Sex

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i'm sorry, i didn't know where else to put this. to all of you with AS, what's sex like?

It's weird.

Gross, and I'm a virgin.

Isn't this the 30+ forum?

I lost my virginity at the ripe old age of 22. On one hand, I felt like helicopter came in and pulled a giant monkey off my back. On the other hand, it was a weird combination of an immense drug-like high and a disappointing "that was it?" feelings. It was exactly what sex it when you looked at it the way an alien scientist would: getting messy from touching and kissing on every part of the body, followed by intercourse and a quick cuddle afterwards. It was wonderful beyond belief to have done, but nothing that special to do. (If English is not your first language, the concept in the last sentence may be hard to explain.)

If you're past 30, and you're a virgin, the previous paragraph may not make sense to you. If you must, get sexual experience through any way you have available to you, whether through lowering your standards or something less legal. But you'll find out that it's more "meh" than "wow".

Quite true! I was very very disappointed my first time, my second time, third, etc. Then I realized that it wasn't going to get much better. I also found that, while it was mildly pleasant, I could get a much more intense and satisfying result on my own. The whole idea of turning my body over to someone in the hopes that they can give me pleasure and vice-versa, is just weird.

it will have to wait until affordable sex robots are invented.

I'm past 30 and it still like a "wow". If I use orgasm control it's a triple "wow".

Sex is fun but it is overrated.

Ask any married man "Would you rather have sex with your wife or watch the Superbowl on TV with your friends?"

Sex is fun but so is skydiving, or watching a good movie or reading a good book.

Any married person can tell you that their partner will say "come to bed now" and the partner says "I am reading a mystery novel and I only have two chapters to go"!

Fun but overrated is about it.

Not sure about other aspies but I think for me having asperger's means problems with intimacy and so foreplay is a little uncomfortable, but sex without considerable amounts of foreplay is just not enjoyable, and the general discomfort over intimacy and anxiety about everything having to be a certain way it means it can be far from great or you may not have sex at all for long periods of time. Don't get me wrong, it can be great, but often it's a 'take it or leave it' kind of thing.

I love this post -
What it's like to have sex with someone with Asperger's

coming from an inexperienced viewpoint, sex is a great concept but certainly fraught with pitfalls.

It's awesome! Not sure how else to describe my views other than that. I am starting to realize there's a lot more to sex than sex itself. Things like tantra (sacred sexuality). When I reflected upon the meaning of sex, and how short it takes to ejaculate and such, I felt like there had to be more to my sexual experience than simply that. Like sex was much more than a couple of seconds type of ecstasy...more like extended orgasm.

Sex is what we choose to make of it.

I lost my virginity when I was 14. Did I just say that on a forum full of strangers? Yes, I did. 14. It was with another virgin so it was fairly horrible and awful and awkward.

I asked my sister, "Does it get better?" and then she said the one thing about sex that has become my favorite thing ever said about sex: "Sex shouldn't feel like like someone touching your elbow."

Sex can be a very bad thing or it can be a very good thing.

Here are my recommendations:

Have sex with a partner who is experienced enough to already know what they like and generally what would turn you on. Depending on age (and you are very young right now), you may have to wait until this is a reasonable opportunity. You don't want to sleep with someone who is too old for you (18+) and you don't want someone your age who is that experienced already.

Make sure you are safe. That experienced partner should already be responsible enough to demand that safety precautions (birth control and condoms) be used. Still, don't rely on someone else. You need to be educated and aware. You need to respect both of you enough to demand their safety precautions.

Be open. Not everything is going to sound like a good idea at first but at least give it a try. You might end up enjoying it. However, do not be pressured into things you know you do not enjoy. Keep boundaries firm. Partners should respect those boundaries.

Always take instruction. When your partner tells you they want something done a certain way, do it that way. Likewise, if you know you like something a certain way, coax your partner to do it that way. People need to be willing to improve and perform to please their partners.

Too many people your age make the mistake of rushing it and they end up having bad experiences.

Even as a 30+ something, it's the sexual tension / making out / pre-sex interaction that really builds the excitement. The anticipation before sleeping with someone can be just as enjoyable as sleeping with someone and that anticipation can be prolonged for months of delicious temptation and self-torment.

There's a lot to enjoy in life and you've got to embrace it, not rush right past it. If you make sure to slow down and not push yourself, you'll make good decision and really get the most out of situations.

I'm going to say at first, it's like going on an amusement park ride. It looks awesome on the tv commercials and while standing in the infinitely long line to wait your turn, you hear people saying how great it is. By the time you finally get there, there's anticipation, then a rush, and then it's over.

There are a lot of rules and a certain skill set involved. I went through a period of time when it was a primary interest and I read up a lot on techniques and such. However, now I'm old and to be honest, I could really take it or leave it. The main purpose of sex in my life is making my husband happy. [Maybe it's a man thing, but he's all for it.] The most difficult thing for me is the foreplay, and the cudding, saying the right things, and other social aspects. It's mentally exhausting, but supposedly important for a relationship.

So overall, I'd say don't rush yourself. You have plenty of time for all of that stuff in the future. Not everyone is doing it.

Most of the time, it's absolutely fantastic. It's my favourite activity.

However, I do have anxiety problems, and some of the physiological effects of sex - in particular the faster & harder heart beat - can sometimes lead to me feeling uneasy. Very occasionally it panic attacks. The same is true of exercise, and any other activities that raise the heart rate.

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you need to take control of your own experience. it's up to you to make sure that you are getting what you want out of it and not leaving it up to the other person to try and guess what you want and figure out how to do the things you like. it can be very rewarding if you are able to communicate effectively and stay with the same partner long enough to get to know how to give each other what you like. if you can't communicate what you want or at least show the person and take control of your own pleasure then it will always be awkward and uncomfortable and less than pleasurable so really it's up to you. and yes, it is over rated for the most part and very, very weird the first few times.