he looks normal...

Post Reply New Topic

As the holday is here and we have outings with family and friends.. My son decides that he does not want to attend of course.. I would like to not attend myself for a simple reason. I need to tell people that Ryan my son is not like average kids. when they try to make him happy and engage him with the other kids he backs away and prefers to be on his own. They think his manners are sometimes rude because of some of his actions when he feels he is bing forced to conform to the normal world. when i feel the need to tell people that Ryan has AS/high function autusim. I am getting scik to death of people telling me that my son looks normal.. Get a GRIP mom i say to myself.. do other people feel the need to tell you that your child looks normal though???? like that is supposed to justify their actions of forcing a child to engage with other kids. BTW he wants to stay home for today... i have to bribe him to go to my inlaws for dinner.. with cake of course! YUMMY

Your family knows he's autistic, they need to inform people. To say "he looks normal" is so beyond rude to me, I can't believe people would say such a thing. It's only polite that they great him and let them know he may join. But then thats it, just as adults want their space, so does he. You know what makes me nuts? When people force children to sit on Santas lap. Why do people do that?

my son looks normal too, but he like me is an aspie.........you think that people saying he looks normal makes you cross?

my sons mother wont accept he has as[pergers and makes him act normal and engage in social situations that cause him enormous distress and i wonder how many undiagnosed aspies out there go through this..i know educating others is impirtant but at least you know you have and accept a diagnosis..be thankfull

normal IS aspergers in my household......i totally hate when people say "he looks so normal...i would never have known." AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa ....we went to a family function yesterday. had to bribe just about everyone. 2 1/2 hours there, 2 1/2 hours back. such a long day. i know that people looked at my oldest aspie as if he was rude, but i just don't care. my daughter they felt was "cute, but does she ever stop talking?"...hubby managed to hide out most of the day with his brother who is aspie also. actually, i'm sure many people would've found the party quite interesting~ it was sort of an aspie family reunion. out of all the folks there, i'd say 7 are aspies.

I have just found out I have Aspergers (I'm 33), and when I tell my friends or my family about it they say: "You seem pretty normal to me", and it's like I have to defend myself. Even after watching Mozart & the Whale ("Mozart and the Whale watching") with them, they say: "You are not at all like those cuckoos!" Thank you, but yes I am, and I am proud to be a cuckoo. For some reason if you tell NT's about Aspergers, and they haven't heard of it before, they consider themselves experts on the matter already. Hey, I have just told you about AS, I have explained to you what it is, and how it affects me, and instead of trying to understand my quirky behaviour sometimes, they think they can tell if someone is an Aspie or not.
It's not nice to hear, but I can hardly blame them. It's not like I show my autistic traits in the pub. I have always tried to fit in. All my life I have tried to act normal, as my parents, my teachers and my peers back in school always told me to act normal. So that's what I tried. Apparently it worked so well that no one even believes I'm an Aspie. (Don't you ever tell me I am not flexible, or that I have difficulties adjusting myself. You have no idea. I have been doing that all my life.)
When I meet up with my friends, I make sure that I have night before all to myself, and one or two nights after. I need that time to recover from all/prepare myself for the socializing. They don't see me when I'm myself.

It seems that we are not neccessarily the tactless ones. I've heard that one about seeming normal. It often comes from the people who say things like, "Naw, you don't have learning disabilities, you're too smart."

Yes, we aspies do look normal. What are we supposed to look like?

AS is different from classical autism. Most of us do not have severe speech impediments. Most of us do not sit by ourselves and twiddle with shiny objects all day long. Most of us do not have symptoms of mental retardation. Not to be disrespectful to anyone with classical autism, but that is what I suspect most people tend to think of, say the RainMan type, when an autistic disorder is to be brought up. It's really disrespectful to us.

If you feel a need to say to other family members or friends that your son has an ASD, then I suspect that's because these people are already saying or noticing something just isn't right. So, when you go and tell them why your kid acts the way he does, and then they turn around and say that he looks normal? That makes very little sense, and it leads me to believe that these people in question want to rather believe we're spoiled brats. Frankly, you have to ask yourself: "Are these people worth my time?"

If people don't accept who we are, why bring your kids around them? Especially if it can cause a lot of undue stress.

- Ray M -

ryansjoy

What happens if you just tell people that your son prefers to play on his own, he's quite happy that way, and joining in with other kids can stress him out, not to mention the other kids.

Why mention Aspergers or Autism at all, as if they'd understand what that meant?

If they question his desire to be alone, question their desire to force him to play with others.

A lot of people judge by appearance. I have always had a hard time understanding why this is so important to so many people. I even see very bright people doing this. It grieves me because it makes no sense whatsoever. There even seem to be people who think it is rational, or at least accept it. I just don't get it.

Response: (Warning, this is an attrmept at a smart comeback, I take no responsiblity for anyone using it) That's why it's called a hidden disability.


Strong emphasis on the word 'hidden'

no offense taken. this is very very true. this is why the schools and educators do not take this disorder very serious. every time someone tells me that Ryan looks normal i advise them to sit down and have a conversation with them. my own mother is guilty of this.. love her big time but she has NANA Colored Glasses on. she wants Ryan to be like the rest and he's not. she thinks because he looks very normal others should accpet him as just like every other kid. the after school program got mad at Ryan because he refused to look at the director in the face while she was lecturing him on something. he usually is a very good boy there and she was surprised because he just was not himself that day.. there was an assembly in the school that day and as we know with AS kids he was off his kilter.. well she got mad at him because he would not look at her as she was lecturing him.. when i got home i BLEW a gasket and went there and lectured her on how AS kids have trouble looking direct at people.. she was responsive to me that she forgets Ryan has this because he looks normal.. Needless I told her that looks are very deceiving and never judge a book by its cover... COME on these are people who take care of our kids.. It is hidden...

lemme give you an example of how hidden it is.....sometimes when i am mad or acting up or get odd looks from people i have to remind MYSELF that i am austistic...it is part of autism to not know you have it.
thats pretty well hidden and fecking crazy too.
sigh........but if i kept wakign up with the reminder that i am autistic and i just cant do thta, i wouldnt be where i am today, i have done a good job at hiding my autism from myself but i have done a loousy job at hiding it from others.
thats a weel hidden problem lemme tell you.

lemme give you an example of how hidden it is.....sometimes when i am mad or acting up or get odd looks from people i have to remind MYSELF that i am austistic...it is part of autism to not know you have it.
thats pretty well hidden and fecking crazy too.
sigh........but if i kept wakign up with the reminder that i am autistic and i just cant do thta, i wouldnt be where i am today, i have done a good job at hiding my autism from myself but i have done a loousy job at hiding it from others.
thats a weel hidden problem lemme tell you.

I have to keep reminding myself that most people are simply speaking out of their ignorance. They rarely mean any harm. What is really frustrating is when you explain to them the facets of Asperger Syndrome and they still insist that the person is "normal"! I think that they do this because being different means being defective and they just cannot handle this. Also, with family members, they already accept the person in spite of the quirks and they actually do consider it normal.

I generally find that I can either look at the lecturer or pay attention to the lecture but not both.

Sometimes, I can do it but it's few and far between usualy after a glass of cola ((Pepsi doesn't work for some odd reason))

My son was dx'd with AS a little over a year ago. I have never considered my son anything other than "normal". He's a little brighter than many of his classmates. He doesn't like sports. Some of them don't care for trains. That doesn't make one or the other more or less normal. Normal is no less a sliding scale then an ASD is. Normal is a terrible word - it implies a static point in time/place that doesn't exist.

Some of the people I've come to know with an AS dx are a lot closer to what the idea of "normal" is than plenty of people walking around without any dx at all.

My son enjoyed both the parade and fireworks on the 4th. My social butterfly no dx at all 7 year old daughter however, hid her head and cried at the fireworks.