other for years, and I hung out with them for the first time, so it was almost normal, so I half-expected it. I was started to get extremely bored. I tried to convince everyone else to go hit the dance floor, but it was a no go. I knew it'd look creepy if I danced alone, so I stayed at the table. And I couldn't say that I was bored, because that's not acceptable in the NT world. I'll give credit to the guy who invited me for buying me a shot in an attempt to make things better, but still, the boredom continued for two hours, until the place closed.

We went back to parking lot. Someone made a comment about me not looking like I had a good time. I didn't say anything in response, lest I make a fool out of myself, because I was very upset. I politely said good night to everyone, and went home. Paying $3 valet and $10 cover, plus more money on the drinks from the bar, and only sit at a table for two hours, was beyond ridiculous for me.

Now I'd like your input on this. What's your take on this situation? The people I hung out with were hardcore NTs, but the night doesn't seem normal at all. After all, why pay valet and high cover, just to sit at a table? For hardcore NTs, that seems devoid of common sense. We could have easily done that at the chicken wing place for no extra fee! Or at least at a bar with a low cover charge. Feel free to contribute, and it'd help to get input from NT members here.

That sounds like a normal thing for NT's to do.

I had a similar situation confront me last night after work. A long time editor at the station had his last day and they were going out to party. Being the new guy I didn't expect to get invited, but I got a text on my work phone around 10:30 from him that said "let's get f****d up"

I passed up on it and made up the excuse that those days were behind me now (they never got to me to begin with...) I got a lot of s**t from everyone for it, but so be it...

But with out saying much more. I can totally relate to your situation. Clubs aren't my thing and I don't ever want to set foot into one. Couldn't they have spent the evening at someones house instead?

I think it is pretty normal. I never understood why people do that sort of thing, but it seems to be common.

So you say it's not normal to spend a lot of money just to sit around in a club and talk while people around you drink and dance? Welcome to NT, enjoy your stay.

You know the saying "People are stupid"? Well, this is Exhibit A.

Yeah, that can happen. NT's like to talk a whole lot. At the after parties I go to people all around me are talking. My friend and I just sat there and talked about time travel.

i swear that we all have nights like that. sometimes u gotta take it on the chin and be happy that at least your mates had a good time.

I struggle to converse in nightclubs full stop - when there's loud music on i can't concentrate at all. I even put myself in for a hearing test in which i passed with flying colours. does anyone else have this problem?

The sitting around talking for two hours I can understand. Socializing is an end unto itself for most people. The paying money to do it in a club, where presumably drinks also cost more, is something I don't get. If they're close enough friends, you might tell them about AS. If not, you might say "crowds bother me". Mild claustrophobia is generally an acceptable reason to give for not enjoying a place like that, and your friends might think of you in the future and choose a lower key environment.

Thanks for the responses so far. I want to make it clear that sitting around and talking in and of itself didn't bother me. The table was in a quiet part of the club, where music didn't get in the way of conversation. Yeah, I was getting shut out from time to time, but I was prepared for it, and dealt with it accordingly, so it wasn't what got to me. The noise level was quite tolerable. I can usually handle loud music in clubs just fine, when I'm getting crazy on the dance floor, or better yet, dancing with a girl.

Like Mindslave and Zur-Darkstar pointed out, it's the fact that it happened in an expensive club that made me question the other people's common sense. After all, we drove for 30 minutes from the chicken wing place, with me following their car, struggling to keep up. Then we paid $3 for valet, $10 more to get in, and spent a lot of money on drinks, and for what? We could have easily done the same thing by staying at the chicken wing place, without the drive, valet parking, cover charge, or the extra cost of drinks. Why go to an expensive club, if you're not going to utilize its full potential? If we just stayed at the chicken wing place and talked there for two hours, I wouldn't have created this thread in the first place.

I must have been the only one who knew that the emperor was buck naked. Everyone else saw him was wearing clothes too fine for the common eye to see. And as I learned the hard way over the years, trying to explain that the emperor is naked rarely helps. So I chose to stay the course and at least try to enjoy the night, only to rant and rave here on WrongPlanet. Anyway, post any additional comments/explanations you can give.

Yes it is normal is many NT circles. It boggles my mind too.

I don't get the club part either, from what you're saying the chicken wings place was pretty cool to start with, with TVs and arcade games, and they didn't want to dance anyway so why go to a club just to do the exact same thing they were already doing.

That is "normal." This is what they do and they surmise it to be fun. If you are not turned on by this behavior, you are the weird one and no amount of sane reasoning will cure it. Other variations include driving to lots of clubs, getting smashed drunk, while the sane Aspie who doesn't drink recalls them having a miserable time and doing things that they would never want others to know about, they still insist it is "fun." My all time favorite evening of this type involved a bartender who laughed at his clients for over-spending on alcohol visiting other bars doing the same thing while being shocked that getting me outside of work didn't produce a more "wild" version of me. I'm pretty much me wherever I go. NTs change like shape shifters depending on the surroundings. I rarely associate with them anymore unless it's family or business related. My husband is another probable Aspie so he and I usually get each other pretty well. Usually. And he doesn't understand the crazy social idiocy that is supposed to be "fun" either.

I wonder if they ever equate this to the high we get from stimming. Be it pacing and talking to yourself to work things out in your head, watching the same movie over and over and over and over (guess my favorite movie for 50 bonus points), etc. These things seem "boring" and pointless to them. And the twain shall never meet in the middle, I guess.

See, while we go along with their boring stuff, how often do they reciprocate? In my record keeping, once or twice at a maximum.

A lot of times people hop from club to club looking for people they know and to see who's there. Ten dollars is pretty high for a club and they can get boring. What's worse is when they are full of second hand smoke. It sounds like a typical night out to me, with all the costs. Parking usually costs anywhere from five to ten bucks if you go to a club without it's own parking lot which just adds to the amount you end up spending. I used to spend a lot of money going to clubs four nights out of the week but it just got old and too expensive.

I feel the same about 95% of social situations. They serve no purpose but people seem to enjoy them. I'm not sure if this is an Aspie thing? I think a lot of people feel this way but just fake each other out and pretend to be enjoying it? I could be wrong. A lot of times I'll be enjoying myself in a park just joking around then someone says to go "out" somewhere for a drink. And it always ends up being boring and a total waste of time and money. It feels like a "forced" unnatural enjoyment and it ends up being boring but people still talk as if they had a great time last night, etc. Meanwhile, it was boring as hell or if in a noisy environment, even painful.