My Son's First Day of Pre-K - Today

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My son started his first day of preschool today. It has been absolutely gut-wrenching and scary for me. He is going to an ordinary preschool with a class of twenty -two other four and five year old children, none of which are on the autism spectrum. He has only been at school for about three hours, and I have been crying for a good portion of that time. When I walked Nathan to his class, I gave him a kiss and showed him where to put his backpack and hang his jacket. Then I walked out the door and heard him crying "Mommy, Mommy!" Then I saw him throw himself on the floor and start having a fit. About an hour into the day, the school psychologist called me and said that Nathan had been kicking, biting and pulling the teacher's hair, and said it was urgent that I bring in his diagnosis and any other evaluation information I have so the school can get him services immediately. I am going to find all that paperwork tonight and get it in to the school tomorrow morning.

Anyway, after that call, I started crying even more. Not because of his behavior, I expect that, but because I could only imagine the reason he was acting out was because he was scared and confused. I don't ever want my son to be scared or think that Mommy left him with a bunch of strangers. It was heartbreaking to hear that. Two hours later, the Preschool teacher gave me a call and said that Nathan had been doing much better. She said he was happy and playing and had just had snack. She also told me about some problem behaviors she has already noticed three hours into class: Nathan not leaving his shoes on, refusing to stay seated, not wanting to do group activities, going to the restroom in the class and flushing the toilet repeatedly. None of this is new to me. I have seen it all before.

One of my big concerns was how the other kids perceived him. I didn't want him to feel unwelcome or excluded, or for the kids to think he is weird and ignore him. The teacher said she has told the other kids that Nathan is not used to being at school and asked them to help him out. She also said that Nathan "talks" to the kids, but it's not typical conversation (of course). A kid will probably say "hey, do you want to play with this toy" to which he might respond something like "hey Nathan, sit down" or something else completely irrelevant. He talks, but he doesn't know how to use effective conversation. The teacher also said that the kids run to her every time Nathan does something he isn't supposed to, like when he takes off his shoes. She said she is going to talk to the other children about not reporting back everything they see him do.

The teacher said that one thing the kids see as "weird" and ask "why he does it it" is the hand flapping. She said he does it a lot (again, no shock) and the kids just don't understand it. I'm hoping that the other kids will accept him and be his friend. The thought of him being ostracized or bullied is almost more than I can take. Well, he is now about half way through the school day right now. I'm hoping the rest of the day goes well and that he is happy. I want this to work out for him and I want him to get the services he needs. I just want my boy to be happy and successful in school.

Oh, Mom,,,,, I know this is tough, but you are doing the right thing. It is very hard to leave our children in the care of others, and I know your heart is breaking. But, I think in time, it will get better. This was his first day, and even typical kids have trouble being left. Just keep giving him as much love as you can, and just praise him for going to school and how proud you are of him and what a big boy he is. Once he begins to trust the teachers it will be better.

My experience was a little different, because I started my son in a special needs class that had teachers that were trained in dealing with his behaviors. But I also did send him 2 days a week to a regular pre-k class just so that he
could see what typical behavior was supposed to be. As long as the teachers are able to work with him and the kids can model typical behavior without picking on him, then it will probably be helpful to him. I think when the kids are younger, they are not as "mean", they just need a little help understanding that some children are different. Hopefully, at least one or two of the children will take him under their wing. My son also flapped and shook his head and made noises sometimes. I never got any reports of him being bullied, I think the kids may have just ignored him. He sort of just clung to the teachers.

My son did do okay at the regular preschool 2 days a week. He was able to follow the routine and sing with the kids and eat with them, but in 2 yrs, he was never able to really play with other kids. He just has a real difficulty with play (even on his own) ., I went ahead and just put him in special needs kindergarten through the public school this year because I felt that they could address his needs better. Of course, my goal is to try and get him into a mainstream classroom as possible, but I have no idea if or when that will happen.

I know this is hard, but just hang in there and give it a shot. You will know if this is going to work for your son. If it doesn't work out, then at least you tried it.

Keep us posted!

OMG...this brought me back to when my son first started pre school and it just made me cry. Even worse, he was NOT diagnosed yet and it was a Catholic school so NO SERVICES AVAILABLE. It was awful. I cried and cried. He had good days and bad days. I received awful letters from his teacher telling me all the "odd" things he did that day. And there were incidents where he hit other students and he pulled the teacher's hair. Then they finally said I needed to have a sit down with the teacher and the Principle and my worst fear was starting to be realized when they suggested that I have him evaluated. And when I did I was told that he either had high functioning Autism or Asperger's. Now this was 11 years ago so I had no clue what Asperger's was and when I heard Autism I immediately thought "Rainman"! ! I was devastated. But that's when the work started. I got him into a school for kids just like him. But it was 45 minutes away and he had to ride the school bus. NIGHTMARE!! He cried and screamed and banged on the windows as they pulled away. I wanted to die. I got in the car and followed the bus like the psycho that I am. All the way to the school and then I crept behind cars so he wouldn't see me and then behind him in the hallway creeping around corners so I could watch him and make sure he was ok. The teacher finally came out to see what on earth I was doing and I just broke down. She assured me he'd be ok. And he was.

Once they start getting services it all turns around. So many incredible changes will come about. It takes time and his teacher needs to be understanding and patient. Was mainstreaming him recommended to you? If so, then it's for a reason. It's because he's capable of being in a normal class. My son was mainstreamed in kindergarten and continued to make great strides. Interestingly enough, we tried to put him back in the same Catholic school once he was ready to be mainstreamed and they wouldn't take him!! But it was the best thing they could have done for us because I didn't realize that they didn't have the services he required.

He's now almost 15 and a freshman in HS and none of his peers have ever known that there was anything different about him. He's an A student and LOVES school. All of his teachers have always loved him. I mean honestly, after all the trouble I went though, I glow when his teachers come and say "are you so an so's mom?? I just had to tell you what a wonderful student he is and what a great young man!" If they only knew what it was like 11 years ago.

So, the point of telling you my story is that IT WILL GET BETTER. I know it seems soooo hard. No one could tell me anything different when I was in your shoes such along time ago. But it WILL get better. If he gets the right services you will see a big change in no time. One on one therapies for them are so crucial and they will teach him how to interact in the classroom. What took my son a long time to do was participate in group activities in the classroom. And he had an attention problem. But those things have just faded away and now (and for a very long time) has behaved like a perfectly normal kid in the classroom. I know all kids are different but you WILL see improvements. And it's important for your child to be around other kids and get the services he requires. I know it's hard but you are doing the right thing. If they recommend pull out services then take them. Once he's ready they will move to full inclusion. The kids are so young in pre-k that they won't know anything is any different about him. And don't be so sure that there aren't any other kids with an IEP in the class. They could have been receiving services already and are better adjusted. I was amazed at how many kids in my son's classes had IEP's and how many even had AS or some form of PDD.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU AND HE WILL GET THROUGH THIS WITH FLYING COLORS!! Just be patient with him and don't reprimand him for things beyond his control...because I still feel guilty for that after all these years. And if you ever want to talk, you have a friend here who's BEEN THERE. If you ever want to chat, inbox me and I'll send you my info. They won't let me post my email addy on here.

I remember those days. We now homeschool. We have homeschooled for the last 4 yrs! If I had not had to work when I sent him to daycare, I would've kept him home. I quit my job 2yrs ago after it came down to going to an office every day or sending my son to school. Our household income was decreased by about 60% as I was the primary breadwinner...I don't regret it one bit!

BIG HUGS! It's a big transition for you and your son. It will take him time to adapt to the classroom but you will probably see him make some big strides this year. With my daughter, I've always noticed the most progress in the second half of the school year. It's like she spends the first half of the year adjusting and just when I'm thinking "This is not working" - BANG! Big improvements! Progress!
My daughter is starting first grade soon and she has always been mainstreamed as well. A study has shown that children with ASD who are mainstream educated have the best prognosis for adult life. I guess it's one of those things where you never know if you never try. Your son could end up being perfectly fine in mainstream education over the long term. Its still early days and there's always the option of switching him to special education if mainstream just isn't working out.
I've been worried about the bullying thing too, but so far the children have been too young to notice that my daughter is different. Some, I think, have perceived that she is young for her age and have taken her under their wing. Others treat her no differently to others while others are just indifferent. So many children at this age have their quirks that a child with ASD doesn't necessarily stand out. For example, sometimes my daughter starts crying like a baby, but there are other kids in her class - typical kids- who also cry like babies!
Don't be so sure that your son is the only child in his class with ASD, either. At age 4-5, there are still many children who are either undiagnosed or who are only in the process of being diagnosed. My daughter wasn't diagnosed until she was 5 and by that stage, she was already almost halfway through kindergarten. In pre-K she had no diagnosis other than " language and cognitive delay", no IEP, either. When I was looking for a school for my daughter recently, a question I always asked was "Are there any other kids in the class with ASD?" I got the same answers from every school: "There are a few we're keeping an eye on/ there are a few who are currently being assessed for it." your son was lucky to get a very early diagnosis, but remember that many children his age won't be diagnosed as yet, so your son may not always be the only child with ASD in the class. I hope for his sake that he won't be, because having multiple children with ASD in a classroom means that the classroom is forced to bring in extra resources and it also improves the diversity of the classroom.

My son really struggled when he started his first PreK program, but like another poster mentioned, once we started services, he did SO much better. He is now in a 4 year old PreK class and has been getting services for about a year. He still needs a lot of supports, but he's doing SO MUCH BETTER.

His teacher tells me he is the most well behaved child in class... which is amazing considering past teachers described him as "destructive" and he would do things like crash into all of his peers, turn lights on and off, run from the building, open and close everything... etc. etc. Now, he can manage himself during the day and sensory overload usually hits later at home.

I hope your son settles into class soon. I know what it's like to drop them off so upset and to get negative reports.

It definitely will get better in time..

So, Nathan's first week of school is over. Per his teacher, he has had his ups and downs. She has been great at keeping me informed and has been sending me e-mails at work to keep me updated on what is going on, which has been extremely helpful in calming my nerves. Nathan also appears to be adjusting well. He still gets a little upset when I drop him off, but the hour long tantrum on the first day I dropped him off seems to be a onetime occurrence. The school is doing an amazing job in helping Nathan. Today is only his fourth day at school and they already have a one on one aid in the classroom with him as of this morning. I had a meeting with the school this morning before class started where they set up a "Tier 3" plan until the official IEP can be written. The current single goal on the Tier 3 is to work with getting Nathan to sit and do an activity for 20 minutes at a time without leaving his seat. This is going to be a tough one! With time, I think this will be very possible.

I am just grateful that the school is being so responsive and in such a quick time period. I am ecstatic they already have a dedicated aid for Nathan. I thought this would take much longer. The school seems to genuinely be doing all they can to get Nathan all the services he needs. We have all decided that the main plan is to have Nathan spend the majority of the day in the regular Pre-K class with his aid and when needed, he can be taken to the Special Education room, like when he gets overwhelmed or is having a hard time. So, he will get to spend most of his time in the mainstream classroom and then the Special Education room can be used as a tool as needed.

Apparently, the children are being very good with him, too. Nathan's teacher told me that one of the kids pushed Nathan on the swing during recess the other day (I'm sure he absolutely loved that) and they all try to help him while in class. An older girl (I’m not sure who yet) who goes to his daycare saw him today and, per the teacher "was very sweet to him". I worry a lot about how Nathan’s peers treat him, so it is nice to know that there are children who are making him feel welcome.

These positive reports are making this whole transition to school a lot easier on me. I know that there are going to be some days where the reports are not so great and days where Nathan is not so well behaved, but it is nice that the school is keeping me in the loop (and don't seem to be super annoyed by my many phone calls and e-mails everyday ). The next step is for the school to do their own assessments and then get with me for the IEP in a few weeks. After that, he can get speech/occupational therapy and whatever else he needs. I'm hoping things continue to progress positively and I will try to keep everyone updated on how it goes. Wish us luck.

angelbear, jmorse28, whatamess, Mumofsweetautiegirl, misstippy – Thank you all for your responses. It is nice to hear from people who have gone or are currently going through the same kind of situation. I appreciate the insight and advice, and hearing about other’s similar experiences makes me feel not so alone. Sorry I haven’t been able to respond to you individually (again, first week of school so I am swamped with about a million things), but I have read all your posts. Thanks for all the responses!

This is just great news! This is why we are all here, to support each other. You are right, you will have ups and downs, that is just a part of this. But right now, I think you will continue to see some big improvements in Nathan. My son's speech really took off, and his initiative to do things for himself improved. Also, I think the set routine is good for our kids. Sounds like you have a great school and a caring staff, so I hope this will continue to improve. Hang in there! You are a great Mom, and Nathan is going to do fine!

That is absolutely brilliant that the school is being so efficient and proactive at getting your son special ed resources and also keeping you in the loop! When my daughter got her autism dx partway through kindergarten, it still took them a month and a lot of nagging on my part and the classroom's teacher's part to get extra services organised. Better late than never, I suppose.
I once read somewhere that school is the main form of therapy that a (school-aged) child with ASD will recieve, whether it be mainstream or special school, it will serve as your child's primary source of therapy which is why it's important to find a school with the right services AND the right attitude. It sounds like you have found the perfect school, well, pre-school, so congrats!!
Your son sounds like he's doing a similar program to my daughter this year, in terms of inclusion. My daughter will be having an aide part-time but will be spending all her time in the mainstream classroom, with the option of being withdrawn to a special classroom from time to time if need be. So far she hasn't been struggling with any subjects but she struggles with sensory overload and "shutdowns" so it might be useful for her to retreat to the special classroom for that reason.
Overall, I'm confident that your son and my daughter will do ultra-well this year!