I don't understand? What went wrong?

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As some of you may know, I went on a date recently with an OKCupid connection. I thought it was a marvelous time. We had coffee, then went to a movie. Our interests, in movies, literature, history were synching up like few I'd met before. What a mind she had, and she had such lovely features too.

On top of all that, at the end of the night, we kissed...a lot. Heck, it bordered almost on make out...maybe a minute of nice, gentle kissing (though I was careful with my hands).

I made sure afterwards to play it smart. I didn't call her right away, but I did send a nice text the morning after. A few days after I called again, and we had a brief conversation, at the end of which she broke off because she said she was going to watch a movie with her mom. Since then, I've heard nothing from her. No replies to my facebook posts (we're FB friends), no response to my text, and no replies to my calls. I'm not calling or texting every day. More like once every three or four. It's been nearly three weeks since our first outing. It seems more and more like the last.

What happened? How do you go from a great night ending with kissing to her not giving me the time of day? I'm just getting so...angry at this game and at all the subterfuge. She seemed so into me that night, but nothing afterwards.

Part of me wants to lash out and do the usual "rotten lying women" screed that comes up on these boards, and which I've been guilty of in the past. But it's all just a mask for the deep insecurity I feel. It feels like, no matter what I do, I can't win or find success with women. I was so excited by the prospect of just having a second date, which I've never managed with a girl in my whole life. And yet, despite the success of the first date, the end result is the same. She demonstrates a total lack of desire in me, and I'm left wondering what happened?

Each date, I try to learn from the one before it, to try different things, and yet the result is always the same...rejection. And I never get any answers about what's wrong?

And so I wonder if there is something truly, irreparably wrong with me? I feel utterly undesireable and unloveable. I see my facebook friends, and their walls are full of postings from friends and girls who say, "What's up," "We need to hang out," "How r u?" and my FB has nothing. I never get anyone asking how I am, and when I try to keep connections with other people, they seldom respond back, like I'm not worthy. My best friend from high school was back for a whole week for Christmas (I learned this after the fact, from his FB), yet never responded to my messages that we should meet up to hang out. Nothing. From my best friend!

Sorry, that's a bit of a divergence, but it's all part of a pattern. I really do think, no matter how happy I seem, how engaging I try to be, how interested I try (truly, honestly) try to be in the other person, no matter how confident I try to be, they can see right through my facade. They feel nothing toward me. I feel like they just see immediately that they can do better.

I just want someone to give me a chance like I've been willing to give other people. I want someone who'll right me or text me a while to say, "What's up," "wanna hang out," or something. To know I'm being thought of. That I matter to SOMEBODY.

As far as this goes what should I do? Do I send an ultimatum? Ask her if I did something wrong? Should I just put it out there and say, "I like you, and I thought you liked me, what gives?" (though in more polite wording).

What is wrong with me? Is AS like some kind of pheromone we give off? Am I doomed forever?

Don't question yourself and mess up your self-esteem because one chick went lukewarm after a good date. You're fine, and from the sounds of it you really knew how to woo this chick on that date.

My guess is she wants (maybe without realizing it) you to be pro-active in contacting her and asking her out again. She's probably as unsure as you are about what to do next, so you need to take the initiative. Don't be so direct by saying something like ""I like you, and I thought you liked me, what gives?" - show that you like her with your actions; tell her you seen a movie you liked and ask her if she thinks it's worth seeing? Anything! If you like this chick then go after her...

I think you should forget this and try to date as many people as possible. People do have second thoughts, and some of the time they are too embarassed to admit to the person they don't want to see them.

Take this as a no and try to move onto someone else.

Or what hale bopp said.

From what you've written, there's no telling whether you did something wrong. I wouldn't assume you have. Some things just run foul of the moods and whims and vagaries of the universe.

I'm going the proactive route. Gonna take charge. I just wrote her, asking her out again for an evening out in an area shopping/restaurant area near where I live, which is known for it's holiday lights. They're going out in a couple of days, so it seemed a good place to go with someone to see. Not to mention there's tons of shopping and great places to eat, so win?

Of course, it may wind up she's not into me, and I'm back to square one again for the umpteenth time. In which case, f**k my life to hell.

I'm sorry. That has got to be so frustrating.

She is chicken s**t, that's what the problem is. Plenty of those out there.

Wombat, I don't like texting either but it's all part of the game. I don't make the rules. I've tried calling her, but she doesn't reply, and it's amazing the kinds of excuses girls come up with for why they didn't get those calls. I had one girl actually claim her cell phone service lapsed for a whole week. And all I could think was, "You live in one of the most affluent parts of town. That answer is BS, and it's insulting you think I'd be so dumb as to buy your birdbrain excuse."

Women can screen calls, ignore them, claim they never went through. This girl has responded more often to my texts, and texts are fairly absolute. There is no mix up. You hit send, they receive. After a few texts without a response, you can be fairly certain of the answer by their neglect.

All the technology at our fingertips, actually, is kind of nice. It's give people fewer excuses, fewer places to hide. It's what tells me my friends from school aren't that good of friends, because they're technically saavy, but never reply to my emails. I realize they don't give a damn, so I unfriend them from facebook, and sever ties, and let them be damned for all I care.

actually I have sent texts people haven't received due to problems with my phone

I just got this reply, verbatim with punctuation errors retained:

"Im, really sorry, but im super busy this weekend."

It's not looking too good for me, is it?

Do I propose another date? Do I ask straight up if she's not interested in me? Do I just not even bother, and erase her from my memory?

BR

Brian:

When two people meet on these online dating sites, it can be quite a nerve wracking event. There are many undefined variables they tend to worry about. What if the other person rejects them? What if the other person falls madly in love with them, and they don't feel the same way? What if they are not really ready for a relationship? Among other things.

Attraction is more complex than getting along with someone and having a lot of things in common.

So what is wrong with you? Very possibly nothing. This particular women might just not have been attracted to you due to her own biological makeup, or she may had issues of her own and felt she really couldn't handle a relationship.

In the world of dating, it is important to self evaluate, and ask "how can I improve myself" but it's also important to realize sometimes you are going to get rejected just because, though no fault of your own, you aren't someone's type. Likewise many people you encounter may not be your type. You can't..or shouldn't hold it against someone if they are not attracted to you. It's not healthy and not reasonable.

I think the Facebook friend issue is different, and may be more closely related to AS. I've observed that most people on Facebook who get a lot of activity on their page either have a large number of facebook friends (how strong those relationships are, who knows?), or interact frequently offline with these people.

Unfortunately, to those of us with AS, how to form strong, offline social connections is a bit of an enigma.

what do NT's do that people with AS don't?
Answer: I don't know.

Well, I'm gonna write her now. Gonna lay it all down and break it off.