How to behave

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First of all. it will take me a long time to get to the point, but please read through.

I doubt this is unusual for most of the people on here, but I'm going to ask for suggestions on how to correct it in the hopes of getting some good ideas.

I'm occasionally invited over to people's houses as one of several guests (all college age, mind you).

I enjoy having something to do and being able to get out of the house. That said, it seems like I am always the quiet one who is with people, but not really a part of a group.

I'll give you three situations that have come up (two in the past, one will be later tonight).

1. I was invited to watch a big football game. There are a few roomates plus maybe 10 other people. I know the majority of the people there. After the initial meet and greet and what's new in your life (which really hadn't changed since I saw the person the day before), I just watched the game. I talked to people every once in a while, but I felt like most of the time, I didn't have anything to say or when I did others were talking and I couldn't interject during a pause because then someone else would start talking. Occasionally, when would start to talk and someone else would start talking one person would listen to me and tell me to continue my story. But I felt like it was out of pity. Later during the game one of the people that I was next to said he hoped 'our team' would win. I told him I was a fan of the other team and he said "That's why you've been so quiet." It kind of gave me an excuse, but I felt bad because even though he didn't say anything until then, he was thinking the whole time "Why is he so quiet"

2. I was invited to watch a movie at someone else's house. When I arrived, there were already two guests present. They were making cookies. I knew one of the guests from a class, but not well. The other I hadn't met before. I felt out of place for most of the night. They didn't really need me to help with cooking so I just sat at the breakfast bar quietly. I really didn't know what to say unless they asked me a question. I felt extremely awkward. Later, more people arrived. I knew most of them, but they spent a lot more people talking to the others than me. Not sure why. Maybe because of past experiences where I'm the quiet one.

3. Tonight, supposed to be a movie night again. This time at a third house. I expect it to be a setup like the first situation. Several roomates plus guests when I arrive.

My trouble isn't getting invited (which I am fortunate that I have gotten that far), but what to do once I'm there. I don't want to be that quiet person who is sitting off to the side (which sometimes, though not always, ends up happening because people want to sit next to their closer friends) and doesn't know how to interact with others.

Suggestions please.

This reminds me of a text Stephen King wrote as foreword in the Dark Tower series.
It went something like this:
When you are younger you better act bigger then your pants are because how are you able to fit in those pants when you grow up when you stay the same size?

The point was that acting bigger then you are gives room to grow, same with the credo
"fake it 'til you make it".

So do as you think is right, adjust it until it works, when you get a working base get your opinion across.

Not doing anything attract much more attention.
Suggestions for talks are weather, news, local events, girls, common interests, previous conversation topics, etc.

Depending on the habits people have while watching movies, it could be anything from background filling for conversations, commenting the movie while watching and/or intensely watching the film.
Remember these activities are more of a social event then just watching a movie/football match - Doing something together and having some fun.

Have fun!

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

Boy, do I wish I knew. Takes me back to college just reading it.

I've been trying the fake it approach for a while now. It helps some but I need more.

I have had this problem many times, completely different places but otherwise the same problem of wanting to fit in and be a part of the crowd but knowing all the time that you have nothing or very little in common.

I think one reason is that i am always of the belief that i only speak if i am spoken to (if i make the first move i always feel cold and looked upon as being rude).

So although i always remain polite and well mannered people assume i am ignorant becuase i dont speak but i think its being polite by not butting in and again only speaking when spoken to.

I have often found that in social situations, like the small social club near me, that i am near one or two people that i know yet it is those people (2 or 3 people) actualy engaged in conversation while i am standing to the side "with them" but not actaully saying anything.

Small situations like hagning out with collage friends and being invited over to watch a game or movie is totally alian to me as this is something that never happens.

But i have found that eating, drinking, coughing, sneazing, yawning, stretching your arms or casual facial expressions with a person your confortable with is pretty much the only way to pass the time.........

How this can be looked upon as enjoyable is beyond me but so is most things that these people do ! !

Hope this is of some use.

In my experience, speaking unless spoken to makes people wonder why I'm so quiet (see scenario 1 in the original post).

Doing nothing but coughing, sneezing, eating, drinking and yawning is exactly what I'm trying to avoid because people don't respond to that.

I think that is why when I meet people I'm so easy to overlook.

Dare to take risks, maybe calculated risks are more for you, but risks non the less.

Another famous proverb: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.

You need to do something before something else can happen or you are dependend on what others present to you.

Just make mistakes, have a few successess - and no matter what happens keep laughing.
s**t happens, Glory happens, Life happens.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

Specifics are more helpful than broader more ambigious statments.

Please don't take that the wrong way and please keep commenting but maybe specifics of what you would have done in each of those situations would be more useful than a proverb.

I would have done the following:

I don't really have it on big crowds so I always 'come out swinging' so to say, greet everyone (wave or give hands/kiss cheeks). Answered the guy who asked me how it's going with a short answer <(I'm fine/I'm cool/It's alright)> and ask in return how he's doing <(and you?/you?)>.
Take a drink <(soda/beer/cola)>, comment the game, cheer/howl, talk a bit on the side about the match on technicalities with one of those people who's into football (big chance), blabber a talk along another (big chance several conversations running alongside each other, just keep conversating).


Same tactics, greeting/introduce myself the guests baking the cookies <(Smells great/What are you two baking?)>, start a conversation about a general topics/baking experiences, get a drink somewhere, greet known incoming guests and ask how they are doing when you know them and aquaint with unknown/barely known guests.



I'd come a little later then expected (5 minutes later), meet/greet the organiser(s), greet fellow movie viewers, comment on the movie when it's the habit, make a wity remarks about the movie having something rediculous.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

I wish I had some advice... the first college party I went to, there was a book on the coffee table about Albert Einstein and I picked it up and started reading. Drunk kids all around me asking why I was reading at a party. I guess my advice blend in don't be like me and just read while everyone else socializes.

Keep the posts coming guys

How did it work out?

Getting people to keep the posts going?

I type keep the posts coming to dead topics that I still need answers to so it will go up higher in the discussion forum instead of getting buried never to be seen again?

Or were you talking about the event?

about the event actually

Awkward. I knew a few people (all males) and they were more worried about the girls than about me.

When I left and tried to say bye, I didn't really know how to respond when they expressed their joy that I was there. I said I enjoyed being there, but they kept saying, really, we had fun etc. I was ready for the conversation to be over and they weren't. Therefore, my facial expressions made things more awkward.

Suggestions?

More worried? What did the girls do and what did you do specifically? Sounds like something dangerous...
If you actually meant 'had more attention', I think I can understand that - always on the hunt.

Suggestion: Leave a short silence and if they say nothing something like 'See you later'.
I guess something made them think that you had something more to say, be it their interpretation and/or your suggestive body language.

If you now for certain it's you facial expressions, what's stopping you?

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes