Furious About School Counselor

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So DS14 had a meltdown in his culinary class on Wednesday and stormed off to his counselor's office (which is where he has been instructed to go). He was met by a counselor who was less than pleased with him and called me and put me on speaker while he berrated DS on the speaker phone telling me that "he is not to use this as a crutch!" WTF! It's in his IEP that he is allowed to go to his counselor and half the year has passed and he's never done it before. I was actually thrilled that he went to the counselor instead of just storming out of the school! I told the counselor very sternly that HE was being unreasonable saying that and that he was suppose to be the Safe Place for him. Now I feel like he totally alienated him. He then got brought to the office where the vice principle gave him a 3 hour detention because he was not allowed to leave the classroom without a pass. He says the IEP is clear that he needed a pass. This school is either black or white, no gray and I am so frustrated with this VP and their lack of consideration for his issues.

Call an IEP meeting and get 2 changes into the IEP:

1) Obviously a new safe place will be needed, say a resource room or something.

2) The IEP now says for this specific situation, he does not need a pass to leave class

This situation shows what needs to be changed.

I would try and change schools at this point. Otherwise I would be at risk of breaking the counselors nose at our next meeting.

The impression I got from the child study team was that this was not an option. Is she or I wrong? Can it be written that he's just allowed to leave? As far as a safe place, I've told him to still go to the guidance office but ask for another counselor.

It is allowed. Explain that you are working with your son to understand when he needs to walk away BEFORE a crisis. that's why from an outsider, it could look like he's fince - hense the "crutch". Assure them that it is the opposite of crutch, it is skill development and needs positive recognition.

This authority figure probably CAUSED regression, and furthered DS's trust issues.

The problem was serious.

If they are black/white - get them to put it in black and white.

We had a similar issue - except since my son is 10, the counselor gave him a lego with the promise of a second lego if he "stayed out of her office for the whole week." We went to the school principal and they are trying to figure out why this happened without her vetting the idea with us first. DS kept his meltdowns for home, of course, so as far as she could tell, her idea went swimmingly. Took me all week to figure out.

I agree - rewrite IEP, and talk lawyer if they don't come around.

I'd also suggest that they seem to be misunderstanding your son's condition, and offer some books on spectrum issues to the counselor.

And how is it realistic that he obtain a pass when he is in the midst of a meltdown anyway? He was obviously having some sort of disagreement either with the teacher or another student and was already in a situation he couldn't handle. I highly doubt the teacher would have given him a pass to be honest.

I would request a full IEP meeting to discuss how the IEP is to be carried out, and write to the principal that you will not be sending DS to detention untill the IEP team discusses it. Since going to the counselor is in the IEP, DS did nothing that is deserving of a three hour punishment.

My DS goes mute right before a meltdown, so I am particularly sensitive to this, There is no way he would be able to request a pass. Maybe they can have a pass hanging near the door that he could grab on the way out? I don't know that my DS would be able to pull that off either, but i'm hoping with some maturity he might.

I don't know if I can be helpful with advice, but I empathize! It seems like so many schools are so stuck in their bureaucratic rules that they are unwilling to do anything different, even when it makes sense. It does seem unreasonable to ask for him to get a pass at that particular moment. I hope you can find someone at the school who can listen to reason.

I would not be sending the child to the detention until you have a meeting with the principle, and I would be getting an advocate to come with you.

Passes are usually about ensuring that students are only out of class for a said reason. They could always give him a permanent pass that allows him to go to the guidance office ONLY and he has to obtain a standard pass to use the bathroom or anything else.

It is just stupid that they ask a child to ask for a pass before they have a meltdown. If only they we could predict them just like that!! !! !! !! !! !!

I am 36 and returning to college this week. My psychologist is organising for a student counsellor to be able to be available to me when I need it and to ensure that the staff of the student counselling clinic are able to support me if needed and they are willing to do this. I find it incredible that a college for adult students can support someone in this way, when they are only required to make minor modifications, not to change the curriculum or the like, as schools are and the college is willing and able to help and is and a school is not.

Since the school counsellors are not willing to work with the child, then I guess that means they have to give him a full time aide so that he does have an adult with him to help him if needed. One would think that him being able to identify what he needs and ask for it would see him being congradulated, not punished.

You need to meet with the principle as soon as possible and you need to get some disability advocate to be at the meeting with you. You cannot and should not be sending your son to detention for this.