stigma of aspergers

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hi how do we lose the stigma of aspergers? i was honest with my (ex) girlfriend, hoping for some understanding, and i think she just decided to bail on me instead of trying to understand me. now i feel maybe i shouldnt have told her i have AS. it feels like a catch22, dont tell and they look at you weird, tell them and they leave. i'm begining to think i should just be alone. any advice?

dude, i told my gf and she couldnt deal with it...then i spent 2 years trying to convinve her and me that i didnt have it just to please her, i hav enow chucked her and accepted it and i feel better i feel for the first time i am being me and not a construct to pleasde her....be true to you dude, aspies hate lieing and hate liers, when your true you will attract a caring nuturing type of girl mebe dont tell them straight away but soon enough into the realtionship to let them go if they want to bail...if they stay they will cause because of your aspiness not despite it.

#good luck dude

I hate to sound like a mom but it's probably best to tell them soon enough because, if they're going to leave you because of it, it's better to be rid of them sooner rather then later.

It's a real problem. We can't really blame people for lack of understanding. Sometimes it's hard for them to make sense of it and they get scared. When someone says they have a disability they can think the worst. Perhaps it is not always best policy to tell. Why rock the boat when things are going well?

Yannick

yes, very good points, excellent, actually... i at least give her credit, because she helped me realize i have it. i have always been in denial, but i have come to terms with it. argh, and i huess the bad part is, she was hoping to maybe be friends instead, and i could not adjust to it. i explained to her why i cant deal with that kind of change. i really tried to be friends, but my brain couldnt get passed the past. maybe that in itself is something that both aspergians and non aspergians alike have issues with... change tends to paralyze me

donkey thanks man, that is really good advice, you made my day a lot better!

This is what I´ve been worrying about as I guess aspiness isn´t exactly attractive to a lot of women. I think one has to make sure a woman likes you the way you are before telling her about AS.

I hate to be an arse, but get used to it. i feel the same way, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you dont. it is a sh***y lifestyle but what can you do?

yep. i need to get used to it. so true.

If they leave you because they can't handle your AS after you tell them you have AS, then thye are not the type of person I would want to be around in the first place. If they don't like you for who you really are, screw em.

My husband has AS (but won't acknowledge it/accept it) and some of the things about him that I know are related to AS are actually super sexy to me! My husband is the sexiest man I've ever met! I knew he was a bit odd right from the get go, but I like it!

I consider myself an attractive woman and dated many men before I met my husband, so it's not like I settled for some weirdo nerd with AS because I couldn't get anyone better. I fell in love almost immediately with my husband...I probably would have said yes to a marriage proposal on our second date! My husband is my soulmate and I accept him completely, AS and all.

I'm sorry that there have been women in your life who were unaccepting of your AS. That was hurtful and unfair.

I say go with your gut feelings. If it's a woman you really like and want to have a long term relationship with, be honest about your AS and let it play out from there. It may help her understand you better and deepen your relationship. If it's just a fling, have fun and don't bother bearing your soul.

haha! well, now, that actually put a smile on my face!! ! you are good, it was a long fling, like 7 months worth, so yer right, i shouldnt make such a big woop about it all... so its kinda wacky how everything worked out (or really, didnt work out...) i couldnt deal with her different ways of being since she finalized her divorce (big changes...), and i think she couldnt deal with my aspergers, so it was a stale mate, if that makes any sense...

i am SOOO HAPPY to hear a woman say great things about asperger guys!! ! you know, even though we are different, you are right, we have certain qualities that make us different than yer average dudes, so there! i think aspies make really good conversation, have deep interest in subjects, and we are very unique. thank you Melanie, you brightened my day a lot!

mike gee

right on Ken! i agree. we are who we are. it just sucks when people change, i dont get it... i didnt change. i stayed the same. that's another thing about us aspies, we are extremely consistant! thnx for the reality check...

i think this is a mistake.....autistic people are morally honest and truthfull and real abouit their approach to life....this does attract a certain type of gal.....aspiness is a gift dont diss it and dont be ashamed to be aspie....dont ever pretend that yourt not just to fit in..ok sometimes you have to make a bit of chit chat to fit in but be a true aspie....theres nothing wrong with us and we do attract soem really great girls because we are aspie wether we know it or not.
but dont maanipulate a sotuation and play the aspie card either.
being aspie attract the real great gals the nice shy types the girls you really want.......pretending your not aspie attrafts the wannabes,. and as soon as your aspiness gets in the way they fight you, you want someone who will love you melt downs and all.

just me.

Seconded!
AS is who you are. My partner spent years trying to hide his 'weirdness' and it just made him miserable. I fell in love with his Aspieness! I find NT men dull and shallow.

If a girl really likes you and wants to be with you, it's because of who you are. You are an Aspie. If someone can't deal with you as you are, it doesn't matter if you're Aspie or NT, you're just not suited to each other.

This may sound harsh but the older I get the more sense this makes...

Anyone who will not have you as you are does not deserve you.

Also, it is better to find out quickly, than to get stuck in a bad marriage.

I think it is always better to be honest. Maybe go with them to a therapist who is famliar with AS so they can explain to your significant other what it's all about and so the s.o. does not become overwhelmed by the news.

The thing is that some people are just chicken. I had a guy dump me because of my allergies. I was hurt at the time but now I think, what a wimp. What would happen in life if something serious came along. Who wants a fair weather friend?

The other thing is that your ex would have found out at some point. Then she might have been upset at not being told before.

But the bottom line is, to run out because of a difficulty for them, does not say much about their loyalty as a future mate. In my opinion. I know it hurts but maybe this frees you to find someone who will love you as you are.