I went to a support group

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Autistic Services on my area has a monthly support group for HFA/Asperger's.

I went.

I'm having some trouble.processing it. I think it dredged up a lot of feelings about being so god awful weird. I forgot how different I must appear to the 'normal' world. Being in a room full of spectrum inhabitants was quite jarring. In part it was like seeing different stages in my life. There was a range of ages from late teens to 60's. Unemployed, working in IT, a PHD candidate, one that didn't do anything but sit and stare. I recognized parts of myself in others behavior and remembered how ashamed of myself I used to be.

I could observe the lack of social awareness in some of the people and felt "OMG", is my social cluelessness THIS obvious?

I remembered what it felt like when I used to believe I was nothing but a freak.

I remembered the rage I used to feel at being marginalized because I was weird.

I felt sad that after 52 years of living, here I was, still "sitting at the losers table". Sharing a room with people that were shunted aside in school and life. And ashamed that I felt this way when in a room full of people that had lived the very same things. Or worse.

GAH!

Autism is a strange thing. It's almost that it exists to remind humanity that what is on the outside is just a thin veneer. The oddities we display to the 'real" world give no indication of the real person inside.

I can't tell if you enjoyed the meeting or not by your post. Does this mean you will be returning to future meetings?

Was the meet up group from Williamsville? I guess you could call it the Buffalo area? I always chicken out about going.

Last edited by Todesking on 21 Jan 2011, 11:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I did not enjoy it.

I think I will return again a few more times. I can't interpret all the feelings it created and avoiding it because of that seems to be a bad idea. I need to go and let some of the stuff work itself out.

It was too much to process.

It was too noisy. There is a 'quite group' but I can't get to it because of my work schedule.

I can understand the awkwardness of just being at a meeting - any meeting - I would feel the same no matter what the meeting involved.

Autistic Services in Buffalo, on Hertel near the zoo.

So what went on durring the meeting?

So, why was the meeting so noisy? Was everyone talking in one big room?

Pizza, 'socializing' (isn't that an oxymoron in a room full of aspies?). Not much in the nature of conversation that could be considered support.

Aspies do socialize, just somewhat awkwardly for some of us
It sounds like a get together more than a support group. People must go there to talk with others, not so much to support one another.

Did you run into any bizzar people or were they simply awkward? I shouldn't talk I am pretty strange myself. I am still debating whether or not to go, I am still having a weird feeling about meeting people like myself.

Last edited by Todesking on 22 Jan 2011, 12:18 am, edited 2 times in total.

I was really surprised at the noise level. The room was like a small cafeteria or dining area. Hard tile floors and uncovered walls, terrible acoustics. There were two or three that talked very loudly and pretty much non-stop. I almost left after a few minutes because of the noise.

Part of my problem is that places like Wrong Planet have allowed me to maintain a level of abstraction about just what autism is. I can live in my head, choose my words, forget my body. Actually seeing myself in other people, face to face, really brought it to a different level of experience. There was a physicality to it that was unnerving.

Well, bizarre is me. So what can I say? But yes, aspie strangeness was on full display.

Did you feel somewhat higher functioning than some there? That's one of the reasons I wonder if I would actually fit into such meetings. I am higher functioning but with other "issues" that others might not share. I am not your typical case. I might feel like you do at such meetings.
I can talk nonstop, though, so that's somewhat encouraging

Yes. I think this may be the case. Something was said about just getting together because many aspies have so little social contact.

I would probably be considered higher functioning than most that were there. I haven't quite wrapped my brain around the high functioning thing. To all outward appearances, I am very high functioning. But there is a very thin barrier between me and a more dependent life.. A few twists of fate, and I'm on the dole instead of employed, alone instead of married. I didn't feel all that different other than in circumstance.