Sisters new "friend"

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Hello. So here is the story. My sister is 28 and im 25 we both live with our parents.

My sister has a new guy friend who at first I liked till I got to know his history. He used to be into drugs and he got kicked out of the military for doing drugs. He has been married twice has a kid with his first wife and his last wife died from a drug overdose. About a year ago he worked a 14 hour day then went to the bar to hang with his friends then he fell asleep at the wheel and almost killed himself (by the way he was in a work truck and he could have easily killed someone else). He has been in surgerys and theropy for the last year and now he cannot bend his left leg and can barly walk. He has had 2 teeth knocked out from a bar fight something Im assuming he gets in alot of. My sister drives him around alot and he comes over here and drinks (we have a small bar in the basement) and they sit in the hot tub together.

Now like I said I liked him at first but the more I got to know him and the more I found out I started to hate him now I hate him more than any of her other guy "friends" and its bugging me.

What really pisses me off about this whole situation is how nice everyone his to him just because he was badly hurt THATS THE ONLY REASON MY MOM LIKES HIM.. In my option also I think thats why my sister likes him, they both like projects to work on.

Side note in high school my sister had a bunch of loser friends who stole from us and stole my wallet 3 times and my parents had to lock up the liqure down stares because they would drink it (15 - 17) year olds. My point being is that they have tried to fix people before and it has burned them and me.

But back to Blake my sisters friend. My mom and sister love him because he is nice and what they do not understand is that people lie, something I pride myself on is that lie ALOT less than most people. I have to pretend to like him when hes around and I do not like doing that. Also my nerotypical fiance and nerotypical best friend also do not like the guy. My dad has never had an option about any of our friends and my sisters "friends".

My mom says people change and I agree but people who have been on heavy drugs from what I have seen rarely kick the habit for good and I dont want my sister to get mixed up in that crap. I agree people change but at what point has someone made big enough mistakes to where you cant say there is no hope for them. I MEAN IF I HAVE FOLLOWED THE RULES WHY CAN HE BREAK THEM AND BE TREATED THE SAME AS ME?

also I have been correct about lots of other people in my sisters life that I could tell were bad so im a good judge of character my mom has even said so

Sorry for the long post but this is creating a huge rift in my family with me and I was not sure what information people would need to be able to help.

I know you are concerned but your sister is 28 and she is old enough to judge someone's character at her age. It's up to her if she wants to remain friends with him or not so if I were you I would stay out of it, but watch out for her from afar. If you find out he is still into drugs I would bring it up, but if he hasn't done anything than you have nothing to go off of except his past. So I would leave it alone if I were you because at her age she is more than capable of choosing her own friends whether you like them or not.

She knows how to pick them, doesn't she? Just be glad that you have enough intelligence to pick the right friends for yourself and let your sister learn from her mistakes.

thanks im trying to stay out of it i just hate seeing her get used hes coming over tonight for our family Christmas dinner i might ask him in front of the whole family what his intentions are with my sister

If you're going to 'vet' him, I recommend you at least do it in private where you won't embarrass yourself. And don't be surprised if he tells you to go f- yourself.



Luke 15:11-32

People can change, and if this guy should at least be given a chance to prove he's turned over a new leaf. That means not holding his past against him, outwardly at least.

By all means, be wary if you like, and fair play to you for looking out for your sister, but at the end of the day, it's not your business who she dates and since your mum & sister like him, they may just resent your efforts to protect her.

Mcrakin you're being too judgmental. Everyone deserves at least one opportunity to change; and your sister is her own person and can date whoever she wants to.

You have no business doing that. Your just going to embarrass your sister and cause problems for yourself.

your sister is 28, she is old enough to make her own decisions/mistakes. Not to sound harsh but its none of your business with the guy shes dating-its her life.

I may be a huge hypocrit telling you this but you're suggesting you know this guy because you knew the behavior of some of your sisters friends.

I know this is very typical of me.. I judge people and sometimes judge them harshly based on my own morals, but this is your sisters relationship, not yours. People have flaws and we sometimes must acknowledge that people are flawed and let them go. If he's trying to change, let him try to change.

He's not abusive, he's not a liar, he's been honest with a LESS than appealing past, that takes a lot of courage. There are guys that lie about who they've been with, who deny their kids, who make themselves seem sweet and innocent. But the fact that he came clean about this, suggests that your mom is right and that he is trying to change.

For the record - I never did what I said I was going to do in that post.

It seems I'm still learning. Things have gotten a lot worse. After reading your postes you all make since. For some reason I cant shake this feeling in my gut that hes a bad person. BUT im going to bury that very deep and be better. I'v invited him to come out with me and my fiance to a bar type restraunt BW3.

I really feel like all I have learned and my basic programming in my head is incorrect. I thought what people did mattered but from what I have seen as long as you are nice you can do whatever you want to to anyone. Even typing that it sounds wrong but Im going to have to add that and change who I am to better fit into this nerotypical world that I have been placed in as if its some kind of cruel joke by God.

Regardless Im going to give him a chance and basically follow what ever the rest of my family does. If he screwed all of us and they forgive him I will forgive him too as long as they like him I will have the same opinion.

Forgive me for what I am going to do I am going to abandon who I am to better fit into this doomed world we all live in.