I dedicate this POEM to Emoal6

Post Reply New Topic

My world

Hi come with me
enter my world
come see what it has to offer

I will tell you about my where I spend most of my time
I spend most of my time locked away

I reside on a planet
A planet called Izo
Here it is safe
Safe from the trials and tribulations of everyday life
But, so you can understand,
I will tell you,
Tell you of the things that are bad
And what my planet is like
And how it is a safe haven
A safe haven for people who have a hard time
In Real Life

Most of the time
There is Music playing
This is to drown out the noise
Noise that so often hurts my ears
Noise like traffic stuck in a traffic jam
Noise like a fan going constanly
Buzzing, Spinning and making noise

No strong lights are found on my planet
No need to wear sunglasses
And a hat
It is safe to remove theses items
While on my Planet
As the light that is here is
What could be considered low wattage light

No one touches
No one hugs
Touching can hurt
Can hurt a lot
E-hugs are ok
As you dont really touch
But you are safe on my planet
As no-one will touch you
If you dont want
All you have to do is say
When you enter my planet
Is that you do not wish to be touched by anyone
Under any circumstances

No strong tastes
or Smells
To annoy sensitive taste buds
and noses
No currys or spicy food
No stong perfumes
Or deodrants
To annoy sensitive noses and taste buds

As I have said before
My planet
The place where i reside
for the majority of my life
Is the safest place
You will ever know
The safest place I have ever known

The Safest place you will ever know....

Nice!! !! !!

ok, Im sorry but I cant take it anymore. I have no problem with poetry that doesn't rhyme, I really dont. Its when it just doesn't seem to have a point at all, and it seems like someone decided to write sentences but press enter at random parts in them. It's just seems like its disrespectful to anyone whoever was famous for their work. I mean, if shakespeare or poe, or tennyson, or anyone ever read these, they'd go ballistic. There's no creativity, no feeling, no depth, just sentences with odd spacing, and a lack of punctuation.

I really am sorry, because I have no idea how old you are or how sensitive you are to criticism. I just can't stand it when someone claims to do what I do(in this case write poetry) and shows no sense of intelligence or sheer training in the english language.

Again I dont mean to discourage you from expressing yourself through writting but please, learn to put some effort into it. Either that or dont show it. Its an embarrasment to the people who are trying to make a career out of the craft.

Also, dont think its because I dont understand what you're trying to say. I realize the message clearly. You are different and because of that, you feel it safer to exclude yourself from the real world and live in your imagination. A place where your sensitivities dont get over stimulated to the point of agony. A place where you can be yourself without worrying about persecution. The problem is that you show no sense of direction or creativity in this "work". You show no ability to use metaphors or similies. No rhetoric. It's just painful to read. I'm sorry but someone had to tell you. I can't stand it when people allow others to make a mockery of art, creativity, and most importantly, the power of the mind. Simplicity is used for the ignorant. Read a book, hell, you have the internet somewhere, so look up some classic poets, and then some new age poets. Read so that you may see your faults and improve upon them. If you think I shouldn't tell my opinion if I myself wont show others my work and afford the same criticism to myself, I have work up in the arts, music and writing forum area. Please, until you learn something about writting poetry, dont show it to others. It allows others to make you look like an idiot. No, Im not an NT, I just learned from the world that if you give others a reason to make you feel like s**t, dont be pissed off when they do.

I have had it woth being put down all the time.

Just Screw

Emoal6

You seriously need to learn how to criticize without putting people down.

I mean I know you hate it when people do it to you, I was there.


If you actually want him to improve, maybe you should put some effort into what you say.


But then I think you just got pissed off over what amounts to nothing and felt that you had to put him in his place. Don't like his poetry? Don't read it.

Emoal6
Where do you come off? Poetry is personal expression and while you do have a right to criticize and give opinions on it, it is not appropriate to attack and put hyper_alien down. You claim to be 'really sorry' but that is crap and just some pathetic justification for your hurtful remarks. And who are you to judge effort? He clearly thought it was good enough to post on the internet, and felt comfortable and safe enough to do so - you should feel proud that you took these away from him. If its so 'painful to read' and you hate it so much, then stop reading on the 5th line and get lost. Jerk.

Regardless of some other comments. I really enjoyed your newest poem. I think poems can vary widely, and ones own writing is their own. Not anyone elses...

I hope the negative comments wont stop you from posting in the future (they would for me) as I really enjoy reading what you write. So keep it up!

Aside from the fact that I don't know what this planet is, that's very nice!

No, the problem is, that's not a poem. Oh, and wait, I did give some advice without JUST criticizing. I believe I told them to read some poetry before they try it again. Its not JUST that I don't "like" their "poetry", It's that people encourage it when all it is, is repetition and breaking up sentences. There is no effort what so ever. I could write like that, but then i'd have to kill myself. The fact of the matter is that it's insulting for me to read a subject line like "latest poem" and think, hey, this could be good, just for it to be a disgrace and embarassment. You know, i didnt like it when people criticized me growing up. Guess what, I learned to deal with it. Sometimes you get rain on your parade, sometimes you get carried off the field of victory. And last time I checked, I resided in America(freedom of speech), as a member of the United states Air Force(meaning if you reside in america, I PROTECT YOUR RIGHT TO DO THE SAME AS I JUST DID). You wanna talk about criticism? How bout being told how to eat and when, how to make your bed and put your clothes away. I'd love to see that kid make it through ANY BASIC TRAINING of the military. Would't survive a day! The point is, Creativity has nothing to do with pulling s**t out of your ass and calling it a poem. Creativity has to do with ingenuity and intelligence. Just because it's a "poem", doesn't mean you dont have to use punctuation. You show that "poem" to anyone who has half a brain and they s**t on it. They call you a ret*d. Learn your history before you try to do something you know nothing about. Learn about rhetoric and structure. Learn scdhemes and styles. Alliteration wouldn't kill you, or allusion. Learn about the language you wish to use before you do. Take it as you will and anyone who "likes" that "poem", I feel sorry for the future if THAT gets published. Its definitly a sign of the end of the world.

Well..I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion. Even if I think its quite messed up..

I wouldnt last 2 seconds in the army...btw

f**k IT THEN

YOU HAVE GIT you're WAY-

I HAVE DELETED IT

SCREW

(posted twice by mistake)

i ust got here so didnt get to read the poem because its been deleted.


i think EMOUL is being very insensative whatever the poem said. if he thought it was good enough to post on the internet he obviously had put some effort into it and liked what he wrote. who are you to go saying he didnt put effort into it??
some people are better at things than others but id rather read the work of somebody nice whos put effort in and might after all not be all that good (i didnt get chance to read so ive no idea what it said) than i brilliant poem by somebody who obviously enjouys to critisise others work that he thinks is fit for the garbage can

I just want to say this.

You say I couldn't survive basic training?

Well I am not in America so I wouldn't know.

But I can tell you one thing-

I have survived nearly 6 years as an Air Cadet. That is hard. If I can survive and still survive doing that then I think I can survive basic training.

Oh yeah I went on a camp that replicated basic training in this country and hey guess what I SURVIVED. SO SHAME YOU NASTY EVIL B*****D.

You know what? Emoal? If you ever did have a point, you lost it because of your inability to express yourself without putting him down.

It lost all meaning.

And it also means that it's okay for people to pull this same kind of outright offensive crap on you. You'll probably say that your situation is somehow special and different, and that it doesn't bother you, but I know better. Because I've seen it happen.

And now that you've done it, I'm hesitant to do any constructive criticism because now he's in completely the wrong frame of mind to accept it.

Congradulations as*hole.



And Hyper Alien? You reacted to this the wrong way. By deleting this, you let the idiots win.

When people spaz out like this, you keep doing whatever it is that was making them spaz out. Be proud that you have the kind of power to get that kind of response. Laugh at them as you make them angrier and angrier.

I was thinking that if I was going to put any poetry here that I would make heavy use of poetic devices, but now that I know the lack of them could provoke such strong reactions, I will be hesitant.

Don't let the as*holes stop you. Rise above such petty and small things.

I put back with a dedication

Thankyou