Hi everyone. My son will be 3 soon and I am hoping to get some opinions on his behaviour. Based on your experience, what would you say? Obviously Aspergers? Maybe Aspergers? Or probably NT? And why? I adore him in every way and am not worried that there is something "wrong" with him. I just want to get an idea of whether it would be worth looking into support, as I strongly suspect he has it, and people with Aspergers do face difficulties. But then, I may be looking too much into it, and would appreciate a bit of perspective if I am. Thanks so much for reading this! I know it is long but it is hard to give others a clear picture without going into detail.
I think a lot of the following behaviours in Jack may not be noticable at daycare in part because he may not express his feelings to his carers as much as he does to me. For example, if something at daycare changed slightly, it would bother him a lot but he'd keep quiet about it. He doesn't tend to let on things like that to other people from what I've seen and rather turns unresponsive. Currently he attends daycare only one day per week.
Large vocabulary from age 1 yet did not say "Mama" in context until almost 2 years of age. Coming up to 3 years and he still does not say any form of "I love you" despite hearing it frequently and despite good language skills and talking a lot. From researching I feel that this is uncommon and significant.
Strong preferance for relationships/interaction with adults or older children over relationships/interaction with peers.
-When discussing daycare, Jack always mentions his adult carers and rarely mentions the children.
-Several carers have reported Jack is their particular "little helper".
-Jack does play with other kids sometimes and though he has some difficulties interacting with them, I believe because of his age he is not expected to have good social skills so this is not much of a problem or even very noticable at this stage. I need more information about how Jack interacts with kids his own age at daycare and whether there are any differences with Jackand the the way the other kids interact, however as I said these differences are likely not noticable at this point due to Jack's age.
Lines up cars and other toys precisely and "overreacts" if someone interferes with the lines.
Most of his play is solitary and involves mechanical aspects, eg repeatedly completing and taking apart puzzles and other toys, manipulating the working parts of things, or looking through books for extended periods esp. considering age level. He does have other kinds of play but this is predominant.
-Starting from when Jack was in the babies room at daycare, several carers have remarked upon his tendancy to sit quietly by himself and read for extended periods considering age level. I am often told his favourite things to do at daycare are puzzles, sand play and reading. Puzzles and "sandpit" are what Jack tells me he does at daycare, as well as drawing though that tends to be given as a set response.
-I don't have a complete picture of how Jack plays and interacts at daycare and need to investigate this.
Sometimes when I pick Jack up from daycare, before he sees me, he is still and staring blankly. Sometimes he is playing solitary and intensely. Sometimes he is having fun with other kids.
Jack rarely acts out emotionally or has outbursts, but rather becomes unresponsive when overwhelmed or overstimulated.
If things are not precisely how he expected when we arrive at daycare (or anywhere else), Jack becomes unresponsive.
Jack does not enjoy being touched unless it is on his own terms. He often shrugs me off and/or says "don't touch me" (I have coached him to say don't touch me please as he previously would screech and writhe and he does his best but sometimes still reacts extremely). I try to ask him first before touching him and he usually says no. At first I thought this was a normal toddler phase to stir me up but now I recognise it as sensory issues. He does enjoy physical affection but can easily suffer sensory overload. He will come to me for cuddles and sometimes accepts cuddles. With people other than me, he usually is too shy to tell them not to touch him but I notice his discomfort when this happens. He sometimes will subtly shrug them off or ask them to put him down politely. Sometimes he will react by becoming unresponsive, or sometimes he will just put up with it awkwardly. Often he does genuinely enjoy physical affection, he just needs to feel he is in control.
-I notice sensory issues increase when Jack eats food with artificial additives. For example after eating a small cupcake with high amounts of food colouring in the icing, it took him three days to get back to normal.
Jack has set responses to many things and a set list of phrases he commonly uses. For example, we have a ritual at the end of the day before bed when we talk. Every single time, without fail, Jack says he went to daycare, whether or not this is true. He still tells me Rachel, a carer, was at daycare every time even though she left months ago. Whenever I ask him what he did at daycare when I pick him up, he always says drawing as he thinks that is the correct answer whether or not he did drawing. I need to lead him in order to get any other information. When people ask him what he had for dinner he always uses the set response "pasta" no matter what he just ate. There are many examples of these and no matter how much I explain these things to him, he does not understand and only uses set responses. Of course this is not noticable unless you spend large amounts of time with him.
Jack will give eye contact in passing but almost never gives eye contact during conversation. He generally cannot sustain conversation.
I coach Jack a lot on things like greetings, waving, how to respond to certain things, how people may be feeling, how to say how he is feeling, and eye contact. I believe this helps in his areas of difficulty, and makes his difficulties less noticable. He still usually does not say hello, opting instead to be unresponsive. I thought at first this way a shy phase but in context I feel it is significant.
When Jack does imaginative play, sometimes it seems like he's reading from the same script as the last few times. Other times it doesn't.
I have noticed when someone tries to teach something to Jack in a friendly but slightly intense way, he may become unresponsive.
-Neighbour teaching him to catch a ball.
-Another neighbour teaching to blow bubbles.
Jack is extremely particular. Everything has to be done just so. He has to have certain things in certain places. He just has to. He wants to eat the same things in the same ways. He does not handle it well if you want to, for example, start keeping the pencils in a different jar. If his routine is disturbed in the slightest way he has a lot of trouble adjusting. If I do something once, I am then expected to do it every time thereafter. This applies to the smallest of things. I've learned to approach change very gently with him, even if it is minor, and to talk about it plenty.
-Displays perfectionism in activities.
Jack notices everything. If you remove one book from the two hundred+ on his shelf, he will notice right away. If you move a tiny thing in the house he will notice right away. If you add a tiny thing he will notice right away. Etc etc.
Takes things literally.
-If I say put this in your room he puts it just inside the doorway even if he knows exactly where it goes and would usually be very particular about putting it in its assigned place. He does want to do things right and tries hard, but I need to be specific when I ask him to do things.
-He hates being teased playfully.
-Not only does he not let anyone call him by any name other than his own ("NOT little man! I'm Jack Michael!"), but he often has the same response if anyone says that he is gorgeous, clever, tired etc: "I'm NOT tired, I'm Jack Michael!" (His middle name is important to him but he accepts being called just Jack too.) He seems to sometimes think people are making a mistake by calling him tired as he is obviously Jack Michael, even though he knows what tired means. This is extremely cute, but telling.
For some reason he is intensely interested in alphabet letters, although I'm not sure if that's relevant. He is obsessive about his interests but that can also be a common preschooler thing. He is interested in a lot of things.
Jack generally needs to be warned about small changes, for example, if I am reading on the couch and about to get up to get a drink, I find it best to say "Mummy needs a drink now" and then move, because it can be overwhelming for him if I don't.
He touches some things ritually for no logical reason, eg, he always has to touch each curtain just before he hops into bed at night. God help anyone who tries to stop him doing his rituals.
Jack is easily overstimulated.
-He cannot sleep for hours after watching TV and his behaviour is radically different after TV.
-Often becomes unresponsive in high-stimulation environments.
-Sensitive to light and noise.
-He is often fine interacting one-on-one but even one other person in the mix can be too much for Jack and he often becomes unresponsive unless he is very familiar with the situation and people (even still it takes him time to warm up and it can sometimes be too much for him).
He has excellent memory and thinking skills.
Sleep problems. This is because he is so sensitive to internal and external stimulation. I have honestly never heard of a baby who slept anywhere near as badly as Jack did as a baby. I know that all babies have sleep troubles but Jack was an extreme case. He still is a light sleeper and finds it hard to fall asleep, and it takes him a long time. It actually takes him longer if I try to help him fall asleep because he is so stimulated by my presence, no matter how gentle I am careful to make that presence. He frequently skips naps even though he desperately needs them, even when he tries to fall asleep, then falls apart with fatigue later on.
He almost never cried as a baby. In the first ten weeks he literally had two or three crying sessions, no more. He does cry now but he has had precisely two tantrums that I am aware of and he is almost 3.
Thank you for your opinion.
20 Dec 2010, 2:56 am
). So I'm not sure how worried I would be before age 3 about not interacting that much with other kids.
