How do I tell my girlfriend that I am an aspie?

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Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost three months now, and we are going strong. She is the greatest thing that has ever happen to me. I love her to death, and I would do anything for her. I'd take a bullet for her. Now, I figure sooner or later, she's gonna have to know that I am an Aspie, and I think that time is drawing near. Now here's a few things. First of all, when I tell her, I think I'm going to need my mom to help me explain it to her, because it's hard for me to explain my condition to people. The second thing is, I am very sensitive to the fact that I have Asperger's. Therefore, I am worried that I will break down in front of her, which I don't want to do. Finally, tho I have not told her that I am an Aspie, though we didn't talk about it much, so she might have forgotten. That's my opinion, do the rest of you have any advice? I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

OK, first of all, I hate to sound like an as*hole, but 3 months is nothing. So feeling that, now is not the time to be telling her. Of course, that's just from my fixed point of view. I personally don't think a diagnosis is important, but that's just me. I never tell anyone, because I don't care. Having said that, if you are going to tell her soon, A) DO IT YOURSELF. I can't stress that enough. Getting your mother to do it is a supremely bad idea. B) Don't make it into a big deal and call a conference and invite some U.S. Senators over for dinner or whatnot. If you had cancer, I might understand, but you didn't say that you did.

Now, when telling her, it should just be to explain certain behaviors and eccentricities you might have that she has probably noticed. This isn't a proposal for marriage you know. If she really cares about you, this isn't going to be a big deal for her. I can see it's a big deal to you, so just relax. Easier said than done, but the more comfortable you are, the more comfortable she will be.

Maybe start out like "You ever notice how I do such and such? Well, that's not just because I'm a weird guy, it's also because I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm clinically diagnosed with supreme awesomeness. Look it up yourself. Aspie men have bigger penises you know" Women love penile references. I think it's because straight women like dick. (So maybe the ending was a little over the top, but you get the idea)

Just tell her. You've been together for awhile, and if she knows you well, gets along with you just fine, and loves you, I really don't see how she could have an issue with it.

I'd rent some movie where the main character is an Aspie. Then watch it with her. After it's over, you can say, "You know, I have Asperger's syndrome, too."

This is good. This is feel and texture, and right brain, and trusting and developing your gut instincts.

It's going to be a process. It's going to be a series of medium steps (probably) and trust yourself on this, too.

Mindslave had a good opening "You ever notice how I do such and such? . . . " Then you might add that 'the book' on Asperger's is strong in technical areas, awkward on social areas, and then perhaps that 'the book' is not across the board true in all cases. (For example, I myself have patchy social skills. That may or may not be true in your case.)

And that might be plenty for a first discussion. Or, her interest might be piqued, and she might have some questions. Again, this is where you have to use feel and texture, and be approximately correct rather than anything exact.

And if you do break down, actually I think that's kind of a good thing. It shows heart. Basically, either way, if you break down, it's okay. If you don't break down, that's okay, too. Just keep it real.

And probably cut it off a little early, for your own sake. Don't exhaust yourself on the topic. Just one of several matter-of-fact conversations.

Maybe the first conversation with your mother there. Or maybe like first one or two on your own, and then the third or fourth (casual) follow-up conversation with your mother present to give her observation regarding a sticky point. Trust your feelings on this, too.

My advice is don't tell her.

I think you all should know that I did tell my girlfriend and she completely understood

Glad to know that. From what you said, I thought she would.

I'm two years into a relationship and I still haven't told my girlfriend. I am considering it though. But really it has not been an issue, like most people she just assumes I'm eccentric. I make her happy and that's all that counts for me

Well, my girlfriend broke up with me last night just days after I told her. You see, on Sunday, we started school, and I really wanted to see her, because she lives in another state. All the times we did see each other, they were by accident. So, I sent her a Facebook message saying that we needed to see each other more. Then she sent a message saying that she is really focused on her education and she needs someone who is happy just being in the shadows. Well, what's the point of being in a relationship if we can't see each other? And yes, we go to college to get out education, but at the same time, we still needed to have fun. I am wondering if maybe telling her that I was an Aspie was a turn-off.

No, it wasn't that you told her you were an aspie. It's that she wants to focus on her life with you as a side thing. You wanted more. She felt pressured and decided to let the relationship go rather than be obligated.

Part of AS is growing attachments to people before NTs would. Since the way NTs do things is considered normal, we can grow attachments and feelings too quickly for them. I've had to be careful of this and remember that I don't mean as much to some people as they might mean to me. I think this is the case here. 3 months isn't that long of a time and you two were obviously in different places emotionally.

You have to take care right now not to take this break-up too personally. She wanted a specific THING, not necessarily a specific PERSON. You were unable to fit the role of what she was looking for so she felt it was in her best interests to move on. You need to consider what's in your best interests. If you want a steady relationship, you should keep that in mind when you're dating and choose girls who are available and interested in regular dating and building a relationship.

+1

As far as I'm concerned 3 months is not long, but it's long enough that problems that might arise would most likely be unrelated to that.

My girlfriend had been working in the autism game for years and she called me out on it like the 3rd time I hung out with her. Weird, I haven't been diagnosed and generally don't think I am AS these days; I told her simply the possibility exists but who gives a s**t either way. No prob, we've been together 6 months now. Point being, if you have an established good thing, even on a shorter time frame than 3 months, it shouldn't matter. If it breaks down it's likely due to the reasons wefunction specified above.

In my case, I told my girlfriend even before we started dating. Actually now, she sort of takes it with stride.