How to get it through to them...

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I have been in the same relationship for a year now. (go me!) However, either I'm going crazy or they are thick. I have told my girlfriend since day one that I have aspies. I have tried to discuss with her what some of this means. I have also offered reading materials and recommended searching on the internet. Out of despiration I even made her sit down and watch the movie Adam.
I am the type of Aspies that loves to try to be social...although I often wipe and burn miserably. I also have trouble seeing things other than in black and white. I like most others enjoy my routines and am out of place if I do not have them. The problem here being that right now I rarely get to have routine and because she insists all aspies must have a list of do's and don'ts that define them she seems to quite often yell at me because she declares it's not on the list of what little she has read. I'm trying to get her to understand that most of my friends who are aspies as well do not even bother trying in a relationship anymore, this is their choice.
My choice was to attempt to be in a "normal" relationship. This ended up including grown children that now live with us, their girlfriend and their children. So while attempting to declare routine is a must in my life, change is hard, and dealing with other people without coming across rude, arrogant, or however else I'm taken is dang near impossible, I am now sharing my house and my life with my girlfriend, two grown children close to my age, and three small children (two of which are every other week) not including my own son. I have alot of trouble lately not being adjitated and quickly losing my temper. I know from past experience this happens when I have less, than what I feel I need, control of what is going on around me or when I lack routine and am trying to "fit in."
I am not looking for someone to say that the way I act or what I need is ok. I am looking for a way of better explaining to those who can't understand the frustrations of what I like to compare to a hard working "c" student fighting to be a straight "a" student. Or examples of how not all aspies is exactly the same that there is not a list of do's and dont's, that just like the nt population I can differ from others in the same or similar categories.
I should have stated my age I suppose I am a 30 year old female. I am of alternative sexual orientation. My girlfriend is 42 together we have children ranging in age from 10 to 25.

Please help and excuse the patches of rambling as I was attempting to majorly multi-task while posting.

Thank you so much.

You're going to have to sit her down with a psychologist or psychiatrist who can explain, in detail, that aspies are like snowflakes. It's a lot of gray area. That's why it's a spectrum. She's not accepting the information from you so someone else has to explain it to her.

You may have to declare Alone Time or a "Man Cave" or whatever you want to call it. Something to give you the space and time to reset your system so you aren't overwhelmed. But she and your other loved ones will have to respect and understand your need for it.

(edited to put quotation marks around "Man Cave" - I wasn't thinking specifically gender when I said it but realized since the OP is female, I think I just tripped over my own aspie tongue again. I hope the essence of what I was saying is somewhat clear.)

Thank you for your help. "Man-cave" is completely acceptable in my eyes as I would preferr a space not overloaded with flowers, sugar, spice all of whatever's suppose to be nice. I'd rather have mach war games, movie posters etc. Lol.