paranoid about my eye contact

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At first (as a child) I made too little eye contact (i.e. hardly any). Then when I learned that eye contact was expected I made eye contact that was too intense i.e. I just stared at people while I was talking/listening to them and didn't look away. Then I read that this was a common mistake made by aspies, so I tried looking at people, on and off, throughout the conversation, i.e. I kept looking away, at the person, away, at the person, in rapid succession during the conversation. This did not last long: I was actually told this was creepy, weird etc. by certain people, so then I read that people (this was referring to NT's) make eye contact when "emphasizing a point”, "communicating intent", "acknowledging mutual understanding" etc.,, apparently there are specific times during a conversation when one should look at the person with whom one is conversing! Now I have been trying to look at ppl when I am emphasizing a point in a conversation, but this is SO distracting that I cannot concentrate on the conversation. Even when I try not to think about my eye contact and just not worry and enjoy a conversation, it is a nagging thought in the back of my mind. I think I've become quite paranoid that I am not making the "right kind" of eye contact.

Any similar experiences with modulating your own eye contact or attempting to? Any suggestions?

Well, I have had similar experiences. When I try to maintain eye contact, I start stuttering and stammering and lose my train of thought. So I then look away as I cogitate, and the NTs seem to find this acceptable; it apparently indicates that I am "searching" for my words. Using a hand motion (suching as tapping a surface or waving slightly) seems to enfore this idea, so I recommend it.

Example:

"Yes, I read the report and I thought . . .oh . . ." (break eye contact and look in a comfortable direction). "Just a sec-" (Tap a hard surface repeatedly, or wave your hand in a reserved motion) . . . . . . "That [insert full thought here]."

Works for me.

I've sort of given up on eye contact.

I went from to little to too much to something in between, but just as artificial. Now I just concentrate on what I'm trying to say and if the eye contact is missing so be it. Most of the rhythms of eye contact are culturally specific anyway, Americans are pretty big on it. There are other cultures where it is considered rude. And some where it is even sinful if it is a women looking at a man.

I pretty much gave up on eye contact too. I can concentrate better when I'm looking off into the distance or whatever and thinking. It's so aloof but whatever.

I used to never make eye contact, but I got over that in high school. It's really not that scary for me now.

I've found it's helpful to just look at the person's nose if you find you are having trouble looking them in the eyes. It should make them at lease think you are looking at their eyes.