The AS checklist - Do I really have it? (warning:a bit long)

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You know, I have been diagnosed with AS when I was 15, but, since then, I feel like I have matured in some ways. Maybe I do have AS syndrome, but does anyone else out there sometimes feel when they've read books or articles on Aspergers syndrome and its main traits, that maybe you don't have it? Maybe you have some similar, lesser disorder, or maybe it is because AS has various degrees of effects on people, and everyone still has their own personality, and may not fall into the main categories.

I should be thankful if I only have high functioning AS and not the full blown thing. But in some other ways, I don't have much of the benefits of it either as far as I know - only difficulties. But do I actually have it?

I am going to list what traits I notice I have, which ones I don't, and which ones I'm not totally sure about. I would like to be replied by someone to help me figure myself out, but feel free to post your own 'checklist' and see where you fit on this AS thing too.

Ok here we go then:


What I have:

-Obsessive and narrow interests. This isn't like so many times I've heard of it being an object or inner workings of an object, or facts and dates for many Aspies. For me it has always been some form of hobby: a band or a TV show or a videogame, etc (but often not a well known or popular one). Oddly enough, it seems like every obsession I've ever had (except for Ninja Turtles) also involved the even GREATER obsession and crush of someone related to this interest, so: a band member, a TV character, a videogame character =P However, even being obsessed with my interests doesn't turn me into an expert on the subject, it just determines how much I enjoy it.

-social anxiety/shyness/social cluelessness. I enjoy being a loner but I don't enjoy being LONELY. I greatly desire to make some friends and have some form of social life beyond the internet (where I am very comfortable but I am clueless in person). I have always been thought of as a weirdo, or even a freak, but in recent years when people have called me a freak (online), they don't even barely know me so its not fair. And they're usually jerks who can't like anyone different than them.

-physical clumsiness, well only a little, but it definitely seems to have been apparant when I tried to play sports. This might combine with the multitasking problem, because sports have many rules and you have to move different limbs and think and prepare for different actions all at once, so its never been something I've been physically or mentally able to comprehend. These days the bigger issue is that I don't have the stamina.

-talking monotonely. Yes I don't feel like I hear my voice using different tones. I try to do that but it feels unnatural, but I dont want to go around sounding like a robot. It's really frustrating because I care about what I say and I do have emotions and passion, but I dont know how to express these things properly with speech. I'm just better off TYPING to be honest. The online me I consider the REAL me. The in person me is just some sort of safe undercover spy-me or something, trying to figure out society around me.

-can't multitask. This is true. Unless I'm listening to music while drawing or something, but for the most part, I can only do one thing at a time and think in terms of one thing at a time.

-I have a stronger sense of vocabulary than most, well I guess. I have what I believe to be average intelligence, even though people always tell me I'm 'smart' but I don't know how they came to those conclusions. I wonder if its even such a compliment in this world full of idiots?

-social memory problems: This is aweful! I feel so bad about this one because I keep forgetting friends' birthdays or some things they have told me, or what we talked about last time if its been a little while since we talked. And sometimes people will I.M. me and if I say 'who is this again?' and they're like, 'OMG, you say that EVERY TIME! ' I just feel horrible then... But hey if they dont contact me often enough.... And as for closer friends, if I dont remember something, they think it means I dont care, but it just means I forget easily! Another friend of mine last night had remembered something specific from a conversation WAY back. Did he actually REMEMBER what I said word for word?! I can't ever do that.

-prone to depression. Oh whether its just down in the dumps or full blown hospitalised depression, I've been through ALL varieties of it. I often find myself sad, and even crying, and negative. I don't think its healthy to be so sad this often, but I refuse to take medication.

-Being blunt/rude by accident. This happens to me sometimes, thankfully not alot!


What I don't have:

-I don't have a very high IQ I'm pretty sure. I'm not a really technical person at all, in fact I really SUCK at math, and complex problems. I have always loved solving problems and THINKING - like adventure games and rich stories, even if I can't always keep up with them. But complex code, math, or such? ahh! I am not all that smart! Bright, clever, sure. But I don't have the kind of intelligence and gifts some Aspies have. In fact I think my problem is, I come ACROSS as smart, so some people expect more out of me because of that and give me too much credit.

-repetitive movements: I've never catched myself doing a repetitive movement, except for trying to get my long hair out of my face.

-Sensory sensitivies: Actually, I dont even have this at all, or barely. I seem to be a bit sensitive to brightness because I am much more comfortable when its a bit dimmer, and I don't like bright sunny days. There is also one particular type of alarm clock that just grates at my NERVES I can't stand it... I don't like to be touched but thats more because I'm not a touchy-feely kind of person. There are no problems with anything that feels just torturous for me to bear.

-Taking things literally/not getting jokes or medafores. I only dont understand medafores if its new and confusing to me, but usuallythey all make sense to me. I used to not get alot of jokes but these days I understand it all. I don't take anything literally, I just THINK too much, so I might look at something from a literal and non-literal way and wonder how its really supposed to be taken, but usually if its obvious to most, it is to me too. For instance, if the phone rings and the person says 'Is Joseph there?' I won't just go and find out and tell them 'yes'. I will find him and tell him the phone is for him. I don't have a problem with understanding these type of things.

-Anger problems. I have read time and time again of Aspies that blow up at someone or lose their cool, and I've seen that happen to another Aspie myself actually, but never to me. In fact, I am very 'zen'. Very laid back, chilled, I don't panick, I don't swear at people or pick a fight, I just like to keep the peace - I HATE confrontations, they are very nerve wracking... Now ofcourse I DO have anger that I keep to MYSELF or perhaps expose sometimes on the internet, I can be a very furious person in my own thoughts if the situation calls for it, but no matter HOW maddened I am, I would NEVER physically take it out on someone or something. Perhaps my lack of letting out anger in the real world leads to more tears instead. I'm not sure.

-ability to concentrate. They say AS people can concentrate really well on their interests, but I even have a hard time doing THAT! This is really difficult in college, as anything I don't like much is VERY hard to focus on, and even things I do enjoy is hard to focus on - cause its still homework and I still rather be doing something else.

-trouble considering others' feelings or needs. I have the OPPOSITE problem! I put other peoples needs well ahead of my own, usually in an exaggerated way that doesn't need to be done. For instance, making sure to only use over-the-ears headphones so that my music won't upset other bus riders, and keeping the volume reasonable just in case! Making sure I'm not in someones way or talking about something embarrassing about them in front of others, or I dunno, whatever. I tend to be pretty decent at understanding others' needs, though I'm not perfect. but when I do know what is respectable, I always try to be that way. I try to be the person that there should be more of around. That sounds kind of arrogant... I didn't mean in it that way. =P See! there I go AGAIN! Just now I am trying to make sure I don't annoy anyone, sheesh!



I really have no idea....:

-LONG POSTS as you may have noticed. I don't know if this is an AS trait or not. I tend to want to explain everything in detail and not leave anything out, and I hope its interesting too, but many NTs can't stand it. It has caused problems for me on many other boards when I try to fit in. I can definitely just reply and have a normal sized post, but when I really have something to say, many people don't have the patience to read it. And if they don't read it, i probably wasted my time. In highschool this was instead a GOOD trait because Essays were a cinch - if the topic was relatively appealing. I had a bigger problem trying to CUT OUT words to get it under the limit! I really wish I could control this, but I can't seem to, so I just try my best to break it up often so you always have a break.

-akward eye contact? I have no idea if I have this problem, because I always give people eye contact, but I think I give them constant, unbroken eye contact, and thats not good either right?

-I am really a procrastinator, its horrible. I dont know if this is common in AS people.

-I have a somewhat organised room (different sections) but its very cluttered and messy (ok, it looks like a bomb went off in there), but I hate it being that way! I prefer to be organised, yet its hard to make it happen and keep it that way, but this ties in with procrastinating, because I always put off cleaning it and organising it. I have no idea if this is a AS problem or my own problem!

-Being emotionally clueless? I'm confused on this one, because sometimes I do care about others but I dont know how to show it. I don't consider myself a saint or someone whose really all that caring about people - I somehow find myself a bit selfish, but not for the sake of being so - its just that so often my own life is miserable and confusing enough that I can't handle other peoples problems too. But I try to help. I've been told I'm excellent for advice and really a nice person. But I guess it just depends if I'm in the mood to help? =P

-Nothing gets DONE! I am a very creative person when it comes to thinking up all sorts of clever ideas for projects for myself to take on on the computer relating to my obsessive interests, but they end up overwhelming me because there are too many and I don't know where to start, or how to see it through to completion! Even the ones I start on I seem to get distracted off of from some new idea, and I never complete anything, and it really is a source of heartacke for me, because ideas are useless and just a torment if I can't actually make anything USEFUL out of them. If I can't fix ANYTHING else about myself, I'd like to fix THIS one.

-escaping from/hating reality. I don't know if this is a common AS problem, possibly it is in those of us who get depressed easily. I always do things that occupy me and have me not focused on real life and what I hate about my life. I am particularly bad with daydreaming and thinking of a fictional ideal love that I wish I could have, instead of making myself more available to find REAL love (I'm really not interested), I always just focus on the impossible-to-get perfection in my mind. Why do I do this to myself?

-I do have a drawing talent but its very limited. People think it looks great, but as far as being a REAL artist goes, I don't feel like I have a natural 'nack' for it,and it really bothers me. People expect me to do great things with my art, but I think maybe they don't know what kind of amazing stuff is out there that makes mine look kinda pathetic by comparison. Ofcourse maybe I'm also just my own worst enemy here.





So, there we have it. I don't know if I left anything out, but I'm really sick of working on this thread now to be honest! (hours later!) I really have to apologise for the length!
My bad...
Just remember that it took me much longer to type than for you to read >.< But I thank you very much for your time. I look forward to your comments and learning about what things you guys do and don't deal with relating to AS.

dude you sound aspie to me, yo sound like me.........it was a long post and i turned off at the end, i cant analyse the whole thing but i think you should accept your aspieness.
forgetting names numbers oplaces dates and faces...i do this too..there is a word for it..dyscalculia..forgets numebers and links up with bad at maths,,forgets birthdatea etc...i forget my own bday if my sisters didnt e-mail and say happy bday.

another thing, aspies try to out do themselves in helping others and anticipating wehat they think others want them to do...so your right here your considerate but being able to intuitively know how nt's think...no this is where we all fall down we dont get this.......we just cant really empathise properly. but we cant anticipate and act how they think we want, we just get it wrong a lot.
dont stare at people i loook at eyes and move from eyes to mouths to lokign away but to stare unbroken is creepy.....i didt read the rest too long
good luck

i read your post(not the whole thing, i lost my focus somewhere). i think your aspergers. you don't need all the traits to have it.

Articles include common traits and will usually. most books i have read were more about children with AS (People really should have a better selection of adult aspie books). a lot of the descriptions of AS you find online are parents describing their kids. maybe they think their kids are the typical autistics ...
the section I really have no idea.... includes a lot that i have heard on this forum/go through myself.


...completely unrelated
How long did this take you to write?

[quote="Raph522"]Articles include common traits and will usually. most books i have read were more about children with AS (People really should have a better selection of adult aspie books). a lot of the descriptions of AS you find online are parents describing their kids. maybe they think their kids are the typical autistics ... [quote]


I agree that alot of the descriptions are of children. I am by no means an expert, not even being diagnosed officially myself, but I have done alot of research. In my humble opinion, they are often times descriptions of young children, I think that as you get older it perhaps gets easier to deal with and easier to disguise and you don't openly display some symptoms, as you would as a child.

As it has been said before though, you musn't display them all..

Also, some of those aren't even technical diagnostic criteria, they are just things aspies have found that we have in common with each other. Perhaps they should be symptoms, perhaps not.

I too, find myself questioning my AS when I read certain things. For me, my life makes more since if I have it. I think it's a personal thing whether or not you feel this way.

Anyways, that probably didn't help answer your question.. but.. I know how you're feeling..

[quote=" I too, find myself questioning my AS when I read certain things. For me, my life makes more since if I have it. I think it's a personal thing whether or not you feel this way..[/quote]


yes, life makes more sense if i do have it..this is exactly how these diagnostic criteria should be explained..you dont need to fit them all, if your an aspie all you need to do is say life makes sense when you apply that to me....i like thi sexpalantion im going to use it oo...life makes more sense this way....

i totally relate to this posting. though i was never diagnosed officially. i think AS is still a big mystery, and from i have read, there are varying levels. i have always thought myself different, aloof, a true wordsmith (lyric/songwriter), prefer to be alone, and have problems connecting with people. i can laser point a conversation and turn over every stone and nuance of a subject to the point of boredom... my parents both show similar traits, even more so.

i wonder... if i was never diagnosed, and my parents were never diagnosed, would it be possible i could have assimulated in such a way that i am almost a hybrid? i have a genius IQ, i can socialize and communicate when i need to, although, i still feel very awkward in social situations.

has anybody ever done studies on this? i mean, the question is, if one is never diagnosed, and lives life adapting to the world around them, does one learn and grow, but not be truly textbook aspergers, yet not become totally social and "normal"?

i do plan on getting tested. ever since ive been aware of AS this year, i feel i fit about 50% of the symptoms, but i think also that i maybe just learned over my life to try and fit in...

thanks for your input!

mike gee

ps to give you an idea of what i mean better:

AS traits i have:

socially aloof most all of my life

concentrating on particular interests. i really delve into what i want to learn, independently. i can do it for hours or days. i like to absorb information on things.

i have a lot of trouble understanding people if they do not clearly communicate to me what the think or need. i end up assuming, and then i react innapropriately. i tend to react rashly, suddenly, abruptly.

minor physical repetitve movements. i always squeeze my toes constantly, almost always, , like flex them, tighten and loosen.
or else rock or bounce my right leg. its almost constant, but very not noticeable. its almost controlled repetive motion though.

but:

i can maintain eye contact. except for when i am rambling on about a particular subject, then i tend to stare into space as i talk. i also can be social, although i never feel i fit in. it like i feel like i am at a private club where everyone is chattering, and i feel like a wrong piece of a puzzle. the weirdest thing is that i am expressive, i smile and chat, but maybe it is something i have learned how to do over time...

thanks

pss

oh yea, here is the reason why, and how i found out about AS in the 1st place: it is because i wondered why peple react to me the way they do, i didnt understand why:

people at work call me a robot, or a martian. i have been told this to my face, and behind my back. i am really focused at work, and tend to just totally fall into my work, and i guess people think i ignore them, so they always razz me.

my neighbors always say "hi stranger, where you been hiding?" "why do oyu seem like you're never around, even when you are at home?"

my girlfriend was confused why i didnt display much eye contact with her. its off and on. she is good because she will let me ramble, and she listens to me.

my parents always did their own thing, and i do too. none of us are much social. it feels like its elective to me. i can take or leave people. i dont feel i need them. i would like to want to. i just dont know how exactly.

thanks again

What I have:
-physical clumsiness,
-can't multitask.
-very strong vocabulary
-social memory problems (can't remember birthdays, video due dates or assignment due dates.. Costs me a fortune in late fees )
-High IQ
-repetitive movements
-Being blunt/rude by accident
-ability to concentrate.
-massive procrastinator


What I don't have:
-prone to depression - Not really, some days I like to sit in the dark and listen to goth metal, but most of time I'm quite cheerful.
-Obsessive and narrow interests.
-social anxiety/shyness/social cluelessness.
-talking monotonely (I actually have this really Australian accent, like Crocodile Dundee or Steve Urwin, while nobody else in my family talks this way).
-Sensory sensitivies:
-Taking things literally/not getting jokes or medafores.
-Anger problems (same as above, I'm a very passive person and I've been told I have a calming effect on people. However I rage inside my head).
-akward eye contact?
-trouble considering others' feelings or needs.
-Being emotionally clueless?

Basically I have asperger's with the majority of the bad bits removed.

I'm an aspie, all right. I have nearly all of the symptoms that everybody here mentioned. Many of them as well under control. However, I clearly remember them from my pre-WrongPlanet days, when I thought I was just a weirdo, as opposed having a clear explanation for the "weirdness."

I DO HAVE:

One common criticism of me on the 'net is that everything I write is too long! (this message, no doubt, will hardly be an exception!) I'm more comfortable writing and reading long posts, though. I've had people call my messages "lectures", and I think I must come across as a "know-it-all" sometimes, too, because sometimes I get obviously irritated replies correcting me.

I view communication as a way of sending and recieving raw, accurate/useful information, and I'm uncomfortable with using it for anything else. I think most other people seem to use it as a way to "socialize", which, based on my observations, I can only conclude means: to send and recieve emotions, to confirm each other's positions in a pecking order, and to see if they can make noise and use the results of that sound (very much, as I see it, like a bat making a noise in the dark to find its location by following the echoes.)

I do have the obsessive and narrow interests. I get the impression that for many Aspies, these last a life-time, but for me they tend to last a year or two before I "burn out" on them. I know that people get sick of me going on-and-on about these intersts when I let myself start talking, but I can't stop myself, sometimes even past the point where they start trying to change the subject and begin making faces and start trying to get away from me.

I do have the social anxiety and so on as well - it's like other people are talking in kind of secret code, where they are hearing and saying different things from what I can hear. I need to make friends on what must seem like a glacial pace to the "normals", nobody else ever seems to have the patience for that. (NT's seem to rush into and out of everything at an irresponsibly fast speed, and they have no patience at all!)

I have the clumsiness as well - I was always terrible at sports (to the disappointment of my father, I think) because of a combination of not really understanding the rules or the point, and a complete lack of coordination.

And the monotonous voice, although I learned to mostly compensate for that as I got older by exaggerating the tone and adding in some "hand talk" for emphasis. It seems to mostly work with occassionally mixed results. There's still something that isn't quite right about my speach when I listen to recordings of it, though. Yes, I talk more online in one night than I usually do IRL in a week or two, becuase typing is more comfortable and natural.

Multitasking? I can't "socialize" and do something else at the same time, and stopping in the middle of something to do something else (and if that gets interrupted as well by a NEW task, I begin to increasingly feel like I've lost complete control over everything, and am now being blown around in conflicting winds without direction, reason, or point.) I can accomplish something similar to multitasking by breaking two or more large tasks up into a number of smaller tasks and splicing them all together as a series of smaller tasks, but it takes practice and preparation.

I also have a larger and more complex vocabulary than most people, which I think makes me seem "smarter" than I really am. It tends to look stilted and formal, I guess. Words have SPECIFIC meanings, and when used the wrong way it's a bit distracting for me, I have to substitute the right word in my head as I read or listen, or I lose track of what's going on.

Social memory is, indeed, awful! In my case, it's a combination of not being able to remember dates and numbers, having trouble associating names with people, and not being able to recognize faces.

I'm not really blunt/rude by accident, I think, as much as it seems like I mean one thing and people hear/read something completely different. Or I might say something and not realize that anyone could take it as cruelty or insult. Furthermore, compliments ALWAYS come out wrong!

I used to think I was prone to depression with massive mood-swings, but after thinking about it the last couple of days, I'm not really so sure it's depression in the strictest sense of the word. I think there's a combination of "Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)" where I naturally just slow down at certain times of year, and pure exhaustion from trying to play the "normal game". In most ways, I actually look forward to this "down time" as time spent away from people and doing things at a slower pace. The bad part about it is that everyone around me suffers from my "depressions" more than I do, and think it's me being "selfish", "stuck up", and "rude".

I've got terrible handwriting (the computer-age is SUCH a blessing for me!) I understand that bad penmanship is also common among Aspies?

I guess I do have the repetive movements/stimming after all, I'd never thought about it before but looking back at it, they seem obvious now. I would have said before yesterday that I fortunately don't have any obsessive-compulsive tendencies, but my stimming habits definitely look like OCD's!

People have made fun of the way I walk, I feel very self-conscious when walking. Being slightly "pigeon-toed" plays some part in that, but there could be something more to it than that.

I do have some strange sensitivities to certain things: for example, I can hear the sound of a television screen being on, like a strange very high-pitched and barely audible whistling sound; not the television audio track, but more like the sound of the aiming magnets operating, or the electron beams actually hitting and activating the phosphors, perhaps? The sound used to nearly drive me out of my head when I was a kid, especially in school in combination with flourescent lights which make a kind of rapid clicking or humming sound that other people couldn't seem to hear so clearly. The squeaking sound of solid styrofoam (like those foam peanuts used in packing) popping/breaking or being scratched or rubbed, could nearly incapacitate me, almost like a seizure I guess? (I mean, I'd tense up, lose my balance, and roll my eyes and start drooling uncontrollably for a few moments, until I could get ahold of myself. It can be frustrating and embarrassing when that happens )

Being touched by most people makes me nearly jump out of my skin. Although I did recieve a surprise hug from a girl I now suspect of being AS that seemed perfectly natural, and a couple similar experiences with other people that seemed Aspie to me, which didn't bother me at all. I'm trying to go over in my head why those cases would be different, but I really don't know yet. Different body language leading up to it? I was more comfortable with them for some reason? They had a better sense of what was the appropriate timing for me? ???

Not precisely anger problems, but I do reach a point where I can be pushed pretty far past my limits and I just can't take it anymore, so that it seems like I'm an incredible push-over until suddenly, from out of nowhere, I explode and people say "wow, can't you take a joke?" (well, I wasn't laughing, but I took it alright for days until it escalated out of control, way past the point where a normal person would have probably beat the crap outta you, so yeah, I guess I COULD take the joke amazingly well, huh?) and "oh, no! he's got a scary, violent temper!" ("violent", as if I'm going to actually hurt someone? I'm not going to hurt anyone, I just want to be left alone already!! !) Extremely intense, emotional, and stressful situations involving lots of people where one or more people refuse to give me any "space" (by continually asking the same question over and over, screaming or shouting, focusing or drawing attention to me, etc.) can set me off faster than anything! But normally, I'm pretty sure I've got a very gentle and easy-going temperament, I've had people comment on it my entire life that I'm one of the most "laid-back and mellow" people they've ever met. (So, when I finally do lose it, I guess it seems so far out of character that it doesn't take much to look violent and scary on me?)

Concentration and focus? How many times have I heard "You were lost in your own little world!! !", "It's like talking to a brick wall!"/"I might as well be talking to myself!", and "You're always thinking about yourself, that's all that matters to you, you never think about anybody or anything else!! !"? If it's something I'm interested in, I can practically lock the entire world out of my focus. On the other hand, "You never put any effort into anything!", "You never pay attention to anything!", "You won't put effort into anything!", "You're not trying!", and so on are clearly the signs of how good my concentration is on anything I'm not interested in!

Awkward eye contact and odd body language? Guilty as charged, along with trouble understanding facial expressions and body language. I'm very certain I'm on a completely different set of non-verbal language cues from most people, it's like NT's and me are speaking completely different languages.

"Lack of Empathy" - <open rant> oh, how I hate that description! Hint to NT's: of course other peoples' feelings concern me, and of course I don't want to hurt anyone, and of course I'm fully capable of feeling every emotion you are capable of (and a few, I have reason to believe, that you are incapable of, since there are no words in the English language I'm aware of for some of my emotions!), and you bet I spend way too much time trying to figure out what other people are feeling and how to react the way they want! But, MY GOD, are NT's ever sloppy and overwhelming and non-stop with all that attention-getting emotion! And possessive... if I don't convert to your emotion state and react in the appropriate way, it's something similar to theft somehow! And you don't exactly speak my language with trying to communicate any of it! It's like having one of those yappy little toy dogs bouncing around and shaking uncontrollably for hours for whatever reason they get set off, or a big dopey dog just jumping up and putting its paws all over me and trying to lick my face or something - for heaven's sake, show some restraint! OK, you're excited and mad, or you want someone to pet you or something, and I can dig that, but please don't get mad if I don't run around screaming my head off or lick you back or sniff your butt or whatever the hell it is, that would be an appropriate response in sloppy dog language! Does everything need to be shared with all the subtlety and restraint of a big, sloppy group dog-kiss??? Jeez-Louise, NT's! Try seeing things from MY perspective for a change! Can you stop barking and yapping and jumping and shaking long enough to catch your breath and tell me slowly, calmly, and reasonably what is on your mind!?!? When you speak my language, I'm an excellent listener, honest: one of the best around! And, believe it or not, when communicated in a reasonable manner, I can understand completely what you feel! (I don't understand the WAY you were expressing it, but I DO understand anger/sadness/loneliness/fear/hatred/affection/happiness/disgust/lust/etc.!) </close rant>

I can "think outside the box" pretty easily. It's thinking "inside the box" that I have trouble with. I think that might be part of what is meant by "trouble with reading between the lines", perhaps, and perhaps several other Aspie/Autistic characteristics? Apparently unusual and "very creative" solutions to problems seem obvious to me, while solutions "obvious" and taken-for-granted for most other people are sometimes completely invisible to me. (I could give some convoluted examples, but I think I'm preaching to the choir on this )

I can second the procrastination and dis-organisation of my room, too, in spite of the facts that I like to work on things, sometimes without stopping to eat or sleep, and that I enjoy sorting and organising things.

I love drawing and computer-generated art, but I hate realism and prefer surrealism; I frequently draw monsters or aliens or specifically deformed people, because I can't draw human faces very well (anyway, they tend to look deformed and monstrous when I do try, and that may be because I can't really remember from moment-to-moment what a human face looks like.)

I usually do very well on IQ tests. I think I'm just good at taking them. I've always been good at taking tests - I never studied for most science classes and almost always passed the tests and exams with perfect scores. I think I should have done just as well on history tests if history had been taught right. (I was generally bad at math-type classes and tests, including physics, though, and English/Grammar/Literature classes, because of their focus on essay tests, tended to be hit-and-miss for me.)

Solidess, mikegee (and others) - from what I've recently been learning, Asperger's is considered part of a spectrum, with profound autism at one end and Neurotypical people at the other, with Aspies stuck in the middle at any of numerous points along that spectrum, as any of an infinite selection of "shades of grey" between those black and white extremes. I'm not sure I exactly agree with that (I need to consider more evidence), but if true that's not incompatible with your ideas that some with Asperger's are better able to adapt to mainstream society than others, or that some have more severe and debilitating "symptoms" than others, and that some characteristic "quirks" of Aspergers will be more obvious in some Aspies than in others.

EventingRoze and donkey, I agree - I haven't been diagnosed officially, but for the first time something actually seems to make sense in context with the way I think and behave. And Asperger's itself also seems to make perfect, beautiful, logical, and elegant sense by itself in the larger scheme of things, as I read more and more about it. I mean that I'm less and less inclined towards believing it's a disease or disorder, that there's something wrong or abnormal about me, but rather that it is simply a different way for the nervous system to function, and the problem is only that Asperger's is nearly completely incompatible with the way most other people's systems seem to function. If the proportion of neuro-typical people and Aspies were to be reversed, I'm convinced that being NT would be far more easily and convincingly described as a crippling disorder (as that beautiful hoax website for the Institute for Curing or Studying Neurotypicals demonstrates! )




"I DON'T KNOW":

I might add that I do know, for certain, that I also have Sleep Paralysis, I don't need an official diagnosis for that. I don't know if that sort of thing*is related in any way to Asperger's, but the possibility does interest me. (*Sleep Paralysis, Night Terrors, Hypnogoguic/Hypnopompic Hallucinations, Lucid Dreaming or being aware of and possibly controlling dreaming, Narcolepsy, and/or seemingly "supernatural" sleep-related experiences that are interpreted as alien abductions, out-of-body experiences, demonic attacks and/or possession, and that sort of thing.)

Also, I'll refer again to "Face Blindness", which I personally suspect is very closely related to dyslexia and dyscalculia, and so I further suspect, without any evidence yet, this might be more common among Aspies than anyone realises.

Thank you for the posts everyone! I can see that people share my problems. Yeah, Aspergers definitely has varying degrees of savereness, and not everyone has it in the same way (as I have met two Aspies in real life who were almost COMPLETELY different than me, but we did share SOME similarities, but vast enough differences that it was hard to understand that we have the same thing. One Aspie in my college (I'm assuming he was because I recognised alot of the traits in him), had some obvious problems that I didn't have at all, but on the other hand, he was extremely gifted in ways I just wasn't that worked out very well for him in his assignments. (not surprisingly, I felt sorry for him in the social aspects because he had extremely poor hygene and style, but then I was also jealous of his talents and the praise instructors were giving him of those).

It really seems apparant that Aspies, and in fact, humans in general, have a sense of BALANCE (or lack of it). In whatever ways you are lacking, you have gifts or abilities in something else to make up for it. I find myself rather lost in my life and confused. I mean.... In some ways, I come across as mostly rather normal, so, there's nothing especially distracting, or troublesome about me that bothers others (except for maybe LONG-ASS POSTS! >.<). But then at the same time, I haven't really seen in myself alot of 'gifts' that Aspie people have, or I have significantly less ability to tap into that. Maybe I am just suffering from a real rutt in my life, alot of negative feelings.... but.... I just don't see in myself a whole lot of talents or gifts that atleast make up for the negative aspects. Maybe this is something I still need to work at and discover about myself.

And YEAH, I really do apologise again for the long LONG post, I can only hope you decide to read it when you're bored and have alot of time to kill, and just take it one paragraph at a time.... *sigh* But thanks for reading as much as you can stand, lol. This is especially worrysome for me, because, there are two very important articles that I need to write and get sent to the right people, but sending something like that to a popular company that is very very busy, I HAVE to make sure its all paced perfectly, not too long, gets right to the points right away, but doesn't leave out any of the important details that back up those important points. I am REALLY worried about this, because I NEED them to read it, and I hope they will consider what I have to say and make some change!

How long did it take me? Erm..... 4 hours? I have no idea. Sadly, you see, especially on other forums, I have a limit of how long I want my posts to be, and usually if I surpass that, I just delete them, even if I put alot of thought and time into it >.< I just don't want to know that I'm pissing people off and wasting their time....

Most people have a 2 paragraph attention span

"has anybody ever done studies on this? i mean, the question is, if one is never diagnosed, and lives life adapting to the world around them, does one learn and grow, but not be truly textbook aspergers, yet not become totally social and "normal"? "
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I first heard about AS last summer at 46 years old. Bluffed my way through life for 46 years and making excuses and avoiding social situations.

In my teens and 20's I smoked pot,so people probably blew my being weird off as being high.
In my 30's I drove a truck all over the country and was a professional stranger.

reading a story about AS last summer in the paper was a big releif,it was bingo thats it and why people don't take to me.

So to answer the question,not knowing AS exists and flundering through life without a clue what the malfunction is, doesn't make it go away. Only way i managed to survive was by being a delivery driver in my 20's and a long haul truck driver in my 30's
In my early 20's I got promoted to an inside job and things didn't go smooth,so at about 23 years old I went back to delivery work.

Things would probably have gone better if I had known about AS all along. My life has been like walking into brick walls.